Maxine Morrey - The Christmas Project

‘It’s fine. Don’t worry. We’ve consensually decided that perhaps this isn’t the right thing for – ’

‘No! No, no no! You have to stay! Please!’

‘Janey. It really only works if the person involved wants it to. Otherwise everything will go back to how it was within weeks, which is just a waste of time for everyone involved. Not to mention a waste of money.’

‘Wait. Don’t leave yet. OK? Promise?’

I paused.

‘Please, Kate. It’s really important. He needs this.’ Her voice was softer now.

‘OK. Fine. As it’s you.’

‘Thank you, thank you, thank you. Right. Now, can you pass the phone back to my dick of a brother?’ Her voice was louder again now and from the look on his face, Michael heard the comment. Which was good news for me as it meant I didn’t have to find a way to tell Janey any of that stuff after all. She was clearly already aware. He held out one large hand which I put the phone in. He lifted the mobile back to his ear.

‘Yes. No. I know. Yes. Yes, I promise. OK. What? No, you don’t need…fine. Here…’ He stabbed at his phone and Janey’s voice came out on speaker.

‘Is it on speaker?’

‘Yes.’

I felt bad that I was perversely enjoying seeing this rude, arrogant man getting bossed about by his little sister. But then I looked down and saw my soaked, numb feet, and remembered how cold I was, and miraculously, all traces of guilt disappeared instantaneously.

‘Kate, can you hear me?’

‘Yes, Janey.’

‘Right. Good. Now Michael, we discussed all this. Your house is a bloody tip and your life’s not much better.’

‘My life is just fine.’

‘No, it’s not. And don’t interrupt. You agreed to host Christmas this year– ’

‘Actually, I was just outvoted, if you remember.’

‘Because we’ve all taken plenty of turns in doing it and you never have!’

‘That’s because I wasn’t in the country most of the time.’

‘Yes. Well. Nobody forced you to jet off every year instead of spending time with the family.’

‘Janey. You know that it wasn’t as simple as that. And could we please not discuss family matters in front of strangers?’

‘Oh shush. Katie’s not a stranger. She’s a very good friend – ’

‘To you.’

‘Yes. To me. And because she is such a very good friend to me, she’s agreed to help you, you great lummox. So wind your neck in and start taking this seriously. You need to start getting your life back in order and find your way back to being the happy bloke you used to be. And believe me, Kate is your best chance at doing that.’

‘Really.’ He was clearly still unconvinced. It was the one thing we appeared to agree on.

‘Yes, really. We’re fed up of watching you work yourself into the ground, surrounded by all that crap. You’ve got a lovely house there but you wouldn’t know it because of the state it’s in! How on earth are you ever going to meet anyone else if you can’t bring them home?’

‘I’m not particularly interested in meeting anyone else. And when I do bring a woman home, it’s not exactly to give them a tour of a house.’ He looked over at me, as if awaiting a reaction.

If he was trying to shock me, he was way off the mark. I’d had him pegged as the ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ type within about two minutes. Except minus the ‘thank you’.

‘Well, it’s about time that changed. We all know you’ve been through the wringer Mikey, but it’s time to start moving on.’

‘I have moved on. Weren’t you listening to the last bit?’

‘Having sex with strangers and moving on are two very different things. Now, your family’s been behind you throughout all of this, despite how difficult it was at times, but it’s time to get on with your life. And Katie’s going to help you make that start.’

‘Right.’

‘She’s your chance at finding a way to be happy again Mikey.’

‘Oh. Great. No pressure,’ I mumbled.

For a split second I thought I saw the corner of his mouth twitch into the hint of a smile but when I looked again it was set back in a grim line as he stared at his feet.

‘Tonnes of pressure, Katie. Sorry darling!’ Janey’s voice came from the speaker. ‘But he really does need to get his arse in gear and I know you won’t take any shit off him, so it’s perfect.’

‘Perfect,’ Michael repeated, flatly. He lifted his gaze. ‘Don’t worry about it, my sister’s just being dramatic. It’s a habit.’

‘Knock it off Mikey,’ Janey snapped. ‘You need to start taking this seriously. Your life is a mess since Angeline left and you’re a grouchy workaholic. It’s about time that you got your shit together and found happiness again, and Katie there’s your best chance. So stop being an arse, listen to what she says, and do what she tells you because if you don’t, so help me God – ’

‘Fine! Yes. All right,’ he cut across her.

‘I love you, you know. We all do,’ Janey’s voice was softer now and it was clear to hear the love contained within her words, ‘that’s why we’re doing this.’

‘Yep. I know. I love you too.’

I looked away and found an intense interest in the junk mail teetering on the phone table.

‘Better not get all soppy. It looks like you’re embarrassing your friend.’ Michael’s deep voice held a hint of amusement.

‘Oh, Katie’s all right, aren’t you?’ Janey’s voice assured.

‘Umm, yes. Fine.’

My client’s vivid gaze fixed on me and he shook his head, that hint of smile back flickering around the full mouth.

‘I’ll behave for Kate, Janey. I promise.’

‘Good. Because she has my full permission to kick you in the nuts if you don’t.’

Michael burst out laughing and his whole face changed. The spiky demeanour transformed into something much closer to the warm, welcoming air that Janey always gave off. For the first time since I’d met him, I could finally see him as being related to my friend.

‘I’m countering that permission and as they’re my nuts, I have final say.’

‘Just be good,’ Janey said.

‘I’ve said I will. So I will. Now, can I go?’

‘Yes, all right. Bye, Kate. Thanks so much for this. Talk to you tomorrow.’

‘Bye Janey,’ I called.

‘Bye sis,’ Michael added, before pressing ‘End’ on the screen.

Silence fell over us.

‘So. I guess it looks like you’re stuck with me then.’

‘Yes, it does rather.’

More silence.

‘When she said about you being my chance at…you know…she didn’t mean…’

‘No. I know.’

‘OK. Good.’

‘It’s a bit of a cliché but I don’t believe in mixing business with pleasure anyway.’

‘Fair enough.’

‘And I’m already seeing someone. Janey knows that.’ Why on earth was I going into all of this?

‘Right.’

‘And you’re definitely not my type anyway. Janey knows that too.’

Michael rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his feet. ‘I’m beginning to wish I’d never opened my mouth.’

‘Not at all. It’s always good to be absolutely clear on things.’ For the love of God, Kate. Shut up!

After a beat, Michael spoke. ‘So, what happens now?’

I mentally squared my shoulders and shook my uncharacteristic babbling moment off. Focusing on what I knew best, I was back on firm ground.

‘Generally, I assess the project, then I look at my schedule and you look at yours and we see when we can fit in some sessions that work for both of us.’

‘Right.’ He moved away from me, his back turned.

‘But as I said earlier, I can only help someone if they want to be helped and are prepared to put in effort themselves. I realise that Janey is keen for you to do this, and that you clearly wish to please her, but if you’re really not invested in this, then it’s just a waste of time for both of us. It’s a very busy time, and as such, I have plenty of other people who would benefit from my services far more.’