Phaedra Patrick - Wishes Under The Willow Tree

‘I have done, Benedict, but I feel that this isn’t about you and me, and our family, any longer. It’s about you wanting a child. Any child.’

‘It’s not like that.’

‘It feels that way. We need to accept that we’re not going to be parents, and to plan a future for just the two of us.’

‘But I can’t…we can’t…’

‘We’ve got to learn how to.’ Estelle hung her head.

In the darkness, Benedict stared out at the snowy gem tree. It looked like its legacy, of the Stone children hanging gemstones into it, was about to end. Unless he could persuade Estelle otherwise.

After thinking about his wife, Benedict wanted to be alone for a while. When he and Gemma reached Stone Jewellery, he took all the money out of his pockets and told her to open her hands.

‘What for?’ she asked.

‘If your purse is missing, you’ll need some cash. You haven’t brought many things with you.’

‘I don’t need them.’

‘Well, go to the Deserted Dogs charity shop, anyway, to see if there’s anything you like. They raise money to help unwanted dogs in the area. It’s opposite the community centre. Look out for a large red-brick building with a big “ Closed. Keep Out ” sign on the door.’

‘Why “ Keep Out ”?’

‘The roof is caving in and the council don’t have the funds to pay for a new one. It’s a shame because it was sort of a village hub for things like yoga and baby groups.’

‘That’s real sad. What are you going to do?’

‘I’ll go into the shop, to do a few jobs. You can buy us some nice lunch, too.’ His stomach gurgled at the thought of a chunky chocolate cupcake. ‘Now, put the money in your pocket so you don’t lose it…’ He paused, realising this was something he used to say to Charlie.

‘Don’t forget that I travelled from America. On my own.’ Gemma gave a withering sigh. ‘I am capable.’ She stared around herself hesitantly.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah. It’s a new place. I don’t know anywhere yet.’

‘It’s a very small village.’ Suspicion edged into Benedict’s voice. ‘I thought you went to Paris…on your own.’

‘Yeah, well…’ Gemma glared at him and scrunched up the money in her fist. ‘Paris had a big tower, as a landmark.’ She looked down the street again. ‘You go and do your own thing, Uncle Ben. And I’ll go and do mine.’

5. Amazonite

integrity, calming, aligning

The shop door scraped against a wodge of leaflets on the doormat. Picking them up, Benedict saw they were all the same. Four grainy faces glared back at him. Rock band, Restore the Hope, was playing a warm-up gig in Applethorpe before their UK tour. Benedict cursed and folded the leaflets in half.

Another leaflet had drifted farther into the shop, and he stooped down, immediately recognising one of Estelle’s paintings of the moors. He read the white words:

Lawrence Donnington presents a preview of ‘Moorland Escape’ by Estelle Stone at Purple Heather Gallery, Noon Sun Village 6.30–8.30 p.m., 28th October

Benedict’s heart dipped. He didn’t know about this. Why hadn’t she told him about her exhibition? Was Estelle embarrassed by him?

Purple Heather used to be a small tearoom, but local entrepreneur Donnington had renovated it and turned it into an art gallery, to display the work of Yorkshire artists.

Benedict had passed by and it was very modern, with white walls and polished floorboards. He spied Lawrence himself, standing in the middle of the gallery and waving his arms around as if conducting an orchestra. He dressed like a French mime artist, with slim hips in tight black trousers, and a Breton striped top.

The women of Noon Sun seemed to like him though. Benedict once overhead a small group in the Pig and Whistle gushing about him and fanning their flushed faces with the laminated menus.

From the shop counter, Lord Puss let out a short meow that sounded more like a bark, and his yellow eyes were like slits. From hearing the noise at least ten times a day, Benedict knew that His Royal Highness wanted food. ‘Now I have a cat and a teenager to feed,’ he said with a sigh. ‘You’ll have to wait a bit longer, Lord Puss. A bit of patience will do you good.’

He caught a glimpse of Estelle’s purple anorak hanging in the store cupboard and he reached out to touch the vivid fabric. He allowed himself a moment to imagine his wife wearing it, then he withdrew his hand and furled it into a fist. What was he going to do to get her back? He wasn’t particularly handsome, and he knew he ate too much. He might mention family too often, but he loved her with all his heart. He just didn’t know how to express it.

He opened the back door and took a food sachet from his pocket. He squeezed it into the cat’s bowl and threw the leaflets for the rock band in the bin. ‘Here, puss, puss,’ he said wearily.

Lord Puss jumped off the counter and walked as slowly as he could out into the yard. He barely sniffed his food bowl then sat down. A dapple of sunshine illuminated the paving flags with a circle of light so it looked like he was under a spotlight, waiting for applause. He turned his face away from Benedict, as if he had smelled something bad.

‘Damn cat.’

Back inside, Benedict carried his laptop through to the workshop and flipped it open. After waiting ages for it to fire up, he was glad that Noon Sun had internet connection today. The phone and broadband in the village only worked intermittently because the surrounding hills blocked the signal.

Benedict had never made a proper effort to track down his brother before, for fear of what might happen. But this time, he Googled Charlie Stone and Charles Stone . He chewed his bottom lip as half a million results showed up.

Part of him wanted his brother’s face to appear on the computer screen, but another part wanted it to remain hidden, so Benedict wouldn’t experience the awful pangs of shame that kept him awake at night.

His fingers shook a little as he tried again, this time typing in Charlie and Amelia Stone and then Gemma Stone . But there were still thousands of results.

It looked like Gemma’s suggestion of sending a letter might be his only way of making contact with Charlie after all.

Next, Benedict phoned the airport and spoke to a young man who had a Northern Irish accent and who spoke at breakneck speed. He informed Benedict that there was no record of a purse with a passport inside it being handed in. He took Benedict’s name and number and said that he’d call if anything turned up. ‘Don’t count on it though,’ he added. ‘Have a nice day.’

Benedict lowered himself into his chair. He opened his drawer and found half a packet of Polo mints pushed into the corner. He munched them one after another then crumpled the foil into a ball, tossed it into the bin and gave himself a small cheer. He opened another drawer and took out the anniversary necklace. Slinking it over the back of his hand and touching its tiny links, he hoped that Estelle would realise how much time and love he’d poured into it.

When his phone vibrated in his pocket, Benedict’s heart leaped. A text from his wife? Finally.

‘How R U Benedicto?’ Cecil asked.

Benedict sighed. ‘I should be asking you that! How did the op go?’

‘Okay but a few complications. Visiting time is 6.00 till 7.30.’

‘I’ll be there tomorrow.’

‘Any news on Estelle?’

Benedict hesitated. ‘Not yet,’ he texted. He couldn’t think of how to tell Cecil, in a few words, about Gemma’s arrival.

Cecil replied, ‘ . How is Lord Puss?’