Kate Hewitt - Highly Unsuitable

And now she felt as if she were giving Jason more ammunition to tease her, or at least give her one of those coolly mocking looks. She waited for one eyebrow to arch as he gave her some dry rejoinder. If you’re going to offer yourself on a plate, Em …

Instead, he said something else entirely. ‘Emily, I told you then how I wanted to kiss you.’

She stared at him, shocked, totally unprepared for this admission. ‘No, you didn’t—’

‘Yes, I did,’ Jason replied, his words sharp, as if he were angry about the truth of it. As if he hadn’t wanted to want to kiss her. Perhaps he hadn’t. ‘In fact, I remember exactly what I said. You asked if I’d like to kiss you, and I told you I would, rather.’

‘But I won’t,’ Emily finished woodenly.

Jason stared at her for another endless moment before the corner of his mouth quirked upwards. ‘And clearly you only paid attention to the second clause of that sentence.’

‘And clearly you aced grammar,’ Emily threw back at him. She didn’t want to talk about this any more; she didn’t want to remember. ‘Look, it really doesn’t matter. It was seven years ago.’ She let out a long breath that shuddered only slightly. ‘It was just a moment. A silly moment.’ Why had she ever asked him to kiss her? And why hadn’t she been able to forget when he finally had?

‘It wasn’t,’ Jason said quietly, ‘a silly moment for me.’

Emily froze. Forgot to breathe. She could not make sense of his words; they fell into the taut stillness between them and lay there, demanding she do something with them. Ask. ‘What are you talking about?’ she finally whispered.

‘I wanted to kiss you, Emily,’ Jason said. His voice was quiet and yet so very matter-of-fact. ‘I wanted to kiss you very badly, but I didn’t because you were seventeen years old and I doubted you’d ever been kissed before.’

Colour washed her cheekbones. ‘I hadn’t,’ she admitted, her voice still no more than a thread of sound.

‘I was twenty-nine. Older than you are now. And the realisation that I could want to kiss you, want you so much terrified and shamed me. You were too young.’

Emily stared at him as she tested the truth of his words. She remembered how he’d glared at her; he’d looked so angry. ‘But you … you pushed me away like you couldn’t stand the thought of me—or kissing me!’ she finally burst out, amazed that it could hurt even now. For years she’d convinced herself that silly little moment between them had been nothing more than that. Silly. Little. Yet now she knew she couldn’t pretend, not when Jason was being so honest. That silly little moment hadn’t been silly—or little—at all. Not for her, and perhaps not even for Jason.

‘I pushed you away,’ Jason said, his patience clearly starting to fray, ‘because I didn’t want to humiliate myself—or you! There couldn’t be anything between us then, not when you were no more than a teenager.’

Then. He made it sound as if it might be different now. As if something—what?—could happen between them now. The thought was so overwhelming, so alarming and exciting and yet somehow preposterous, that Emily could think of nothing to say. She didn’t even know how she felt, how to untangle this confusing rush of emotions—shock, fear, anxiety, excitement, hope—that raced dizzily through her and left her robbed of speech or even breath, so she could only stare at him, helpless, hopeful, waiting.

Jason watched several different emotions chase themselves across Emily’s features. He’d shocked her, he knew. He’d been honest—more honest than he’d intended—and now she didn’t know what to say. Think. Feel.

And neither did he. His mind and body had been in a ferment for too long. He couldn’t keep himself from Emily, despite every intention to do just that. Time and time again he’d sought her out, been drawn to her in a way he could not resist. The realisation was aggravating. Humbling too. He’d always prided himself on his sense of self-control, his iron resolve—both had crumbled to nothing when he’d finally given into desire and kissed Emily, felt her sweet, yielding response, her lips parting under his, her body curving against

him. He wanted Emily. He’d gone to Africa to escape her, escape the attraction he’d felt, and instead he’d endured days of remembering just how she’d felt and tasted, nights where he’d relived that one kiss in his mind. And imagined a few other things besides.

Even work hadn’t been enough of a distraction, and after a week of it he’d realised what he wanted. What he needed.

To get Emily out of his system. And the only way to do that, to move forward, was to have her. In his arms, in his bed.

Why not?

She’d told him she wasn’t interested in love. Not for herself at any rate. She wanted to have fun. She’d had several relationships already and was wise to the ways of the world. So why shouldn’t they indulge in what would be a very basic and pleasurable affair? She wasn’t seventeen any more. She wasn’t innocent any more.

He’d been afraid of hurting her back then, of course he had. But Emily had already shown him how unimpressed she was with him already—she thought he was boring, out of bed at least; Jason saw the positive side of that assessment now. It meant she wasn’t in love with him. She didn’t want to marry him.

But she wanted him. He knew that. And as long as he didn’t hurt or disappoint her—which he wouldn’t, since her heart wasn’t involved—why shouldn’t they enjoy themselves? It had suddenly seemed wonderfully simple. And easy.

Although from the way Emily was looking at him now, with so much dazed uncertainty, Jason knew it didn’t seem so simple to her. She hadn’t believed he desired her. The thought was laughable; it seemed so glaringly—and painfully—obvious to him. Clearly, Emily had her doubts.

He looked forward to removing them. And a few other things, as well.

‘What …’ she began, her voice scratchy. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. Jason’s gut clenched. ‘What are you saying?’

Jason let his gaze rest on her, his eyes heavy-lidded, his expression thoughtful. Suggestive. He saw Emily’s eyes widen, her pupils dilate. ‘Things have changed,’ he said finally, his voice no more than a steady, low thrum. He took a step closer to her, lifted his hand to touch her chin, his thumb grazing her jawbone. He felt her response shudder through her. ‘Haven’t they?’ Her lips parted, but no words came out. Jason smiled and lowered his head, his lips a breath away from hers. He could feel her tremble, sway towards him. ‘Not too much, though.’ He waited, his mouth hovering over hers, needing her response. Her acceptance. She needed to understand what he was saying. and what he wasn’t.

‘Jason …’

‘Emily?’

Emily jerked away from him as Stephanie’s sister-in-law Lucy, terrifyingly organised and brisk, popped her head in the little lounge. ‘There you are! Stephanie is about to throw her bouquet. You won’t want to miss it.’

Jason watched as Emily’s face flooded with colour. She turned away from him, her head clearly averted from his gaze. ‘Thank you, Lucy. I’ll be right there.’

Lucy disappeared and still Emily hesitated for a moment, her back to Jason, clearly waiting.

‘We’ll have to finish this … conversation … another time,’ he said. He took a breath and let it out slowly, needing to state the obvious. Wanting her to understand. ‘I want you, Emily. But I don’t want you to be hurt.’ He waited, willing her to agree, to say something at least, to indicate she understood. This is just a fling. Fun. What we both want.