Shirlee McCoy - Sworn To Protect

And, Jordan was gone. Murdered. The reason for it was as shocking as his death had been. Martin Fisher, a man Katie had gone out with twice before she had begun dating Jordan, had become obsessed with her and decided that getting Jordan out of the way would clear a path to the relationship he longed for.

The guilt Katie felt over that was almost overwhelming.

No matter how many people told her that it wasn’t her fault, that she couldn’t blame herself for Martin’s insane bid to win her love, she couldn’t help thinking that if she had turned down his invitation when he had asked her out to lunch a few years ago, Jordan would still be alive.

She swallowed down tears, refusing to let her mother-in-law see her sorrow. Ivy had lost her son. That grief had to be almost unbearable. Somehow, though, she had managed to pull herself together and focus on her three remaining sons, her granddaughter and, of course, Katie and the impending baby.

Ivy had done everything she could to make certain Katie didn’t feel alone during the pregnancy. If she had not been able to attend obstetric visits with her, Ivy had one of Jordan’s brothers go. Someone was always there, sitting in the waiting room.

But, no amount of in-law love could make up for the fact that Jordan was gone. Over seven months now.

She missed him every day.

Today, she missed him even more.

They should have been at home, checking the hospital bag to make sure everything was packed for the big day. They should have been putting the finishing touches on the nursery, putting away baby diapers and bibs, and making certain that their daughter’s home would be warm, welcoming and ready.

“Are you okay, dear?” Ivy asked, her voice echoing through the quiet corridor of the medical center. Unlike other obstetric patients, Katie had not been ushered to an exam room. She was being taken to Dr. Ritter’s office—a corner room in the far reaches of the medical building. This wasn’t a normal appointment. This was an appointment designed to put Katie at ease, to make sure she felt comfortable and confident as she reached her due date.

“Just a little tired,” she replied.

“Are you sure? Alex and I both feel that you’ve been pensive these last few days. More quiet than usual. We don’t want to pry, but we also don’t want to miss cues that you need more help.”

“You’ve given me plenty of help, and I’m fine. The baby is getting big, and I’m getting uncomfortable. That’s all there is to my pensiveness.” She kept her voice light and offered a quick smile.

“We thought maybe...”

“What?”

“I hate to even bring it up.” Ivy glanced at the nurse who was leading them down the hall, her voice little more than a whisper as she continued. “But, Martin Fisher’s escape from the psychiatric hospital has to have put you on edge.”

“It has. I’m not going to lie. I feel nervous, but the police and K-9 team are working hard to find him. They aren’t going to let him get to me. And, God is still in control.” The last one was what she was clinging to. Knowing that God was in charge. That He had a plan. That no matter what, He would work things out for His good.

“Yes. He is. And, you’re right—the NYPD is doing everything in its power to bring Martin in. I just... I don’t want you to worry. Not now. Now, with the baby’s birth so close.”

“I’m trying not to,” she said, pasting on another phony smile. She wanted to relax and enjoy the last days and weeks before the baby arrived, but how could she not worry? Martin Fisher was out there somewhere. So far, he had stayed away, but she knew that might not last forever. He might be biding his time, waiting for the right opportunity to come after her. She was the object of his obsession, the reason he had killed Jordan and, maybe, the purpose behind his escape. If he did come after her, there were three possible outcomes.

He could kidnap her and hide her somewhere she’d never be found. In his twisted mind, the baby would be his.

He could kill her—in the classic “if I can’t have you, no one can” scenario.

He could try either of the above, and the NYPD would get to him first.

She was counting on the third option. Jordan had been the chief of the NYC K-9 Command Unit. His three brothers were all cops. They were committed to apprehending Martin before he could cause more harm.

She would be safe. Her baby would be safe. Katie had to be believe that.

“Here we are,” the nurse said, pushing open a door at the end of the hall. Young, with a bright smile and eyes the color of dark chocolate, she knew why Katie was being seen in the doctor’s office rather than an exam room. Everyone who worked at the clinic was aware of the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy—that the baby’s father had been murdered, that he had been one of New York’s finest.

What they didn’t know—what they couldn’t—was how loved Jordan had been. How kind. How good of a father he had planned to be.

“Thank you,” Katie murmured, blinking back tears.

She hated crying in public.

Just like she hated the pity she could see in the nurse’s eyes.

“Is there anything I can get you while you’re waiting?” the nurse asked.

“I’m good.” Katie stepped into the doctor’s office, took a seat on one of the leather chairs that faced his desk and dropped her purse on the floor near her feet. She had been in this room before. Just a week after Jordan had died, she had attended her first prenatal appointment. Dr. Ritter had met with her here before taking her to the exam room.

“Okay. You let me know if you change your mind. Dr. Ritter will be with you shortly. He’s just delivered a baby, but he’ll arrive at the clinic soon. Your next prenatal exam is scheduled for next week, right?”

“Yes.”

“Who knows?” The nurse smiled. “Maybe the baby will be here before then.”

“Wouldn’t that be lovely!” Ivy exclaimed, her cheerfulness a little too bright and a little too brittle. The previous day, she had been talking excitedly about the Thanksgiving meal she was planning. Ivy was the consummate hostess. She loved to cook and entertain, and she had invited a dozen people to join the family for Thanksgiving.

The house would be full.

But, one Jordan-sized space would remain empty.

Ivy was as aware of that as Katie.

The nurse smiled again and departed.

For a moment, the room was silent except for the soft hum of the heat blowing through the floor vents.

Ivy cleared her throat and settled into the chair next to Katie. “It’s going to be okay,” she said.

“I know,” Katie lied.

She didn’t know.

No matter how much she wanted to trust God’s plan, she couldn’t stop worrying that she wouldn’t be enough for the child she was carrying. Good enough. Smart enough. Strong enough. Loving enough. Parent enough to make up for the fact that the baby didn’t have a father.

This wasn’t the plan, God.

This wasn’t what was supposed to happen .

How am I going to do this alone?

How many times had she prayed those words since Jordan had died?

Too many.

And, there was never any answer. Never any clear direction as to how she could be all of the things the baby would need.

“You don’t look like you know it,” Ivy replied. She had aged since Jordan’s death; lines that had not been there before bracketed her mouth and fanned out from her eyes. She was a beautiful woman. Strong. Determined. But, losing her son had cost her.

“Like I said, I’m tired. It’s hard to sleep with this one kicking me in the ribs all night.” She patted her belly. No fake smile this time. She was too tired to try.