As soon as we touched, it felt like an electrical current ran through me. I remembered the touch of the boy on the stairs the night before and wondered if this was him. I glanced sideways, not wanting to make it obvious that I was looking at him.
Dr. Morgan went on. “Now shut your eyes. And put yourself in the place that makes you the happiest.” She was silent a few seconds, and shushed the people who laughed. “Wonderful. Now take a deep breath, and think to yourself, I will get through this. I will get through this. I will get through this . Deep breath in … and now out.”
I was afraid my hand was clammy. Was I holding too hard? Did I seem eager?
“Good,” said Dr. Morgan.
At her word, the boy let go of my hand as though it had burned him.
“Remember that everyone around you understands , and that you are abso lutely more than welcome to come visit with me. Over the next two weeks, I will be meeting with each one of you. We will discuss your plans for college, and anything else you might need to get off your chest. Thank you all for listening so carefully. Welcome back to Manderley, and if you’re just starting, then welcome to your new home.”
She smiled kindly, and went back to her seat as I and everyone else filled the room with the spattering of polite applause.
I was locked in my own head. There had been one spot at Manderley, and I’d gotten it. I was Rebecca’s old roommate’s new roommate, and the whole school was hoping she would come back at any second.
The boy next to me gave me a nod and then stood to leave.
Everything came together with a horrible lurch in my stomach. He was the one I’d run into on the stairs last night. Not only that, but the reason he was familiar was because he was the one pictured with Becca.
That startlingly handsome boy had been her boyfriend.
ELEVEN O’CLOCK CAME. BECCA HAD ON A SHORT black pencil skirt and a low white tank top.
“I’m so glad you decided to come,” Becca said to Dana, as she sprayed her Givenchy perfume where it mattered: neck, wrists and boobs.
“Me, too.”
“Here, before everyone else drinks it all.” Becca took a swig of tequila and handed the bottle to Dana.
“Oh, no—”
“Oh, come on, please!”
Dana took a deep breath and then took a sip. Becca tipped the bottle a little higher and Dana gave a shriek as it filled her mouth and spilled onto her cheeks.
Becca laughed and handed her roommate some tissues.
They emerged from their room to find that every girl on the hall had put on their best outfit and stood waiting to be led. Madison and Julia were standing with big purses filled with cups and balls slung over their shoulders. Becca had her own bag, filled with all the liquor she had brought with her to Manderley.
“You really think we won’t get caught?” one of the girls asked.
“Oh, God no, we’re not getting caught.” She waved away the very idea. “Come on, stop worrying. You only live once, so live like it’s your last night. Okay? Let’s go.” She smiled at all of them. “Lead the way,” she said to Julia.
They walked down some side stairs and through an emergency exit that apparently didn’t set off any alarms anywhere.
“Where are we going?” Becca heard someone ask from behind her.
“The boathouse,” Julia answered, wielding a blue LED flashlight. “No one’s ever down there at night, and it’s out of view of all the teachers’ rooms. It’s the perfect place. I can’t believe we never did this before.”
They got down to the bottom of the stairs and to a small beach. There was some sand, but mostly a lot of rocks. In all, it looked like what you’d find at the bottom of a cartoon cliff.
Walking up to the boathouse, Julia pushed open a screen door, then a storm door. The light was already on and exposed a small house filled with dust and boating equipment. She wondered if she’d ever have to learn to use any of this stuff. Hopefully not.
“This place is disgusting,” Becca noted, not helping matters.
Some people were already there, sitting around on the floor. One of them, Ricky, she thought his name was, was leaning on the speakers she’d told him to bring. She’d seen them in his room and “pretty-pleased” him into bringing them.
“Here.” She handed him her iPod. “Put this on. It’s the first playlist on there.”
People trickled in for the next fifteen minutes. Becca got the guys to help her put together a makeshift beer pong table. She took the Ziploc bag full of Ping-Pong balls and set them next to the case of beer and bottles she’d managed to stuff into her suitcases. The stolen cups were piled, and her plastic shot glasses set out next to the water bottles she’d had Dana fill with soda for chasers.
Soon the room was filled with laughing, talking, singing and squealing. As everyone got drunker and the room grew warmer, Becca felt more and more like herself. This was who she liked to be. She loved a chaotic atmosphere she could lose herself in. When everyone was drunk, no one was watching her too closely or looking for mistakes. If she said something she shouldn’t, she could blame it on the drinks. Not like in real life, when the world was quiet and everyone could see and hear perfectly.
“Yeah, I’m rooming with some girl named Dana.” Becca was shouting over the music to Ricky.
“Where is she?”
“Right over there,” she pointed. “Don’t you know her?”
“No, I’ve seen her around, but …”
“Dana!” Becca shouted her name across the room. Dana looked up, and then crossed the room to her. Becca took her hand. “This is my roommate!”
“Damn,” said Ricky, looking between them, “you girls are so fucking hot.”
Two other guys walked up. One of them swallowed his drink quickly. “Are you two gonna make out?”
Dana looked shocked.
“What, are you scared? ” Becca asked with a laugh.
“What? No, I just—”
Becca looked to the group of guys suddenly surrounding them. “You dare me?”
All of them said yes, nodding.
“But—” Dana started, but was cut off by Becca, who had just planted a kiss on her.
Becca pulled away, laughing. The guys were all laughing and clapping at them.
“Oh, shit, she really did it!” One of the guys threw an arm around Becca. He let go of her and held a hand out to Dana. “I’m Barry.”
Becca slapped his hand. “This is her third year here, the fact that you don’t know her yet means you don’t get to introduce yourself.”
She looked at him playfully, and led Dana away.
“That guy was so annoying, wasn’t he?” she said to Dana. “Barry? He totally tried to hit on me earlier. I’d ignore him.”
It was a lie. But that didn’t matter. It wasn’t Dana’s time to get looked at. Becca was the new girl. Not her.
“Let’s have another drink,” said Becca. She took Dana’s hand and led her to the alcohol table.
When they got there, a tall boy was already pouring two shots.
“Make it four.” Becca sidled up to him and saw that he was not just tall, but attractive, too. Blond, light brown eyes—and a good smile. He looked like he’d play baseball and was always nice to his mom.
“You the new girl?” he asked, and then turned to Dana. “Hey, what’s up, Dana?”
“Yes,” Becca answered quickly, before Dana could say anything. “I am the new girl. I’m glad you know Dana, no one else seems to. What’s your name?”
“Johnny.” He smiled and looked down at the shots he was now pouring for them. “Of course I know Dana. She’s that girl that sat next to me in Algebra last year.” He mouthed hot at Becca, and then smiled at Dana.
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