Annie Lyons - Life Or Something Like It

‘Auntie Cat! We’ve run out of toothpaste and I can’t find any clean pants,’ cried Ellie.

Cat sighed. How quickly the world had changed from dynamic creativity to clean underwear. Still, she would not be defeated. Today’s project was all about giving the children a day they would never forget and perhaps even persuading them that she really was the perfect aunt.

As Andrew put a near-hysterical Ellie to bed that night and Charlie was confined to his room once again, Cat had to concede that the best-laid plans of mice and men are often prone to a visit from Mr and Mrs Cock-up. She had also realised that her limited knowledge of children’s needs was a bigger issue than she had originally anticipated.

Her first mistake had been not to monitor Ellie’s sugar intake. Apparently a spoonful of sugar may help the medicine go down but approximately two hundred and fifty of them make children hyper, then tearful and ultimately quite sick. The biscuit followed by maple syrup, raisins, candyfloss, a Coke and finally a fondant chocolate pudding accompanied by vanilla ice-cream turned out to be a very bad combination for a swiftly tiring small girl.

At first, Ellie had been the archetypal happy six-year-old, skipping along in the sunshine with her brother and aunt. Even Charlie seemed to brighten in the fresh air. When they boarded the train, he let Ellie sit by the window and even though he didn’t speak to his aunt, he talked to his sister, pointing out landmarks and making her laugh. They played word games; they didn’t invite Cat to join in but she didn’t care. She had successfully made it out of the house and onto the train with two small people. That had to be an achievement. Besides, it meant that she could check her e-mails uninterrupted. She smiled to herself as she spotted an e-mail from Jesse. He was just checking in with a question about the Paradise Rivers perfume launch but it restored her faith a little. He signed off with, ‘It’s not the same without you,’ and she felt immediate relief as she typed her reply. All would be well. The children were happy, the sun was shining, Jesse still needed her. Today would be a good day.

‘Do you have any sweets?’ asked Ellie.

Cat rummaged in the bag her brother had packed. ‘There are some raisins.’

‘Ooh yummy, thanks,’ said Ellie, accepting a box.

As they pulled in to Waterloo East, Cat stood up. ‘We’re getting off here,’ she said expecting them to follow. She made her way to the door and turned to see Ellie on her heels but Charlie trailing behind. ‘Come on, Charlie,’ said Cat stepping off the train.

‘Can you help me?’ asked Ellie staring nervously at the wide gap between the train and the platform. Cat reached up and lifted her down. ‘Wheeee!’ cried Ellie.

Cat looked for Charlie but more people had boarded the train and he was nowhere to be seen. As the train beeped, signalling that the doors were closing, she panicked and rushed along the carriage. Charlie was sitting in the seat nearest the doors calmly waving as the train pulled out of the station. ‘Little shit,’ muttered Cat feeling sick. It was a test; this was all a bloody endurance test.

‘Where’s Charlie?’ asked Ellie looking frightened.

Cat could see clearly what she needed to do. She had to get Charlie back and she had to reassure Ellie. She knew how to avert crises and hysteria; this was basically her day job. She knelt down and took Ellie’s hands. ‘Charlie is playing a game and we’re going to play too. It’s an adventure, so we need to dash up the stairs and run over the bridge and hop on another train. Okay?’

‘O-kay,’ said Ellie uncertainly.

‘Let’s go!’ cried Cat, grabbing her hand. They galloped up the stairs and Cat quickly checked for the next Charing Cross train. ‘Platform six!’ she trilled, trying to keep her voice as light as possible. As they hurtled down to the platform she could see that the train wasn’t due for five minutes. ‘Come on, train!’ she said, smiling at Ellie, her stomach churning with panic.

‘Yes come on, Mr Train!’ cried Ellie joining in.

Cat took out her phone and scanned her contacts. There were advantages to be ridiculously well connected. She dialled a number. The phone was answered immediately.

‘Savoy Hotel? How may I help you?’

‘George? This is Cat Nightingale.’

‘Miss Nightingale, what a lovely surprise. I was sorry to hear about the recent incident. A travesty in my opinion.’

‘Thank you, George. I was wondering if you could do me a favour.’

‘Of course. How may I be of service?’

Fifteen minutes later, Cat and Ellie were hurrying along the platform at Charing Cross station. She was relieved to see Charlie standing on the other side of the ticket barriers with a station official who was having a jovial conversation with an impeccably suited man wearing a top hat.

‘There he is, over there!’ cried Ellie, sprinting towards her brother. ‘Charlie, you didn’t tell me you were playing a game. I would have joined in.’

Charlie smiled sheepishly at his sister but wouldn’t look at Cat. She approached the barrier. ‘Thank you, George. You saved my life.’

George tapped his hat in reply. ‘My pleasure, Miss Nightingale, and no more games, young man. Do you hear?’ Charlie stared at the floor but gave a small nod. George seemed satisfied. ‘I hope it’s not too long before we see you again, Miss Nightingale.’

‘Me too,’ said Cat. ‘And thank you again.’

George gave a small bow and disappeared towards the exit. Ellie watched him go, wide-eyed. ‘Is that man a magician?’ she asked.

‘Of sorts.’ Cat smiled. She glanced at her watch. ‘Well we’ve missed our slot on the London Eye.’

‘Oh shame,’ muttered Charlie sarcastically.

Cat looked at him. This wasn’t going to be easy. ‘Oh-hhhh,’ said Ellie sadly. ‘I was looking forward to being a “very important person”.’

Cat spotted a hint of guilt in Charlie’s eyes. ‘Well,’ she said. ‘It can’t be helped, but we are quite near to Trafalgar Square. Shall we go there?’

‘Yesss!’ cried Ellie. ‘I love the lions and Nelson’s whatsit.’

‘Column?’ suggested Cat.

‘That’s it,’ agreed Ellie.

Trafalgar Square was teeming with tourists and the paved area between the square and the National Gallery was lined with street performers. Ellie was transfixed. She hopped and skipped her way between them. She was particularly taken by one Yoda figure who appeared to be levitating.

‘How is he doing that?’ she squealed, circling him like a puppy chasing its tail.

Cat noticed Charlie was keeping his distance. She knew she couldn’t let this morning’s drama go unmentioned. Cat might not be a child-rearing expert but she did know that every action had its consequences. Charlie had his back to her so she tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, a defiant frown clouding his face.

‘I have to talk to you,’ she said.

He shrugged as if to say, ‘Go on then.’

Cat sighed. ‘Look, I know you don’t like me and you’re not happy that I’m looking after you. Fine. If I’m honest, it wasn’t my choice.’ Charlie stared up at her. He wasn’t used to such candour from adults. Cat continued. ‘But the thing is, your dad needs me and I am happy to help because he’s my brother and I’d do anything for him.’ Charlie looked away but Cat knew he was listening. ‘I get the feeling you understand that, because I think you’d probably do anything for Ellie, wouldn’t you?’ Charlie gave a barely discernible nod. ‘So you may not like me but if you love your sister, don’t pull any more stunts like the one you pulled this morning. You scared her and you spoiled a really nice treat for her.’