Jacqui Rose - DISHONOUR

‘Where were you Tash? Where the fuck were you when this was happening because clearly you weren’t at home?’

Tasha paused. She knew Freddie was going to ask this question, but for some reason she hadn’t prepared an answer. She could feel her mouth moving. Twitching to say something, but unable to find the words. Anything she did say would sound like a lie because it would be. And the truth? She just couldn’t say, because her husband could never find out the truth.

Freddie stared at his wife. At forty-four years old she was stunning. Even with her messy hair and crumpled designer clothes, her beauty still shone through. Her skin was pale and lineless. Her face held the darkest, yet softest blue eyes and her lips were full and red.

When he looked at her, he found himself being overtaken by an uncontrollable jealousy. The thought of another man even looking at her made him rage violently inside.

When he’d first met her she was hostessing in a nightclub but he’d put an immediate stop to that. He couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else lusting after her. His jealousy, however, hadn’t done her any favours. It hadn’t given her the romantic weekends and bunches of flowers, though of course she’d always had access to as much money as she’d wanted. That much was a given. What his jealousy had done was make him treat her harshly. Almost as if it was her fault it made him feel that way. Although he hadn’t used his fists as most of his friends did with their other halves, he’d hurt her in other ways; with verbal punches and put downs which were as harsh and cruel as any physical blow.

He’d shot her down when he knew she hadn’t deserved it. Humiliating her in front of friends and other well-known faces because of his seething jealousy. And the more he’d done it, the angrier he’d got with himself. And that anger had in turn made him do it more. He hadn’t wanted to but he hadn’t been able to stop himself either.

Tasha was smart and he hoped she was smart enough to know that even with all the verbal, he loved her. He’d lay down his life for her. In fact, he’d lay down her life too if she ever thought about cheating or leaving him. All in the name of love, of course.

He knew every part of her so well and as much as his main focus was on Ray-Ray, he continued to look and wait for an answer, because he knew she was up to something. Problem was, he didn’t know quite what.

‘Mrs Thompson?’ The surgeon broke the atmosphere, and the relief even from the prison officers was palpable.

‘I’m her husband, so you can speak to me. Anything you’ve got to say to her. Tell me mate.’

The surgeon looked at Freddie before letting his eyes wander down to the handcuffs, staring at them with clear disdain on his face. Freddie sneered as he leaned in towards the surgeon, causing the man to blush and take a step back.

‘Never been chained up before doc? You don’t know what you’re missing.’

‘Freddie!’ Tasha shot her husband a stare as she tried to take hold of his hand, both for support and to try to calm him down, but she found it being pushed away by the slightly taller guard.

‘You know the rule, Mrs Thompson. No physical contact.’

Ignoring and turning her back on the prison officer, Tasha spoke to the surgeon, afraid of what she might hear.

‘Sorry darlin’ but don’t mind Freddie, as you can imagine it’s very difficult for both of us. Is our son okay?’

Bristling, and unnerved now by Freddie’s continuing hostile stare, the surgeon tried to create a professional environment once more. He cleared his throat and directed his entire conversation to Tasha. ‘We’ve just finished the operation and we’ve taken him to intensive care now.’

‘But he’s going to be okay though Doc?’ The tone in Freddie’s question frightened Tasha into answering her husband before the surgeon managed to. She’d never heard him sound so vulnerable.

‘Of course he is; why wouldn’t he be?’

‘He’s got some extensive injuries. Look Mrs Thompson, shall we go somewhere and sit down, so I can explain properly what’s happened to your son?’

Agitated now, Tasha snapped at the surgeon. ‘I don’t need to bleeding sit down, ain’t nothing wrong with me. Just tell me what’s going on.’

‘Okay well, we removed his clothes under anaesthetic and he’s sustained a number of burns, unfortunately including burns on his face, which will probably be quite disfiguring.’

‘Oh my God.’

‘But he’s been lucky.’

Freddie growled at the surgeon. ‘You call being turned into the fucking elephant man lucky?’

‘I know there’ll be a lot of adjusting but he really is lucky. It could’ve been much worse. He’ll be in intensive care for the next few days and after that we’ll reassess the situation. The other thing I …’

The black beeper attached to the surgeon’s scrubs sounded loudly. Glancing at it, he quickly started to rush away down the corridor. ‘I’m sorry I have to go. I’ll come back later to explain anything else, but he’s in good hands and the intensive care nurses will be able to answer any of your questions.’

Part of Tasha wanted to be angry and call after the doctor for leaving without telling her all the facts, but the frightened part of her was happy to let him go; relieved for just one more moment where she could pretend everything was going to be fine.

Standing in the side room with Freddie and the prison officers, Tasha wrapped her arms around her waist as if somehow it would stop the wailing sound that seemed to be resonating from every pore in her body. The only thing she could see through the tears was Ray-Ray, lying unconscious, almost unrecognisable in the mummifying bandages.

The smell of Ray-Ray’s burnt skin held thick in the air. Sweet, coppery and nauseating. Tasha was unable to look at her son’s face, not wanting to see the bandages, knowing the sweet, beautiful face she kissed only a few hours ago was no longer there. In its place was the face of a stranger.

She looked down his body and saw what looked like metal clamps sticking out of his leg.

‘Why has he got them?’

The nurse smiled sympathetically and spoke in barely a whisper. ‘His shin was splintered in three places. The surgeon needed to …’

She was cut off abruptly by Freddie. ‘Splintered? What … what are you talking about? I thought he was caught up in a fire.’

‘He was, but he also has damage to his leg.’

‘Can a fire cause that?’ As Tasha said it she knew it sounded ridiculous, but rather ridiculous than let the thought which was slowly coming into her head creep in.

Freddie turned to Tasha, his face red. ‘Don’t talk fucking bollocks Tash. There ain’t no fire which breaks legs.’

The nurse looked at them kindly. ‘Didn’t the surgeon tell you? The fire didn’t actually cause any damage.’

‘But I don’t understand; he’s been burnt?’

‘Not by the fire Mrs Thompson. He only suffered smoke inhalation from that. His burns have been caused by acid. They’re chemical burns.’

It took Tasha only a moment. Only a slight pause, before she leapt at Freddie. She lashed out, throwing her arms everywhere and bringing them down into contact with Freddie’s powerful chest. She reined the blows down as the prison officers tried to pull Freddie away, but he stood firmly rooted to the spot, watching as his wife’s tears poured out and he allowed her to take her anger out on him. And although the punches didn’t hurt on a man like him, the physical contact made him feel slightly better, although his expression stayed the same. Cold, hard and unmoving.

Tasha stopped, exhausted and her speech was laboured as she hissed at her husband. ‘This is your fault Freddie. The reason my son is lying here is because of you and your stupid, stupid business. Because of you his life is ruined. I will never forgive you for this. You hear me. Never !’ Tasha screamed out the last word then ran out of the private room, almost knocking into a group of student nurses.