Jane Wenham-Jones - The Big Five O

Fay turned into Rectory Road and down through Nelson Place to Albion Street, looking at the restaurants and cafes that now lined the bottom of Broadstairs, so many more than when she’d been a child. She swung the car past Costa Coffee, wrinkling her nose in disapproval – she had banked there when it was still Barclays! – and up York Street, headed for the Pysons Road Industrial Estate where Sternhouse Removals had its home.

She put her foot down as she left the last roundabout, finding the wind whipping through her hair exhilarating. It was a lovely cold, sharp day. She would have liked to have reason to take the car for a belt up the motorway but the office called. Reluctantly she slowed down and turned onto the estate following the winding road round until her empire stood before her.

She felt the small rush of pleasure and achievement she got every time she saw the row of distinctive brown and orange lorries, parked outside the small glass and steel reception area with the huge storage facility stretching behind it. The business had been here for nearly fifty years – but it had tripled in size since she’d taken over.

‘Morning Ma’am!’ A young man in a dark brown boiler suit, with the orange Sternhouse logo, jumped down from one of the cabs and saluted her smartly as she walked towards the main doors. Fay grinned. ‘Good morning, Toby.’

She crossed the small carpeted space with its four chairs, coffee table and water cooler, and through the door at the back. As she walked through the drivers’ room, shaking her head at the discarded cups and day-old newspapers, a stocky man in his fifties looked up from a computer screen in the corner.

‘How we doing, Len?’ Fay kept going into her own office, propping the door open for him to follow. He rose and strolled after her, a blue folder under his arm.

‘The Waldron Road woman has booked. But she wants to go on the 21 stnow. Which is tricky because we’ve got three other big ones the day before and her packing’s going to take a day on its own.’

Fay threw her jacket on the hat stand in the corner of her office and flicked the switch on the coffee machine. ‘Get some more bodies in from the casuals list.’

‘I already have.’

Fay nodded as Len continued. ‘We’ll have to put Toby and Will on her job – can’t trust that to just anyone – have you seen how much china she’s got?’

‘I did the quote didn’t I? Speaking of which, I’ve got three more to do this morning. I hope Elaine’s on time for a change.’

‘It was only one morning,’ Len’s tone was mild. ‘Her grandson was off school and her daughter had to get to work.’

Fay snorted. ‘Elaine needs to get to work! There are a stack of invoices to go out as well.’

‘It’s not even quarter to nine yet.’

‘Hmmm. Want one of these?’ Fay slotted a pod into the machine and pressed the button, apparently intent on the dark stream of espresso that began to trickle into her cup.

‘Yeah go on then.’ Len sat down in her other office chair. ‘How’s your mum?’

‘Still away with the fairies.’

‘But OK? Being looked after.’

‘She still thinks she’s staying in a hotel but she’s almost stopped asking when she’s going home. Says the food is mostly OK but they can’t cook liver. Wants me to have a word …’ Fay gave a sudden shout of laughter. ‘I would but offal hasn’t once been on the menu!’

‘Ah,’ said Len, affection in his voice. ‘I liked your mum. Jean was a good woman. Your dad was devoted to her.’

‘I don’t know why – she was never off his back. Always bloody creating about something.’

Len raised his eyebrows and gave a small smile. Fay removed her cup and put another in its place. ‘Don’t look at me like that. I only create when it’s justified.’

Len smiled again. ‘That was just her way. She was kind to me. Sent round casseroles when both the kids were born.’

‘I know – you’ve told me before. Are you angling for me to make you one or something?’

‘Can’t imagine you cooking anything like that.’

‘Well, you’d be surprised.’ She laughed again. ‘I’ll buy you a pint and a pie next week.’

‘By the time we’re the other side of this lot, we’ll need it. And talking of kids–’ Len pulled a large pink envelope from the folder. ‘For Matthew and Lisa. We’ve had a whip round for flowers and a toy for the baby. Just waiting for you to sign now.’

Fay fished in her handbag and then held out a twenty-pound note. She didn’t look at the cover of the card, just opened it and signed her name briskly in the bottom left-hand corner, before pushing it all back towards Len.

‘Having kids costs a fortune these days,’ Len said conversationally. ‘And Matt has shaped up good. He’s well past his probation period and I was thinking–’

‘How much?’

‘Another couple of grand a year – bring him in line with the other younger ones now he’s trained.’

‘I’ll get Elaine onto it with the next payroll. Now what have we got in the pipeline to pay for all this?’

By the time the older woman arrived, Fay had been through the next week’s job sheets with Len and he’d disappeared to round up the lads he needed for a relocation to Hemel Hempstead. Through the window, Fay watched him cross the yard.

She’d been twenty-seven when she’d been called back from her teaching job in Spain because her father had collapsed with a heart attack. Len had been thirty-three then but he’d worked with her Dad since he was sixteen and knew what to do. She thought back gratefully to how he’d taught her the ropes in those awful early months, made sure the younger men showed her respect, came in early and stayed late even when his wife was kicking off, quietly supporting her as she threw herself into running and later expanding the business.

Now she could run it herself with one hand tied behind her back. But she wouldn’t want to – she was glad Len was there to oversee the daily detail, work out the rotas, get the lorries serviced and make it all happen. He was a brilliant right-hand man, good at knowing instinctively who to employ, who to let go, not afraid to disagree with her if he thought she’d got it wrong. She’d tried to look out for him too, since his divorce, often taking him to the pub on a Friday – feigning polite interest in the pictures of his grandchildren even though–

Fay gazed at her computer screen open on an excel sheet. Elaine was tapping away in the adjoining room, her back to Fay, everyone else was out on jobs.

She hadn’t looked for days. It had been better since she’d banned herself from using the computer at home. Left her laptop at the office. And taken the app off her phone.

Fay’s eyes locked on the icon in the bottom left hand corner of her screen. She’d sworn she wasn’t going to do this any more. She hesitated, then almost robotically she double-clicked. Went through the usual motions till there it was. The mop of dark hair thrown back, the laughing face, squinting in the sun – if it were her, Fay, she’d have been wearing sunglasses. And in her arms … Fay felt the familiar tightness in her chest, she was holding herself rigidly as if by keeping very still, she’d feel nothing. She breathed out slowly, looking at the golden-haired toddler, clutching the pink plastic spade. There were no new pictures. Nothing had changed.

She’d told Len she was trying to create a proper demarcation between work and leisure. He’d been approving – said she worked too hard, that the business was flourishing and everything was under control. She should have proper days off …

He didn’t know she left the laptop here, to save her from herself.