Debbie Macomber - Debbie Macomber Navy Series Box Set

Lindy bounced her index finger against her chest. “I want to be the most important person in your life.”

“You are!”

“No,” she murmured sadly. “I’m not. Look at you. You nearly died on that stupid aircraft carrier and you can hardly wait to get back. I can feel the restlessness in you. It’s like you’ve got to prove something.”

Rush whirled around to face her then, his eyes wide, his body taut. “You knew what I was when we got married. You were perfectly aware how I felt about the navy then. You were willing to accept it as my career. What happened to that unshakable confidence you had that we were doing the right thing to rush into marriage? Lord, I can’t believe this.”

“I was confident I loved you. I’m sure of it now.”

“The navy is part of me, Lindy. A big part of who and what I am. Don’t you see that?”

“No.” Her voice cracked, and she sobbed once.

The sight of her tears seemed to tear at him and Rush knelt beside her and pulled her into one arm, holding her tightly, as though he felt her pain and was desperate to do anything he could to alleviate it. Lindy wept against his shoulder, her arms moving up and clinging to his neck. His mouth sought and found hers and he kissed her into submission while his hand worked its magic on her body, destroying her will to argue.

Before Lindy knew what was happening, Rush had her back in bed and his mouth was sucking on her breast; he was tormenting her nipples with his tongue, and she was being devoured by the licking flames of desire.

“No…no,” she sobbed, and pushed him away. She jumped out of bed, her shoulders heaving with the effort it had cost her to leave his arms. “You aren’t going to use me this way!”

Rush rolled on his back and closed his eyes in angry frustration. “Use you! Now it’s a sin to make love to you, too?”

“It is when you use lovemaking to bury an issue.”

“Can you blame me?” he shouted, his patience obviously on a short fuse. “I’m flying out of here shortly. I won’t see you until the middle of December—if then, from the way you’re talking. I’d prefer that we spend our last hours making love, not fighting. If that’s such a terrible crime, then I’m guilty.”

The alarm rang, and the tinny sound echoed around the room, startling them both. Lindy glared accusingly at the clock radio. Already it was time for Rush to leave her, and she hadn’t said even half of what was in her heart.

Without a word her husband climbed out of bed and started dressing in his uniform. He had some difficulty, with his left arm in a cast, but he didn’t seek her help, and she didn’t offer.

Numb with pain and disbelief, Lindy watched him. Nothing she’d said had mattered to him. Not one word had seemed to reach him. He was so intent on getting back to the Mitchell that nothing, not her love, not her demands or her pleas, was important enough to delay him.

Once he finished buttoning his shirt, Rush picked up his things that littered the room, preparing to leave.

Lindy hated the way he ignored her so completely. For all the notice he gave her, she might as well have been an empty beer can. Savored for the moment of pleasure it brought, discarded once used.

She was kneeling in the middle of their bed, and the tears streaked her face. “It’s either the navy or me,” she said, and her voice wobbled as she struggled not to beg him.

Rush paused at the door, his hand on the knob, but he didn’t turn around to look at her. “I love you, Lindy, but I can’t change what I am because of your fears. I could leave the navy, but it wouldn’t be the right decision for either of us. If you’re going to force me to decide, then I have to go with what I am.”

Lindy felt as though he’d struck her. She closed her eyes and covered her face with both hands. The door of the hotel room opened, and desperate now, she scooted off the bed. “Rush.”

He paused.

“When the Mitchell returns, I won’t be on that dock waiting for you!” She shouted the words at him, in a voice that was threatening as a shark’s jaw. “I mean it. I won’t be there.”

His shoulders were stiff, his head held high and proud. “Then I won’t expect you,” he said, and walked away from her without looking back.

* * *

Steve was waiting for Lindy when she stepped out of the jetway that led into the interior of Sea-Tac Airport. He brushed a quick kiss over her cheek and took the carry-on bag from her hand. When he lifted his head and looked at her, he paused and frowned.

“How was the flight?”

Lindy shrugged, praying she didn’t look as bad as she felt. “Fine.”

“How’s Rush?”

“He couldn’t be better,” she answered, unable to keep her voice from dipping with heavy sarcasm. “He’s all navy—you know him. God, country, apple pie—the whole patriotic bit. He nearly lost his arm. He nearly bled to death, but he couldn’t enjoy a few days in paradise because it was more important for him to get back to the Mitchell . He’s got a job to do, you know. He alone is going to uphold world peace. You didn’t tell me what a hero I married, Steve.”

Looking stunned, her brother stopped and glared at her, his eyes wide and filled with surprise. “Exactly what is your problem?”

“Nothing,” she flared. “Everything,” she amended.

“What happened?”

She didn’t want Steve to be gentle and concerned. Not when she was being forced to admit her blunder. “You were right from the first. I made a mistake…. A bad one. I’m not the kind of woman who will ever make a good navy wife…. You knew that from the beginning.”

Steve’s frown deepened. “I’ve come to think differently in the past few weeks. Lindy, when we got the news there’d been an accident aboard the Mitchell , you were as solid as a rock. It was me who fell apart at the seams. Don’t you remember how I kept telling you you should prepare yourself for the worst? Everything I said and did was wrong. You were like an anchor during that whole time. I was the one leaning on you for strength.”

Lindy’s smile was weak and gentle as she placed her hand on her brother’s forearm. “You were wonderful. I thank God you were there.”

“But you love Rush. Dear God, Lindy, you were so strong and brave when we learned he was missing, and yet I was afraid it would have killed you if the damage control party hadn’t found Rush in time.”

“Yes, I love him. But I’m not willing to take second place in his life. With Rush—” she paused and looked up at him, her gaze narrowing “—and with you , the navy will always come first.”

“Did you tell Rush this?”

She nodded, and her eyes filled with an unspeakable sadness. “He knows exactly how I feel.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“I…I don’t know.”

Steve placed his free arm around her shoulder and squeezed gently. “Don’t decide anything yet. You’re hurting and miserable. You’ve got several weeks to think matters through and then, once Rush is safely back in Seattle, you two can sort things out.”

“I told Rush I wouldn’t be there to meet him when the Mitchell sails home. I meant it, Steve. He put the navy first. He was the one who chose his career over me.”

Steve’s mouth and eyes thinned with frustration. “You sent Rush back to the Mitchell with that piece of good news? Come on, Lindy. It’s time to grow up here. So you were worried about him. That’s only natural. But don’t try to suffocate him now because eventually it’ll kill your marriage. Rush isn’t the kind of man who’s going to let someone else dictate his life. You knew that when you agreed to be his wife.”