Will Hill - Darkest Night

“Do you think you’d look for your dad?”

“No.”

“Just no?” said Kate. “You wouldn’t even think about it?”

“No.”

“What if your mum wanted to see him?”

“That would be up to her,” said Jamie. “I wouldn’t have to be part of it.”

“Have you told her yet?” she asked.

Jamie felt sudden heat behind his eyes. He tried to force it back down, to stop the red glow appearing, but the expression of shock on Kate’s face told him he had not been successful.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’m really sorry. It’s involuntary.”

“It just startled me,” she said. “It’s all right.”

“No, it’s not,” said Jamie. “I know what it looks like. But it was because of my dad, not because of you. OK?”

“I’m sorry too,” she said. “I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

“It’s fine,” he said. “And to answer your question, no, I haven’t told her. If this all comes to an end, I will, and she can do whatever she wants. It won’t be any of my business. But I’m done with him, Kate. I told him so, and I meant it.”

She nodded.

“How about this?” he said, and raised his second empty bottle. “You think of something else to talk about while I get more drinks. Deal?”

Kate smiled; her face was still paler than it had been a minute earlier, her eyes a fraction wider, but it was a start. “Deal,” she said.

Jamie nodded and headed for the bar, silently cursing himself as he went. The red fire in his eyes was an involuntary reaction to certain stimuli: fear, excitement, anger, the presence of fresh blood, to name just a few. But he knew exactly what it looked like, as he had seen it for himself in the eyes of dozens of vampires; it looked like a display of aggression.

It looked like a threat.

“Four beers, please,” he said to the barman, and risked a glance over his shoulder. Thankfully, Kate wasn’t looking in his direction; she had drawn her console from her belt and her attention was fixed on its screen. He waited patiently for the barman to deliver the second round of drinks, then carried them back to their table. Kate looked up at him and smiled.

“I’ve got a new subject,” she said.

“Oh yeah?” he asked, settling back into his chair. “Let’s hear it.”

“Our genius friend and his scarily beautiful Russian girlfriend.”

Jamie grinned. “Excellent choice,” he said. “Let’s talk about Matt. When was the last time you even saw him?”

“Maybe three days ago?” she said. “I ran into him in the corridor and managed to persuade him to talk to me for about a minute. What about you?”

“Longer than that,” he said. “It must be more than a week. We message most days, although to be honest he hasn’t been answering for the last couple of days. I’d say he must be busy, but when is he ever not?”

“Busy kissing Natalia’s face off, you mean?”

Jamie’s grin widened. “How old are you, thirteen?”

“Piss off,” said Kate, smiling mischievously. “I mean, seriously, why wouldn’t he be? She’s gorgeous, and smart, and nice, and she’s totally into him. I’d probably kiss her myself if the chance came along.”

“Good to know,” said Jamie. “Honestly, I hope he is spending all his time with her. It would be a lot healthier than chaining himself to his desk.”

“Agreed,” said Kate. “But we both know that won’t be what’s happening. They’re probably in the lab right now while we’re sat here drinking beer. It’s what they do.”

“Probably,” said Jamie. “So you think it’s real? Matt and Natalia, I mean?”

“I do,” said Kate, instantly. “I talked to her about him months ago, just before the bomb in my quarters. She was falling for him then, never mind now. And Matt, thank all the stars in the heavens, seems to have managed not to screw it up. So yeah, I think it’s real.”

“I hope so,” said Jamie. “It would be good for at least one of us to have somebody. Especially if the world really is about to end.”

Kate rolled her eyes. “What a cheerful thought,” she said. “The world has been about to end ever since you all got back from France, Jamie. It’s still here.”

“For now,” he said. “Part of me just wishes Dracula would get on with it.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?” he said. “We’d either win or we’d lose. At least we’d know. Or we’d be dead.”

“Wow,” said Kate. “You’re really going for the angry nihilist thing these days, aren’t you?”

Jamie stared intently at her for a long moment, then smiled. “Am I carrying it off?”

“More or less,” said Kate. “I know you really are angry, and I know you feel like you’re alone, but you’re not. I’m still here, Jamie. So is Matt, and so are Ellison and Qiang, and Angela and Jack and Dominique and Paul and everyone else.”

He didn’t respond; he merely stared at his friend.

“Talk to me, Jamie,” she continued. “Talk to me about Larissa.”

He shrugged. “There’s nothing to say.”

“I don’t believe that. Not for a minute.”

“It’s the truth,” said Jamie. “I wish she hadn’t gone, I miss her, and I wish she’d come back. That’s all there is to it.”

“If you say so,” said Kate.

“What about you?” he said. “Do you still miss Shaun?”

Kate grimaced, but gave a brief nod. “Every day,” she said. “Being here makes it harder, to be honest. When people lose somebody out there, they grieve for as long as it takes and then they get to forget about them. I know that sounds bad, and I don’t mean they never think about the person again, but they forget enough to be able to carry on. I get reminded of Shaun every day. Every single day . I see his dad, or one of his friends, or I find myself somewhere we had a conversation. It’s like I’m not allowed to move on.”

Jamie’s heart ached for his friend as she spoke, and he was momentarily furious with Shaun Turner for leaving her like this, trapped by his memory, unable to mourn him and let him go. But it wasn’t Shaun’s fault; he hadn’t asked to have his neck broken by Valeri Rusmanov, hadn’t done anything to deserve the fate that had befallen him apart from fight bravely against almost overwhelming odds.

“I’m sorry,” said Jamie. He picked up his beer, found it empty, and took a long drink from his fourth bottle. “I don’t know what else to say. I’m really sorry, Kate.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said, and gave him a fierce smile. “But thank you for saying it.”

“No worries,” he said. “I was going to ask you about your dad, but maybe we’ve spent enough time discussing friends and family?”

Kate’s smile curdled into a frown. “Oh, on the contrary,” she said. “I’m happy to talk about him. I assume you read that stupid website interview?”

“I read it,” said Jamie. “I take it you weren’t thrilled?”

“That would be putting it very, very mildly,” said Kate, a slight edge to her voice. “I mean, I get that SSL is him trying to make a difference, and I suppose I’m proud of him for that, but I’ll never understand why he decided to tell the whole world that Matt and I work for the Department. Not only was it a crime, given that they both signed the Official Secrets Act, but it was just such a stupidly dangerous thing to do. If SSL hasn’t already made them targets to the people that hate anyone who seems like they’re on the side of the vamps, what do they think announcing that they’re related to serving Blacklight Operators is going to do? What happens when the next psycho with a grudge against the Department decides they can get to me and Matt by hurting our dads? And what if I can’t protect him if that happens? It’s ridiculous, Jamie. It’s absolutely ridiculous . I’m so angry with him.”