Janice Kay - In Hope's Shadow

No, she told him, she’d never come close to anything as serious as marriage. “Just hasn’t happened,” she said, going for unconcerned.

“What about Seth?”

Surprised by his blunt question, she hesitated. It was good he felt compelled to ask, wasn’t it? Surely the implication was that he wanted to pursue a relationship with her. And, despite her hesitations, she couldn’t remember being as attracted to a man as she was to Ben.

“I liked Seth,” she admitted. “I was more interested than he was, I suspect, but, honestly, we never got past a few casual dinners. A couple of movies.” She lifted one shoulder. “I didn’t take it very well when he dropped me, but I’ll bet you can guess why.”

“Hope. Bailey,” Ben corrected himself.

“Right. It took me a while to realize that what really hurt was being thrown over for her. I guess you can tell I have some unresolved jealousy going on here.”

“I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” The smile in his eyes reassured her. “I saw your mother when she came to see Seth every week. The hurt and hope on her face—” He grimaced. “Poor choice of words. You had to have been left wondering...”

When he didn’t finish, she did. “Whether I came close to filling the hole in their lives left by her disappearance? I didn’t wonder. I knew.”

“You’re sure it wasn’t in your head? Even if the two of you had really been sisters, they’d have mourned for her as much. The one doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the other.”

“I do know that.” She averted her face. This wasn’t something she usually shared with anyone. And...she’d been lucky. How many times had she had to remind herself? The Lawsons loved her. They’d given her so much. “I was nine when they adopted me. When your own parents don’t want you, and then you get passed around in foster care, it can’t help but make you doubt yourself. How...lovable you really are.” She hated seeing what might be only sympathy in his expression, but looked a lot like pity. “So my rational self knows you’re right. Doesn’t mean that somewhere deep inside I don’t still wonder.”

“I understand.”

His forehead had crinkled and a momentarily distant look in his eyes made her speculate whether he had better reason to understand than he’d said. There had to be a cause for those shadows she’d noticed.

Instinct told her not to ask, though. Feeling as if she’d bared enough of herself, too, she asked a question about how the detective division worked, and from that point on their conversation avoided anything too personal.

During the mostly quiet drive to her apartment house, Eve regretted saying as much as she had. She hadn’t much liked herself lately. She needed to put the jealousy and resentment and self-doubt behind herself. Telling a guy she liked how petty she could be—and on a first date—should be on her list of top ten don’ts.

Thinking about why she’d shot her big mouth off had to be the reason she felt tense. Although she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about the good-night kiss. The one that would be a peck if Ben had changed his mind about her.

He parked in a visitor’s slot at her complex and walked her up, waiting while she unlocked her door. She dropped her handbag on the small table just inside and turned to smile at him.

“I’m glad you suggested this. I had a good time, Ben. Thank you for dinner.”

“I enjoyed myself, too. I should have asked for your phone number six months ago.”

Eve blinked. “But...we hadn’t met.”

“I saw you on TV. The press conference. I...commented to Seth on what a beauty Bailey’s sister was. I kind of wonder now if the Thanksgiving and Christmas get-togethers weren’t engineered for us to meet.”

“That never occurred to me.” Was it possible he liked her looks better than Bailey’s? Because of his daughter, she’d assumed his ex-wife was another blue-eyed blonde, but...maybe not. Rachel could have taken after him.

“Better late than never,” he murmured, and stepped closer. He tipped her chin up with one big hand, bent, and brushed his lips over hers.

The soft contact was tantalizing enough to have her rising on tiptoe to try to sustain it.

“I’ve been thinking about this all evening,” he said huskily, and nipped her bottom lip before stroking it with his tongue.

Eve wrapped her arms around his neck and let her lips part, astonished by her instant, powerful response. His tongue slid over hers, teasing more than commanding. The lighter he kept the kiss, the more she wanted deeper, hotter.

He groaned suddenly and banded his arms around her to lift her. It was as if he’d abruptly lost patience. Her breasts were flattened against his broad chest and she felt his erection. The thrust of his tongue became rhythmic before he broke away to kiss her jaw, then her throat. Eve let her head fall back, savoring the warm tension of his mouth, the way he rocked his hips as if he couldn’t help himself.

But when he reached her collarbone, he went still before releasing a ragged exhalation and letting her slide down his body. She hadn’t realized he’d lifted her off her feet until they made contact again with the floor. It was lucky his arms stayed around her for a minute; her legs felt shaky, weak. Warmth pooled down low, shocking her with her readiness. She was rarely to never this enthusiastic.

Ben nuzzled her cheek. “I got carried away.”

“I think I did, too,” she said tremulously.

“Good.” He lifted his head to look down at her, his eyes narrowed, the blue deepened. His hair, a dull gold in the subdued light of the hall, was ruffled. By her fingers. “I want to see you again.”

Her teeth closed on her lip to steady it. That made a light flare in his eyes. “Yes,” she whispered.

“I’ll call you.” His voice was pure gravel.

“Okay.” Meek woman, and she didn’t even care.

He gave something like a laugh, said, “I don’t think I dare kiss you again,” and released her slowly enough to suggest the same reluctance she felt. He backed into the hall and ordered, “Lock behind me.”

“Yes, Detective.”

He grinned at her teasing, let his gaze run over her one more time and made another inarticulate sound that had her almost unbearably tempted to do the unthinkable—invite him in. After a first date.

But he kept backing up, and she found the strength to say good-night and close her door, turn the dead bolt and put on the chain.

After which she slumped against the door, let out a soft moan and began to smile.

* * *

BEN FROWNED AT his rearview mirror. A logging truck was careening along the highway behind him, closing the distance fast. The narrow, two-lane road wouldn’t allow an opportunity to pass for several more miles. The driver had better not crowd his bumper.

“So.” His passenger cleared his throat. “Looked like you and Eve hit it off.”

Ben flicked a glance at Seth. They were returning from an unproductive interview in the far corner of the county. Ben would have liked to lean on the guy a little harder, but knew they didn’t have enough justification yet.

“Bailey put you up to getting the scoop?” he asked.

“No, she’d have no reason not to go straight to the source herself.”

Eve, he meant.

“Do they talk?”

“They seem to be getting better at it.”

The warmth Ben had seen between the two women had seemed genuine, enough so he’d been a little surprised last night when Eve admitted to also feeling jealousy.

“Eve came across as welcoming at the press conference last year.”

“For her parents’ benefit.”

The remark made Ben feel conflicted. To give himself a moment, he checked the rearview mirror again. The truck loomed, still not slowing down. A sonorous horn sounded. “Son of a bitch,” he muttered.