Terri Reed - Protect And Serve

She lay back, wishing the oblivion of sleep would take her away, but her mind was buzzing with all that had transpired. The image of Veronica’s lifeless eyes staring at the sky tormented her. Worry for the missing puppy scraped her nerves raw.

“Please let us find Marco, Lord,” she whispered, finally finding some reserve of faith. She curled on her side. The sleeping puppies looked so peaceful. So vulnerable. They needed her now. She had to be strong for their sake.

Her mouth felt like cotton. She needed water. She rose to check the bathroom for a cup and found none. She left the bedroom to pad barefoot to the kitchen in search of a glass. As she passed the living room, she noticed Shane sitting on the couch, brushing Bella, who sat at his feet, obviously enjoying the attention to her coat.

Light from the gas fireplace played in the dark strands of Shane’s hair, making them appear more blue than black. Once again the pull of longing lurched at her and attraction flickered through her. He was so handsome and capable. And she appreciated the fact that he’d apologized for jumping to an assumption of her guilt before knowing all the facts. She figured it was probably hard for him to admit he was wrong. But he’d owned up to his mistake and that meant a lot to her.

Plus, she had enjoyed working with him during their training. Even if he was a bit impatient with the progress, he’d never once taken that impatience out on Bella or Gina. But Gina had seen the frustration in his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. She wasn’t sure what had driven him. Wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Getting too close to her protector wouldn’t be smart.

She paused, contemplating turning back. But then Shane’s gaze lifted and met hers.

He swiftly rose, the brush dropping to the floor. “Are you okay?”

The concern in his tone caused warmth to flow through her. Bella cocked her head and stared at Gina as if waiting for her answer, as well.

She smiled. “I’m fine. I just wanted a glass for water.”

He nodded and resumed his seat. “Glasses are in the cupboard to the right of the sink.”

Bella lay down at his feet, apparently reassured that all was well.

She filled a glass from the tap. She drank the cool liquid and then refilled the glass to take to her room. She halted on the threshold of the living room. “Why are you still up?”

“Someone has to stand guard. Just in case.”

A shiver of dread skated over her flesh. She felt bad that he was losing sleep to keep watch over her. However, she did appreciate his sacrifice. “Have you heard if anyone has reported finding the puppy?”

He shook his head. “No. I’m sure the chief will let us know if he turns up.”

Heaviness burdened her heart. Her hand tightened around the glass. “What if no one finds him? What if he’s hurt? Or worse?”

“Don’t go there. You can’t give up hope. We’ll find him.”

He sounded so confident. She wanted to believe him.

“Tell me about your brother,” Shane asked, surprising her. “You’re twins. Who’s older?”

She moved to sit on the edge of the recliner facing Shane. Warmth from the fire curled around her. “I am, by two minutes and forty-five seconds.”

“How long has Tim been...?” His voice faded with uncertainty.

She bit out, “It’s okay, you can say it. Mentally ill.”

“Right.” He sounded uncomfortable. Which was how most people reacted when they learned of Tim’s condition. “Mentally ill.”

Memories crashed over her, making her heart ache. “The professionals had a hard time diagnosing him. His symptoms were all over the place. No impulse control, inattentive, hyper. But then, as we got older, his mood swings became more erratic, violent even. Our mom was the only one who could handle him.” Her heart burned with grief. “She died when we were fifteen.”

“I’m sorry. How?”

She appreciated the sympathy in Shane’s voice, but she dared not look at him or the tears would break through. Instead she focused on the blue-gold flames in the fireplace. “A car accident. She hit a patch of black ice and slammed into a concrete barrier.”

Shane made a sympathetic noise in his throat. Bella shimmied closer and put a paw on her foot as if sensing her sorrow.

Gina leaned down to run her hand over Bella’s soft coat. “Tim took Mom’s death really hard.” Her heart squeezed tight and she straightened. “It was hard on all of us. I miss her every day. Dad did the best he could. But being a cop and a father of two teenagers was a lot for him to handle.”

“That’s right, you’d said your dad was a police officer. So is mine. And my grandfather was and both brothers are.”

“Ah.” That explained his drive. He had a family legacy to live up to and he was anxious to get going on his career.

“My dad would be lost without my mom,” he said softly.

“Yeah, Dad had a rough time of it. Especially as Tim’s behavior became more unpredictable. He hung around some bad influences and started down a very destructive, criminal path. Dad forced him to see a counselor, who passed Tim on to a psychiatrist. But Tim wasn’t interested in getting help. I can’t blame all of his behavior on his mental illness. He made his choices of his own free will.”

“And you? How are you?”

She could feel Shane’s gaze on her. More than curiosity drove his question. She understood. This wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last someone asked if she, too, had a mental illness. As soon as anyone learned of Tim’s disorder, she became suspect, since they were twins. “I saw the same psychiatrist, just in case.”

“And?”

“He said I didn’t display any of the markers. But no one can guarantee I won’t develop a mental disorder one day. It runs in my mother’s family.” A constant fear that hung over her life like a dark cloud threatening to wash her away and kept her from risking her heart. She wouldn’t subject anyone to that uncertainty.

“Did the psychiatrist have any idea why your brother would be affected and you seemingly aren’t?”

She shrugged. “Even non-twin siblings have a ten-percent chance of developing the same disorders.”

“That’s a pretty low percentage. Chances are you’ll never suffer the same fate.”

She wished she could count on his words to be true. “But there is still a chance. No one can make any guarantees one way or the other.”

“One of God’s many mysteries.”

She met his gaze, expecting to see wariness, pity even. Instead, his expression was open and sincere.

“I often wonder why God chose to afflict Tim,” she told him. “Dad would say God never made mistakes and that, for reasons we may never know, God made Tim the way he is for a purpose.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her tone. “I love my brother but I fear him, and have for as long as I can remember. Maybe I inherently knew something wasn’t right with him. As for a purpose? That I can’t wrap my mind around.”

“I agree with your dad. God has a purpose for Tim. For you. I don’t know what that purpose is, but He does have one. You have to trust Him.”

She cocked her head and studied Shane. She hadn’t realized he was a believer. But then again, it wasn’t something they’d had reason to discuss during class, and she’d been very careful to keep things work-focused despite how much she wanted to spend time with him outside class. “My dad would have liked you.”

The green of his eyes was highlighted by the firelight. “I wish I’d had the chance to meet him.”

So did she. A wave of sadness washed over her. She missed her dad so much.

Bella jumped to her feet, her ears back. She let out a loud bark.

A shaft of anxiety tore through Gina. “What’s wrong with her?”