Ross Armstrong - The Girls Beneath

Amongst the many fragments of advice that Ryans has given me, talking to someone I knew well before the accident stood out. He would even like to meet with somebody who can attest to certain changes in me. ‘It’s difficult to know where you’re headed if we don’t know where you’ve been’, he says. But there is only really one who knew me before and I don’t want her talking to him about me.

I should talk because I’m told that it will help. But it stings.

‘The fundamental requirements for my work. Do you remember I read them to you?’ I say.

‘Yes. I think so.’

‘Inspire confidence with your presence. Don’t jump to conclusions about what you see and hear. Win co-operation through good-humoured persuasion. Display good stamina for working on foot.’

‘So… how are you doing?’ Anita says

‘Well… my stamina for working on foot is good.’

‘Ha.’ She laughs her laugh.

‘Don’t laugh.’

‘I wasn’t laughing at you. Have you lost your sense of humour?’

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘Can’t find it anywhere. Also, I’ve become impulsive. Also, you’re subtly slurring, which indicates you might soon get a migraine. I read a new study. You should take magnesium tablets.’

‘Seriously, none of this sounds at all like you,’ she says.

‘So you’ve said. I should tell you, a thing happened. There was an accident, a bad one. It happened to me. Don’t you read the paper?’

‘No. What accident?’ she says.

I breathe. Quick ones. Three in and three out.

‘I won’t bother you with it. I needed to talk. Now I have.’

‘Are you okay? You seem so different.’

‘People change. Goodbye,’ I say.

‘No, I want to see you. Please. I’m worried. I still… I do love… ’

‘I don’t want to hear that. And no, I won’t want to see you.’

‘I’m going to come round. Stay there. I’m coming round now.’

‘Please don’t. That might make me very angry. People change. Good luck.’

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