Juliet Landon - Marrying the Mistress

‘That is probably the one thing that will not surprise me, my lord. It’s well known that a child’s guardian must always be male, you being the obvious choice, but that does not alter the fact that I am Jamie’s mother and, as such, it is I who will decide where he will go and what he will do. And who he’ll do it with.’

‘Which is why I want you to hear Linas’s will at first hand.’

‘So you know the details of it, do you?’

‘Yes, I know more details than you. That’s only natural. We discussed it as brothers do.’

All too eager to display my wounds while I had the chance, I could not resist putting another slant on it. ‘Oh you did , didn’t you? Four years ago you discussed it. In some detail. Linas wanted an heir. You obliged. And I fell for it like an idiot. Like a resentful birthday-gift-starved fool. I paid for it, too.’

‘You got Jamie. He was what you wanted. Don’t deny it.’

‘But one does like to have a say, nowadays, in who the father is to be. Even mistresses appreciate some warning of that event.’

‘Think about it,’ he snapped. ‘Had you been warned , as you put it, there’d have been no Jamie, would there?’

‘No, my lord. There most certainly would not.’ I had to admit defeat on that brief skirmish, and I had no stomach for a prolonged argument on the topic. I closed my eyes with a sigh, holding a gloved hand to my forehead. ‘This will not do,’ I whispered. ‘It’s too soon for recriminations. Or too late. I’m tired. It’s time I went home.’

He watched me, saying nothing as I recovered.

‘I know there will be changes,’ I said. ‘I’ve had time to prepare for them, whatever they are. And thank you for your offer of a loan, but I think we shall manage for the time being. I also owe you thanks for allowing me access to Linas at the end. That was generous too, and…and appreciated…’ My voice wavered and caught at the back of my throat, dissolving the last word. I took some deep breaths to steady it.

‘It was no more than you deserve. It was your careful nursing that kept him alive longer than his doctors had predicted.’

‘I think it’s more likely to be Jamie who did that.’

‘Yes, that too. Jamie was your other gift to him. Linas was a very fortunate man. He told me so more than once.’

‘Did he?’ I remarked, tonelessly, wistfully.

‘Did he never tell you so?’

‘No. Not even at the end. I think the pain made him forgetful. Or perhaps he thought I was the fortunate one. I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter now, does it? But I mean what I say about not hearing the will read, my lord. I would be out of place. I am not family and I have few expectations, except for Jamie, having fulfilled the role I was employed to do, to everyone’s satisfaction.’

‘You were not employed in any capacity, Miss Follet. You were my brother’s partner. It was his decision not to marry when he discovered he had so few years to live, and our family agreed that for him to do so would serve no useful purpose.’

‘Rather like good farm management, I suppose. You see, I am well able to think it out for myself, Lord Winterson. Having a mistress to support for just a few years was safer than taking on a wife. Linas preferred an illegitimate heir able to legally inherit and keep his estate intact, to a widow who would remarry and siphon it off into another man’s pockets. But don’t tell me that I was not employed, for that is certainly what I was, and I shall not sit with you round a table to be told that my golden goose has gone and left me nothing except my bastard child to care for. You may be very sure I shall guard my only treasure against any attempt to siphon him off into another man’s pocket. He may be the Monkton heir, but he is also my only legacy. Mine , my lord.’

I should not have said it, not then when emotions were so raw, Linas barely out of earshot, and both of us so tired. But my resentments were begging for release, freeing up words that I should have kept tightly controlled, as I had always done. I could have blamed my outspokenness on my northern roots, but that was too easy an excuse. So I held my breath and waited for him to retaliate in the usual Winterson fashion, with a set-down meant to silence me for months. Which he had every right to do.

His reply, when it emerged, was a calm reiteration of his claim. ‘And he is mine too, Helene. Linas has made me his legal guardian and you will have to get used to the idea, like it or not.’

‘I don’t like it.’

‘But I think Jamie will. He needs an active father, now he’s growing up. He needs more to do than walks with his nurse.’

‘He’s still only a babe. He needs only me.’

‘So let’s wait till we’ve heard what provisions Linas has made for you, then we shall know better what his needs are, shan’t we? You are exhausted, and so am I. It’s time you were home. Come. I have to get back to Abbots Mere before the snow gets deeper.’

‘What about the servants?’ I said, relieved to have been let off so lightly. ‘You came here to—’

‘Brierley can stay to deal with that. He lives on Petergate. You should trust him. He’s an honest man.’

‘I’m sure he is. He’ll have your interests at heart.’

‘And Jamie’s. Is that such a bad thing?’

Still, I could not help myself. Perhaps I wanted to provoke him, to make him react, in spite of his courtesy to me. Perhaps I was a little mad that day. ‘If I was retaining him,’ I said, ‘it would not be such a bad thing. But I’m not, am I?’

We had reached the door where his hand rested upon the large brass knob but, as my stupidly caustic remark stung him into action, he turned to me with characteristic speed, taking me by the shoulders with hands that bit through all my woollen layers. Holding me back against the deeply carved doorcase, he bent his head to look inside my hood and, whatever anger he saw on my face, it could have been nothing to the fury on his.

‘Stop it, woman!’ he snarled. ‘You think you’re the only loser in this damned business? You think you’ve had the thin end of the wedge, do you? Well, do you? Forget it. He was my brother. You had him for the best part of six years. I had him for thirty. We both…you and me…did what he wanted us to do, and if you had less choice in the matter than you’d have liked, well, I had just as little. I did it for him, and you believed I did it for you, didn’t you? That’s why you’re so angry. D’ye think I make a habit of creeping into my lady guests’ beds while they’re asleep?’

Since he was being kind enough to ask my opinion on that, I’d like to have said that he must have had a fair bit of practice at it. But, no, I said nothing of the kind. Nothing at all, in fact. I simply shook my head, which made my hood fall off. I noticed two new hairline creases from his nose to his mouth. I noticed that his eyelids were puffy, as if he’d been weeping. I noticed a sprinkling of silver hairs in that luxurious dark mop, just above his ears.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered. ‘I’m overwrought. We both need to rest.’

He sighed through his nose with lips compressed, and I thought he was going to say more because his eyes held mine, letting me read the sadness written there more eloquently than words. Then he released me, and I felt the tingling where his hands had been, and I stood still while he pulled up my hood and settled it round my face. I was under no illusions; he would do the same for any of his closer woman friends, I was sure. Perhaps their minds would empty too, just for those few seconds.

‘Calm down,’ he said, gruffly. ‘Go home and get warm. Come on.’