Janice Kay - The Baby He Wanted

If he did, that would only give her longer to tie herself up in knots. Ask. You have to ask.

She took a deep breath. “Are you married?”

He jerked, rocking the chair. “What? Why would you think—” Then he fell silent.

“I saw the invitation. You left it on the dresser. It was...it was your wedding day.”

“Oh, hell.” He sounded weary. “That’s why you took off, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not married, Lina. I wouldn’t have slept with you the night before my wedding, for Christ’s sake. How could you think—”

“I didn’t know you. I still don’t know you.” With an effort, she calmed herself. “But you were planning to get married.”

“We’d called it off a couple days before I met you.” He made an odd sound. “She called it off.”

“It’s not very flattering to me, either way,” Lina said. “All I knew was that I’d been stupid.” So much for calm. Every tumultuous emotion she’d felt today coalesced into a burst of rage. “You didn’t use a condom!”

“No.” Honesty and regret showed stark on his hard face. “I didn’t even think about it until later. I’m sorrier than I can say. I...worried.” He paused. “I tried to find you.”

Because he was afraid he’d gotten her pregnant, not because he wanted to see her again. Good to know.

“If you saw the invitation, you knew my name.”

She bent her head and focused on her hands, clenched into fists on her thighs. “Yes.”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” For the first time, anger crackled in his voice, too.

“Yes.” She made herself lift her head and meet those blue eyes. “I swear I was.”

“When?”

“Soon.” She’d been telling herself the same thing for months. Soon. More honestly, Lina said, “Before she’s born.”

He looked stunned. “She?”

“Yes. I had an ultrasound. I’m having a girl.”

“You mean, we’re having a girl.”

She didn’t blame him for the renewed anger, even though she had good reason to be mad, too. “It’s we if, well, you believe this is your baby. And you plan to take responsibility.”

“Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “I believe you. And of course I do. This is my fault.”

“This?” She shot to her feet. “If you see this baby as some horrible mistake you feel duty-bound to take responsibility for, forget it!”

Instead of fighting back, he let out a pained sound and rubbed both hands over his face. “Lina, will you sit down?”

She wanted to tell him this was her baby and he could take a hike. But she suspected her volatile emotions had more to do with hormones and the horror of the day than with anything he’d said. Slowly, she lowered herself again to the sofa.

He sounded inexpressibly weary when he said, “You’ve had time to come to terms with it. I haven’t.”

“You’re right,” she said stiffly. “I’m sorry.”

“Did you consider an abortion?”

She closed her eyes and made herself be honest. “Briefly. I was...pretty freaked out. But, you know, I’m thirty-two. I want to have children. I can be a good mother on my own.”

“You won’t be on your own.”

She couldn’t deny that financial support would be welcome. A teacher’s salary wasn’t fabulous. Even if she could work up until the birth, she would miss the last three months of the school year, which would eat up a fair amount of her savings.

“Do you have other children?” she blurted. Why hadn’t she wondered before?

“No. God, no. I’ve never been married.” A muscle twitched in his jaw. “You?”

“I’m divorced.”

At her answer, emotion crossed his face. She couldn’t quite decipher it.

At last he nodded. “There’s more we’ll have to talk about, but right now I just want to say one thing. From here on out, this baby ties us together. It would help if you could trust me.”

He hadn’t gotten mad. He almost sounded...gentle. Lina took some deep breaths and remembered the hope she’d felt that morning six months ago, before she saw the wedding invitation. What had he done that was really so awful? Face it, she’d readily agreed to spend the night with him. He had gone so far as to give her an out when he asked if she’d be sorry in the morning, and she knew in her heart he wouldn’t have taken her to bed if she’d said yes, or even maybe.

Not using a condom had been unbelievably stupid, of course, but he’d probably been hungover.

She was making excuses for him.

Well, who was she to talk? The responsibility had been shared. Drowsy or not, she should have thought about a condom, too.

And...he was right. He would forever be her child’s father.

“I...I think I can,” she said shakily. “Trust you, I mean.”

“Thank you.” Instead of leaving, he asked, “Do you feel all right? You’re not having any problems?”

“So far, no big problems. I was sick to my stomach for a couple months, but mostly right now I just need more sleep than usual.”

He gazed at her, unblinking. “What do you mean, so far? And do you have problems that aren’t big?”

“Nothing ominous.” Although she worried constantly. “My blood pressure is a little higher than the doctor would like. She’s leaning on me to get plenty of exercise, which I’m doing. Otherwise...things can go wrong later in the pregnancy, but that’s rare. I’ve always been healthy. My mother had no difficulties in childbirth.” When he failed to look convinced, she added, “It is all natural, you know.”

“Do you feel the baby moving?”

She smiled and looked down to see that she had laid an open hand on her swollen belly. “Yes. It’s amazing. The first time—” she lifted her head “—it was a flutter, like a butterfly inside me. But she’s already getting stronger. She’ll be kicking me before I know it.”

He appeared unwillingly fascinated. “I’ve never really been around many pregnant women. Today I wondered how you’ll manage to drive when you get further along.”

She made a face. “I don’t know. I want to work as long as I can, though, which means driving.”

“At least you’ll have the summer.”

“Combined with maternity leave, it’ll give me nearly six months off, thank God. I have a bad feeling that leaving her in day care will be hard.”

Lina would swear he was making calculations, but he didn’t share them with her. Instead he shook his head after a minute. “Man.”

“I’ll bet you wish you hadn’t gotten out of bed this morning.”

“But you were going to surprise me with the news one of these days anyway, weren’t you?”

Lina didn’t like the sardonic note in his voice. He didn’t believe she would have told him. She’d have liked to be offended, but couldn’t really blame him. After all, she’d procrastinated for months.

“I would have.”

He rose abruptly and said, “I’ll let you know when we get the sketch artist scheduled. The holiday may complicate that. I assume you’re off work.”

“We go back the fourth.”

“Can you make yourself available tomorrow for the FBI agents to interview you?”

“Yes.”

His gaze settled on her Christmas tree before returning to her. “Are you expecting family?”

She wasn’t expecting anyone. Did she have to tell him the truth? He’d think she was pathetic.

“My family lives near Minneapolis. Flying didn’t sound like fun right now—” she touched her stomach “—so I decided not to join them.”

He frowned a little. “Won’t you be celebrating with friends?”

“Maya—” Her voice hitched. “Maya was my best friend.”

“I’m sorry I reminded you.”

“Did you think I’d forget?” she asked incredulously.