Elizabeth Rolls - A Magical Christmas

Halfway down the course, Brenna held her breath because she knew this was the moment. She wanted to look away. She wanted to close her eyes because she knew what was coming, but she kept watching and for the first time saw the accident through the eyes of the camera. Saw the moment his body lifted into the air and tumbled, spinning, crashing until it seemed impossible anyone could survive it.

She didn’t think she’d made a sound but she must have done because Tyler turned his head.

For a few moments he said nothing, and then he stirred.

“I didn’t know you were there.” His voice was rough at the edges, and she felt as if she was trespassing. Not on his territory, but on something far more personal. His private thoughts and feelings. He hadn’t intended to share this part of him with another person. If he had, he wouldn’t have waited until the dead of night to watch it alone in the dark.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? And why the hell are you crying?”

Was she crying? She hadn’t even known. Embarrassed, Brenna lifted her hand and scrubbed at her cheek with her palm, feeling the wetness of tears against her hand.

“I haven’t watched it before.” Her voice sounded clogged. “I couldn’t. It was the worst moment of my life. I thought you were dead.”

“It didn’t feel too great from where I was, either.” His flippant tone sent her over the edge.

“Why do you always dismiss it? I know you’re hurting. You don’t have to pretend and keep it all locked inside. Maybe it would help to talk about it.”

“Nothing helps. I watch that damn footage over and over again trying to work out what happened that day. One moment I was on my way to winning, the next I was being lifted into a helicopter.”

“You’ve watched it before?”

“Hundreds of times. In slow motion. It doesn’t get any easier.”

She sank down onto the sofa next to him. “I—I didn’t know. I thought you never watched yourself.”

“I watch this run.” His tone was bleak, and she reached out and put her hand on his thigh. She felt solid muscle under her palm, felt that muscle flex and tense under her fingers. The atmosphere in the room shifted, and she started to move her hand away, but he covered it with his own, his fingers warm and strong as he held her hand there and took the comfort she offered.

This was new territory.

It was a topic neither of them had touched upon before, but their relationship no longer felt familiar. Everything had changed, and they both knew it. His confession. Her reaction.

The intimacy.

“Is it very hard for you?”

There was a brief pause, and his fingers tightened. “It’s agony.”

Although he never mentioned it, she knew from Sean that the cold made the pain worse. “Can I fetch you painkillers?”

“I wasn’t talking about my leg. I’ve learned to live with that. The other, not so much.” Still holding her hand, he stretched out his long legs and leaned back against the sofa with his eyes closed. “Pathetic, that’s me.”

She studied the strong lines of his face. “I don’t think I’ve met anyone less deserving of that accusation than you. I’m sorry you’re hurting.” She knew words were inadequate, but she said them anyway. “I’m sorry this time of year is so hard for you. I wish I could do something. I wish I could fix it.”

“It can’t be fixed.” And then he started to talk, telling her things he’d never told her, about how he struggled with calls from his teammates, how it felt to know they were still living that life, how they wanted him to fly over and join them in drinking sessions and how he couldn’t face being on the fringe of something when he used to be in the center. He talked about regret, disappointment, frustration and she sat in the dark without interrupting, holding his hand tightly as he bared his feelings.

Finally, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “I can’t believe I told you all that.”

“I’m glad you did.” Wondering if he realized he was still holding her hand, she eyed the whiskey bottle. “Does that help?”

“I’ll let you know in an hour or two. Join me? I can fetch another glass.”

“No need.” She reached out with her free hand, sloshed some whiskey into his glass and raised it. “You were the best, Tyler O’Neil. But you’re also a brilliant coach. You may not be able to compete yourself, but you can help others do it. Starting with Jess. Are you enjoying teaching her or is it hard seeing her do what you used to do?” She took a sip and coughed. “That might be worse than tequila.”

He took the glass from her. “I’m enjoying teaching her, and I get a real buzz from seeing her improve. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give anything for a chance to win one more crystal globe.”

“Why? All you’d do is push it to the back of the cupboard with the others.”

He finished her drink. “I don’t want to look at it.” He thumped the glass down on the table. “I just want to win it.”

It was a totally Tyler-like response. “Sometimes I don’t understand you.”

“You understand me perfectly. You’re probably the only person who does.” His voice was rough, and his grip on her hand was hard and sure. Then he turned his head, and his gaze collided with hers. “Don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry.”

The breath caught in her throat. “Whenever you hurt, I hurt. Whatever you feel, I feel. It’s horrible, but I can’t help it. I guess I’ve known you too long. It’s as if we’re connected.”

He stared at her for a long moment. “I’ve spilled my guts, so now it’s your turn. Tell me why you went on that date with Josh.”

She stared down at his fingers threaded through hers. If she were going to tell him the truth, now would be the perfect time. “I did it to get my mother off my back. She was worried I wasn’t dating. That I was fixated on someone else.”

“And are you?”

Her heart pumped a little harder. “Maybe.”

“So why not date that person instead of Josh?”

Her mouth dried. “He doesn’t feel the same way.”

There was a long pause. “Are you sure about that?”

He is never going to find you sexy .

Tugging her hand from his, she stood up. “It’s late. I should go to bed.” She took a step toward the door and then stopped.

She was doing it again.

Walking away whenever a conversation became difficult.

He’d been honest with her. He’d laid his feelings bare. Maybe it was time for her to do the same. Maybe this once, she should be honest.

She hesitated, knowing that once she put the words out there, she couldn’t take them back. “We’ve known each other a long time, Ty. We’ve talked about a lot of things over the years, but there’s something I’ve never told you—” she turned, because if she was going to say the words, then she was going to do it while she was looking at him “—I—I have feelings for you.”

His gaze was steady on hers. “What sorts of feelings?”

“Feelings I’ve tried to ignore. Feelings I probably shouldn’t be having. Feelings—” Oh, hell . “I love you. I’ve been in love with you my whole life. I guess—you probably already know that.”

Her confession hovered in the air between them.

For a long moment he said nothing, and then he stirred, and when he spoke his voice was husky. “I wasn’t sure. You never said anything.”

“You never talked about your accident. I guess tonight we talked about stuff neither of us normally talks about.” She backed away, embarrassed. “It’s fine. I know you don’t feel the same way. I’m like one of the guys to you.”

“One of the guys? Is that seriously what you think?” There was incredulity in his tone. “Hell, Bren, are you telling me you don’t know how hard I’ve found it since you moved in?”