Darren Shan - Vampire War Trilogy

“Filled with poison. If this frog wrapped its tongue around your arm or the calf of your leg, the sacs would pop and the poison would seep in through your flesh.” He shook his head grimly. “Death in thirty seconds.”

Vancha laid the frog down on the damp grass and let go of its tongue. It hopped away about its business. Harkat and me walked with extreme care after that!

When we reached the mouth of the cave, we stopped. Mr Crepsley and Vancha sat down and laid aside their packs. Vancha took out a bone he’d been chewing on for the last couple of nights and got to work on it, pausing only to spit at the occasional frog which wandered too close to us.

“Aren’t we going in?” I asked.

“Not without being invited,” Mr Crepsley replied. “Evanna does not take kindly to intruders.”

“Isn’t there a bell we can ring?”

“Evanna has no need of bells,” he said. “She knows we are here and will come to greet us in her own time.”

“Evanna’s not a lady to be rushed,” Vancha agreed. “A friend of mine thought he’d enter the cave on the quiet once, to surprise her.” He munched cheerfully on his bone. “She gave him huge warts all over. He looked like … like…” Vancha frowned. “It’s hard to say, because I’ve never seen anything quite like it – and I’ve seen most everything in my time!”

“Should we be here if she’s that dangerous?” I asked worriedly.

“Evanna will not harm us,” Mr Crepsley assured me. “She has a quick temper, and it’s best not to rile her, but she would never kill one with vampire blood, unless provoked.”

“Just make sure you don’t call her a witch,” Vancha warned, for what must have been the hundredth time.

Half an hour after we’d settled by the cave, dozens of frogs – larger than those surrounding the pond – came hopping out. They formed a circle around us and sat, blinking slowly, hemming us in. I started to get to my feet, but Mr Crepsley told me to stay seated. Moments later, a woman emerged from the cave. She was the ugliest, most unkempt woman I’d ever seen. She was short – barely taller than the squat Harkat Mulds – with long, dark, untidy hair. She had rippling muscles and thick, strong legs. Her ears were sharply pointed, her nose was tiny – it looked like there were just two holes above her upper lip – and her eyes were narrow. When she got closer, I saw that one eye was brown and the other green. What was even stranger was that the colours switched – one minute her left eye would be brown, the next her right.

She was extraordinarily hairy. Her arms and legs were covered with black hair; her eyebrows were two large caterpillars; bushy hair grew out of her ears and nostrils; she had a fairly full beard, and her moustache would have put Otto von Bismarck to shame.

Her fingers were surprisingly stubby. As a witch, I’d expected her to have bony claws, though I guess that’s an image I got from books and comics I read when I was a child. Her nails were cut short, except for on the two little fingers, where they grew long and sharp.

She didn’t wear traditional clothes, or animal hides like Vancha. Instead she dressed in ropes . Long, thickly woven, yellow ropes, wrapped around her chest and lower body, leaving her arms, legs and stomach free.

I’d have found it hard to imagine a more fearsome, off-putting woman, and my insides gurgled uneasily as she shuffled towards us.

“Vampires!” she snorted, stepping through the ranks of frogs, which parted as she advanced. “Always ugly bloody vampires! Why don’t handsome humans ever come a-calling?”

“They’re probably afraid you’d eat them,” Vancha laughed in reply, then stood and hugged her. She hugged back, hard, and lifted the Vampire Prince off his feet.

“My little Vancha,” she cooed, as though cuddling a baby. “You’ve put on some weight, Sire.”

“And you’re uglier than ever, Lady,” he grunted, gasping for breath.

“You’re only saying that to please me,” she giggled, then dropped him and turned to Mr Crepsley. “Larten,” she nodded politely.

“Evanna,” he replied, standing and bowing. Then, without warning, he kicked out at her. But, swift as he was, the witch was swifter. She grabbed his leg and twisted. He rolled over and collapsed flat on the ground. Before he could react, Evanna jumped on his back, grabbed his chin and pulled his head up sharply.

“Surrender?” she yelled.

“Yes!” he wheezed, face reddening – not with shame, but pain.

“Wise boy,” she laughed, and kissed his forehead quickly.

Then she stood and studied Harkat and me, running a curious green eye over Harkat and a brown one over me.

“Lady Evanna,” I said as warmly as I could, trying not to let my teeth chatter.

“It is good to meet you, Darren Shan,” she replied. “You are welcome.”

“Lady,” Harkat said, bowing politely. He wasn’t as nervous as me.

“Hello, Harkat,” she said, returning Harkat’s bow. “You are also welcome – as you were before.”

“ Before ?” he echoed.

“This is not your first visit,” she said. “You have changed in many ways, within and without, but I recognize you. I’m gifted that way. Appearances don’t deceive me for long.”

“You mean … you know who I was … before I became a Little Person?” Harkat asked, astonished. When Evanna nodded, he leant forward eagerly. “Who was I?”

The witch shook her head. “Can’t say. That’s for you to find out.”

Harkat wanted to push the matter, but before he could, she fixed her gaze on me and stepped forward to cup my chin between several cold, rough fingers. “So this is the boy Prince,” she murmured, turning my head left, then right. “I thought you would be younger.”

“He was struck by the purge as we travelled here,” Mr Crepsley informed her.

“That explains it.” She hadn’t let go of my face and still her eyes scanned me, as though probing for weakness.

“So,” I said, feeling as though I should speak, saying the first thing that popped into my head, “you’re a witch, are you?”

Mr Crepsley and Vancha groaned.

Evanna’s nostrils flared and her head shot forward so our faces were millimetres apart. “ What did you call me?” she hissed.

“Um. Nothing. Sorry. I didn’t mean it. I – ”

“You two are to blame!” she roared, spinning away from me to face a wincing Mr Crepsley and Vancha March. “You told him I was a witch!”

“No, Evanna,” Vancha said quickly.

“We told him not to call you that,” Mr Crepsley assured her.

“I should gut the pair of you,” Evanna growled, cocking the little finger of her right hand at them. “I would, too, if Darren wasn’t here – but I’d hate to make a bad first impression.” Glowering hotly, she relaxed her little finger. Mr Crepsley and Vancha relaxed too. I could barely believe it. I’d seen Mr Crepsley face fully armed vampaneze without flinching, and was sure Vancha was every bit as composed in the face of great danger. Yet here they stood, trembling before a short, ugly woman with nothing more threatening than a couple of long fingernails!

I started to laugh at the vampires, but then Evanna whirled around and the laughter died on my lips. Her face had changed and she now looked more like an animal than a human, with a huge mouth and long fangs. I took a frightened step back. “Mind the frogs!” Harkat shouted, grabbing my arm to stop me stepping on one of the poisonous guards.

I glanced down to make sure I hadn’t trodden on any frogs. When I looked up again, Evanna’s face was back to normal. She was smiling. “Appearances, Darren,” she said. “Never let them fool you.” The air around her shimmered. When it cleared, she was tall, lithe and beautiful, with golden hair and a flowing white gown. My jaw dropped and I stared at her rudely, astonished by how pretty she was.