Sophie Weston - The Bedroom Assignment

‘Well, not normally. You did seem to rub him up the wrong way.’

Zoe bristled. ‘It’s mutual.’

‘I could see that. Never seen a man wind you up so fast in my life. And plenty have tried. You’re always Miss I Can Cope.’

If only you knew.

But she didn’t say that. Why didn’t she say that? She wanted to get rid of this false image that her best friend had of her, didn’t she? So why the heck did she flick back her hair, strike an attitude and go into the performance Suze expected?

‘I still am. I got that man to apologise.’ She even sounded complacent.

Megabyte Man would say I need a hard drive diagnostic.

‘Yes. I suppose it’s all right.’ Suze sounded doubtful. ‘It will be fine,’ Performance Zoe said breezily. ‘I’ve worked for some stinkers in my time. Now I’ve broken his resistance Mr Successful will be a piece of cake.’

Suze just looked at her.

Zoe’s chin came up another ten degrees. ‘So?’ she challenged. ‘You don’t really think I can’t handle him? Do you? Me?’

Suze put her head on one side. ‘How long have we been friends?’

‘Nineteen years,’ said Zoe, literally.

‘Then believe me. You really, really can’t handle Jay Christopher.’

Performance Zoe snorted. She had a wide repertoire of dismissive noises.

‘I know you. I know Jay Christopher.’ Suze shook her head wisely. ‘Take my advice. You don’t want to go there.’

‘And why not?’

‘Don’t forget—I know all your ex-boyfriends, Zo.’

Even Performance Zoe was silenced.

Suze shook off her unaccustomed seriousness. ‘Come on. The night is young. We’ve got some serious partying to get in before dawn.’

She was not wrong. And Zoe was the life and soul of it. She danced with Megabyte Man, and Lauren’s boring accountant, and Alastair, whom she had made miserable five months ago, and who now had a brilliant French girlfriend. She danced on her own. She draped her arms over the shoulders of her sister Artemis and Suze and did an untidy high-kicking routine.

As the sky began to lighten only the long-distance party animals were still there.

‘Come on,’ said Zoe, finding a fast song about a rodeo cowboy. ‘Line-dance.’

They lined up and went into the rapid routine that they had worked out last Christmas. Amid raucous insults and much giggling, they managed to keep up for a bit. But in the end too many of them went right while the others went left. Finally Harry did a sideways jump into Suze and the whole line staggered. The music raced away from them. They ended up in heap on the floor, laughing.

‘Great party,’ said the stragglers, tumbling out into the grey morning.

By morning, though, there were only six people left in the shabby kitchen. Hermann, who was Suze’s current favourite, sat on the corner of the scrubbed pine table, plucking at a guitar and singing softly. He was waiting for Suze to take him home to bed and everyone knew it.

Zoe’s younger sister, Artemis, clutched her boyfriend sleepily round the waist as he systematically loaded empty bottles into a cardboard box. From time to time Ed put an absent hand behind his back and patted her hip encouragingly.

Suze and Zoe had bagged up all the food remains in three black sacks and were now loading the dishwasher with the last of the glasses.

This was after Suze had taken Harry on one side and briefed him tersely about his sister’s imminent employment prospects.

‘She really needs this job,’ she ended fiercely.

Harry might be only seventeen but he was a realist. He nodded slowly.

‘Yup. And not just for the money. She needs to do something for herself. And something to stop Mum thinking she only has to call and Zoe will be there. Okay, Suze. Leave it to me.’

Thereafter Harry wandered among the debris, theoretically helping. In practice he was eating any food that he decided there was no room in the fridge for.

‘You’ll be sick,’ said Zoe, matter-of-factly.

Harry grinned. ‘I’m seventeen. My digestion is at peak performance.’

‘It was our best party ever,’ said Suze with satisfaction. ‘Did you get to see Jay, Hermann? Hermann was at college with Jay,’ she explained to Zoe. ‘That’s how I got a nibble at the Culp and Christopher account in the first place.’

‘I saw him.’ Suze’s boyfriend executed a rippling final chord and put the guitar away. ‘Nice of him to come.’

‘Why shouldn’t he?’ demanded Suze, bridling.

Hermann was peaceful. ‘He’s running with the great and the good these days. Not a lot of time for simple socialising.’

Zoe sniffed. She was not surprised, somehow. The Mogul Prince had that look of a man who could hardly bring himself to bother with other people.

‘Don’t scare Zoe,’ Suze warned. ‘She’s going to work for him on Monday.’

‘I’m not scared. I was not intending to make friends with the man,’ Zoe said crisply.

Artemis’s Ed laughed. ‘You can’t scare Zoe. One flash of those big brown eyes and men just roll over with their paws in the air—don’t they Zo?’

Artemis rubbed her cheek against Ed’s bent back. ‘Are you going to be long, lover? I’m wiped.’

Zoe was irritated. ‘Like Suze was telling me earlier, there’s more to human relationships than sex, Edward.’

There was burst of ribald laughter from the other five.

‘That’s a good one, coming from you, sis,’ said Artemis fondly. ‘The last of the femmes fatales.’

For once Performance Zoe did not flip into action automatically. Maybe because she was tired.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she snapped.

She seized a damp cloth and worked vigorously at the stains on the table where Ed’s wine bottles had stood.

Artemis unwound herself from Ed’s hips. ‘Oh, come on, Zo. You know it’s true. Your men hardly ever get beyond the fourth date. And I know that they call you and call you because I take the messages. So if it’s not them getting bored, what is it? Picky, picky Princess Zoe, that’s what.’

Zoe bit her lip. If they knew the truth they wouldn’t laugh like this. On the other hand she had worked quite hard so that they wouldn’t know the truth.

And Ed’s next remark proved how right she had been to do so.

‘Hey, don’t worry, babe,’ he said, straightening with the box of bottles in his arms. ‘I think it’s cool.’ He flourished the box at Zoe in a sort of elephantine salute. ‘My friend the heartbreaker. Ta-da.’

‘Could solve your career problems,’ suggested Suze. ‘See if MI5 has an opening for Olga the Beautiful Spy.’

Zoe threw the cloth at her.

And everyone laughed. Just as they always did.

Zoe poured detergent, slammed the dishwasher shut, selected a program and switched it on. Everyone stood up with relief.

‘Thanks for the help with the clearing up, guys. I love you tonight, but I’ll really worship you tomorrow,’ Zoe said. ‘Hermann—take her home. She’s out on her feet.’

‘Little mother of all the world,’ teased Suze.

But Suze was drooping, and everyone knew it. Hermann packed his guitar away in its case and put his arm round her.

‘Lean on me, babe.’

Zoe looked away. Nobody noticed.

‘All of three doors down the street,’ scoffed Suze.

But she leaned into him gratefully and they wrapped their arms round each other. They were muzzy with sleep and low-grade lust. But they looked back to wave as they wandered off into the clear morning.

‘Goodbye,’ said Artemis and Ed, plodding off in the direction of his flat over the paper shop, leaning into each other and swinging their clasped hands. Artemis slept at Ed’s at the weekends. Well, more like all the time now.

Harry wandered off to his room with a video and a paper plate of garlic bread.