Fern Britton - Hidden Treasures

Helen threw her head back and roared with laughter. ‘I’ll drink to that! Fancy a margarita before the food arrives?’

One margarita naturally turned into several. Tequila loosened them both up and suddenly everything was funny. When Helen described Simon, Penny did an appalling impression of an ancient, randy old vicar. Helen wheezed with laughter, holding one hand to her ribs and the other to her mouth. Penny, in full swing now, leant back in her chair, tucked her fingers under her imaginary braces and in her vicar voice said, ‘I’d be very obliged if I might take a dip in your font, madam.’ And with that, she overbalanced her chair and fell straight over backwards.’

‘Hello, Mrs Merrifield. You certainly know how to enjoy yourself.’

Piran Ambrose, with a small, large-bosomed, kittenish woman in her thirties on his arm, stopped at the table. Helen jumped up in shock and knocked her glass over. Penny, with the help of a waiter, picked herself up and offered her hand in greeting.

‘Good evening. I’m Penny, a friend of Helen’s.’

Piran glanced at her and then back to Helen. ‘I remember the first time I had a drink too. Enjoy your evening.’

The kitten woman pulled him away with a parting, malicious smile aimed at Helen.

*

The next morning both women had rather woolly heads. Helen woke up first and turned over to look at Penny. ‘I thought we were too old for sleepovers. Thank God you didn’t let me drive home.’

Penny opened her still mascara’d eyes. ‘Mmm, I took your keys while you and the waiter were dancing on the table. So embarrassing.’

‘Oh God. I didn’t, did I?’

‘No, but you asked him to, which was bad enough.’

Helen shoved her friend in the ribs.

‘I did not! … He was lovely though, wasn’t he?’

‘Too young for either of us, but nice to look at.’

‘Not like that git Piran Ambrose. That’s at least three times he’s caught me doing something embarrassing.’

‘Yes, you’ve told me that several times, and however handsome he was, you wouldn’t look twice at him now, blah blah blah. You weren’t happy he was having dinner with someone else though, were you?’

‘Was he? I didn’t notice.’

‘Oh that’s right, you didn’t notice, So much so, that you couldn’t stop turning around and looking at him and asking me who she was. As if I would know!’

Helen opened one eye and looked at her friend, ‘No I didn’t. I was surprised to see him, that’s all.’

‘Hmmm. We’ll talk about Piran when you’re sober.’ Penny hitched herself up on one elbow. ‘Full English with room service?’

Helen managed a nod and then closed her eyes for a little more sleep.

*

By lunchtime they felt almost human and took a bracing walk around the town. Penny phoned her PA and told her not to expect her back for the week as she had a lot more research to do than she’d thought.

‘Liar, liar, pants on fire!’ teased Helen.

‘Well, I’m the boss and I don’t often spoil myself. And you are my best friend who I haven’t seen for ages – so, why not! Ready for a hair of the dog, yet?’

‘Penny, you’re incorrigible!’

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