Darlene Gardner - The Hero's Sin

“Not necessarily a bad thing.”

She shook her head. “For me, it was. I was so busy doing what was expected of me I didn’t think about what would make me happy. That’s having a social life and feeling like I’m part of a community.”

Once upon a time, Michael would have said he wanted to belong somewhere. But then Murray had booted him out of his great-aunt’s house and he’d learned how dangerous it was to want.

“Sounds like you’re in the right place.” He kept his voice determinedly noncommittal.

“I think so, but nobody else in my family does. They keep saying I’ll come back to my senses.” She cast him a sidelong glance. “Enough about me. How about you? You keep saying you’re leaving tomorrow, but where will you go?”

“To decompress,” he said.

A muscle in her jaw twitched, hinting she wasn’t satisfied with his short answer. It couldn’t be helped. She wouldn’t understand that the destination didn’t matter as long as it was away from here.

“There it is!” she suddenly exclaimed, clapping her hands like an excited child. “My law office.”

She indicated one of the stone row houses that lined the block. It was sandwiched between an insurance office and a dentist, across the street from a small city park that was in shadows.

“I thought I was walking you home.”

“I live on the two upper floors. It’s the coolest thing. The place is built on a hillside so the office is at street level, but the back of my second floor opens onto a private deck that has a catwalk leading to the woods.”

He glanced upward and saw a light shining in a second-floor window.

“Isn’t it perfect? Here, I’ll show you.” She took a key from her little pink evening purse, opened the heavy wood door and flipped on a light.

The setup was typical for a small office. A reception area in front with a pair of offices and a small supply room in the rear. Wood floors and crown molding ran throughout the first floor.

“I need to get it painted and buy some lamps and carpets and artwork. Oh, and get the phone company over here because the phones aren’t working. And hire an office manager. I’ve almost got it covered. I’m going shopping in Allentown tomorrow and I have a couple of job candidates coming in for interviews on Monday.”

Her words tripped over each other, and he tried to remember the last time he’d been that excited. He couldn’t. She grabbed his hand, leading him to an unusual oak receptionist’s desk shaped like a comma.

“Isn’t this great?” she asked. “The office furniture came with the place, but I was sure the previous owner would exclude this piece. It’s an antique, probably custom-made, too.”

“Beautiful,” he said, but he was referring to Sara instead of the desk. A light seemed to have switched on inside her as she showed him her office, transforming her from attractive to dazzling.

She turned to him, a sunny smile curving her lips. He tried to mask his attraction, but she must have seen it because the smile changed, its innocence fading. She looked down at their still-linked hands, then up at him. Her hand was silky and warm, the way he imagined the rest of her would feel. The air around them suddenly seemed charged.

“I don’t normally do this.” She rolled her eyes. “Okay, I never do this, but would you like to come upstairs?”

His body hardened, his mind leaping ahead to the two of them naked, entwined in her bed. He dropped her hand and stuffed both of his in his pockets. “This isn’t smart, Sara. We just met. You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know you risked your life to save a child you’d never seen before. I know you stopped a drunk from ruining your friend’s wedding.” She raised a hand when he would have protested. “And I know you’re in the Peace Corps.”

“Who told you that?”

“Mr. Pollock.”

Tension gripped Michael’s shoulders. “What else did he say?”

“He said you went through a rough patch as a kid, but you’d rebounded. He said you were a good man.”

“He didn’t give you any details about my past?”

“Not really.” She laid a hand against his cheek, her eyes asking him to trust her. “Why don’t you tell me?”

Here was his chance to do the right thing. If he admitted responsibility for Chrissy’s death, she’d never look at him with respect and admiration again. She thought he was a hero. A hero! It was almost laughable.

He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. All he managed to say was, “I’m not the man you think I am.”

“Then you don’t think highly enough of yourself,” she said and kissed him.

He had plenty of time to draw back, but he remained in place. Her breath was sweet, her lips soft, her hands at his nape electrifying. His pulse quickened, the passion he’d been keeping carefully in check soaring to the surface.

He should stop this. He’d spent only part of a night in her company, but making love with her wasn’t something he’d be able to take lightly.

She snaked her hands around his neck and pulled him closer, molding her body against his. She opened her mouth in a blatant invitation for him to deepen the kiss. He couldn’t refuse, his mouth mating with hers as he breathed in her scent.

His hands roamed over her hair, her back, her hips as he kissed her with as little control as the teenage boy he used to be. This was madness. Absolute madness. He hadn’t felt so out of control in years, not since he used to wait for Chrissy to sneak out of her house and come to him.

And look how that had turned out.

If Sara knew what had happened to Chrissy, she wouldn’t let him kiss her. She’d never again allow him to get close enough to touch her.

With a supreme act of will he broke off the kiss and pulled away from her, listening to the mingled sounds of their harsh breathing. She rested her head against his rapidly beating heart for a moment before stepping out of his arms. He felt immediately bereft.

She took a step toward a stairway that led to her home. To her bed. Her smile was shy. “Are you coming?”

He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the tempting picture she made. But he could still see her, as though her image was imprinted on the insides of his eyelids. He’d probably always be able to conjure up the way she looked right now.

He swallowed, tasting regret, and opened his eyes. “I already told you, Sara. I want to, but I can’t.”

Her smile faltered but didn’t disappear altogether. “Sure, you can. I already know you’re leaving in the morning. You won’t be taking advantage of me.”

“This isn’t you, Sara. Didn’t you just say you never have one-night stands?”

“Maybe it won’t be just one night. You have friends in town. Maybe you’ll come back to visit.”

He shook his head. “I won’t.”

“Then you won’t. I’m a big girl. I accept that. I know what I’m doing.”

Maybe so, but she didn’t know who she’d be doing it with.

Tell her about Chrissy, a voice inside his head urged.

In the end, all he could do was present an argument she couldn’t refute.

“I’ll probably kick myself for this, but I can’t make love to you one day and disappear from your life the next.”

She bit her lip, her disappointment as clear as his regret. “I suppose I should thank you for that, but I don’t think I can.”

“I understand.” He stepped forward, laid four fingers against the smooth curve of her cheek. “Goodbye, Sara.”

He was halfway out the front door before her voice stopped him. “Michael.”

He turned around. She looked almost ethereally beautiful standing in the empty office in front of the antique desk she’d enthused about.

“Mr. Pollock was right,” she said. “You are a good man.”