Jenny Oliver - Love At Christmas, Actually

‘Welcome to motherhood,’ she said.

Chapter Ten

July 2003

‘You do realise this is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas?’ Lucas fiddled with his shirt collar in the rear view mirror. Megan had come out to sit in the car with him, seeing as he’d been parked outside her house for the last twenty minutes.

‘It’s not that bad. They like you.’

‘I am the very symbol of your rebellion. They hate me,’ Lucas shrugged, ‘look, I’m doing this because you’ve asked me to, but I expect rewards for this. And brownie points. And if someone punches me you have to sit there with frozen peas and make sympathetic girlfriend faces.’

Megan grinned, ‘have I actually found something the one and only Lucas Bright, rock legend, is scared of?’

‘Have you met your mother?’ Lucas rolled his eyes, and opened the car door. ‘Come on then, let’s get the party started. I brought my own pitchfork incase they broke their last one.’

He walked around the car and hovered as she got out, reaching for her hand. He looked nervous, a little paler than usual, a little clammy (probably from wearing a long sleeved shirt on a warm July evening). It was somehow adorable.

‘Thank you for doing this,’ Megan linked her arm through his as they walked up to the front door.

‘She gets two pops at my Mum and unlimited comments about my career prospects and bad grades-’

‘You don’t have bad grades.’

‘But I’m not going to Cambridge,’ he raised an eyebrow, before continuing, ‘and if she starts on Clare or you, I’m out.’

‘She wants you here to get to know you,’ Megan said sensibly, and managed to look serious for about a minute, before laughing.

‘Megan McAllister, the sort of girl who’ll bring a lamb to slaughter,’ Lucas sighed and kissed her cheek as they reached the front door.

‘Lucas Bright, the sort of guy who’ll meet families just to keep a girl happy. Who knew?’

‘You know, and that’s what matters.’

In the end, Heather hadn’t hated him. She’d wanted to, but the charm offensive was far too strong, and by the end of the night, despite his low status and the fact that he wasn’t going anywhere fast, she was convinced Lucas might even be good for Megan. A motivator. He wanted great things for her. Jonathan chatted to him about music, and for the first time in a long time, the McAllister household was calm.

***

Skye returned at six pm with a smug look on her face. Megan opened the door, saw Skye jump up and give him a hug, declaring ‘Bye, Trouble!’ before she ran into the house.

‘Hey you,’ he grinned, leaning on the door frame, ‘missed me?’

‘Not as much as my daughter, apparently.’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘Care to explain?’

‘We’ve bonded,’ he shrugged, running a hand through his dark hair, ‘and I wanted some advice on your Christmas present.’

‘Luke, I haven’t got you anything –’ she said quickly, and he leaned in, dropping a kiss onto her lips.

‘Yes you have.’ He smiled against her, hands on her waist. ‘You’ve given me a second chance.’

‘I don’t –’

‘And I just wanted to give you something to say thank you, to say how I’ve missed you. To show you how happy I am.’ He beamed at her, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, and he was warm and solid, and there. But there weren’t second chances, she wasn’t staying, and he had to know that, right?

‘That’s great babe, and I appreciate it, but –’

‘No buts! Me and Skye want to give the present to you together. I know you’re spending Christmas Day with your family, but I thought maybe this evening I could come back…?’

He looked so eager, it was hard to say no.

Jonathan approached the door whilst they were talking, reaching out a hand to Lucas. He lifted one hand from around Megan, but didn’t make a move to extricate himself.

‘Son, it’s so good to have you back around again, and seeing the two of you together…’ he smiled, ‘just like old times. Makes an old man happy, you know?’

‘We’re not –’ Megan started.

‘You doing anything tomorrow, son, with your mother and sister away? I know we’d love to have you.’

‘Dad!’ Megan said, irritated. ‘Don’t you think you should ask Mum before inviting people to Christmas dinner?’

‘It’s just Lucas,’ Jonathan shrugged, ‘we’ve known him forever.’

‘And until last week you spent the last ten years trying to beat him up whenever you saw him.’

‘Completely justified,’ Lucas nodded, ‘I’d have done the same, sir.’

‘Stop it! Both of you!’ Megan growled.

‘Don’t you want me to come to dinner, Angel?’

‘Would you stop calling me that? I’m not Angel! I’ve never been an angel! I fuck up, and I make mistakes, and you can’t just ignore that because I’m here again!’

Lucas looked at her like he wasn’t really sure what to do with that information.

‘I know you’re not perfect, love, it’s just a nickname.’

She stood looking at him, feeling her father shrug behind her as he walked away.

‘I don’t have to come to dinner…’ he shrugged, ‘your dad was just being nice.’

Well, now she felt like a bitch. ‘It’s not that…it’s just…we’re going to be going soon, and I’m worried about Skye getting attached to you.’

‘And what about you? Are you worried about being attached to me?’ He leaned in closer until she was settled in his arms again.

‘Yes. I am,’ she said quietly. ‘I’ve managed pretty well without you these last ten years and…’

‘And you don’t want me to come on in, fuck it all up and have to start again from scratch,’ Lucas nodded. ‘I get it, Meg, I do. But at some point, you’re going to have to let someone in. No one’s going to be good enough for the two of you, but you have to take a chance.’

She rested her head against his, breathing deeply, knowing he was right, but still not able to let go of that fear. It wasn’t just her life any more, it was Skye’s. The poor kid had been through enough trauma this week. It was safer to be alone.

‘Trouble!’ Skye ran back. ‘Are we going to give Mum her present now? Or tomorrow?’

‘Up to your mum, kid,’ Lucas said, searching Megan’s eyes for the answer.

She took a deep breath.

‘Tomorrow. Lucas will come by tomorrow and we’ll eat and do presents after dinner.’

Skye clapped her hands in glee, a motion she’d no doubt stolen from her grandmother.

She looked at him. ‘I’m really trying.’

‘I know you are, babe. I’m just trying to keep on knocking those walls down every time you put a new one up. You don’t have to do everything on your own any more. You never had to.’

He kissed her cheek gently, knelt down to give Skye a hug, and some sort of deeply complicated handshake they’d created. And then he was gone, leaving Megan bereft and relieved all at once.

Chapter Eleven

December 2005

Megan was trying to be upbeat, holding Skye close to her as they sat around looking at the Christmas tree in the centre. They’d been kind, the people there, finding her a room. She’d made her money last, sparingly spending on food, trying to figure out what she could do. She thought there might be a way to use the crèche at the centre, and look for a job. If she could get a job, she could get out. But Skye wasn’t even six months yet, and the idea of leaving her with strangers made Megan’s chest contract. She’d crashed with Beanie, a friend who’d gone off to uni in London the year before. Beanie’s parents were loaded, and she had a gorgeous flat in Chalk Farm. But the point was that a baby in student accommodation wasn’t really fair, and she’d always planned to leave. She needed a plan, and for once she didn’t have one. She’d applied for housing, would be getting a little money every month when the papers went through, she’d been assured, but until then she was waking up each morning in the hostel, not sure if there’d be a bed for them the next night. As much as the people at the centre were trying to help her, she was still scared all the time. She’d known it was going to be difficult, but she didn’t really think about what ‘homeless mother’ meant before. She’d only been focused on leaving her mother’s disgusted look behind her. She was never going back. She’d put up with whatever she needed to.