Lindsay McKenna - Deadly Identity

“Where did you get your education as a nanny?”

She told him.

“Is that a dream you’ve had? To be a nanny?”

Rachel watched as they left the Christmas-decorated town behind and climbed a long hill devoid of all traffic. “I love children. Nothing makes me happier than being around them.”

Cade smiled. “Well, you’re Providence dropping into my lap. I’m grateful that you’ll be Jenny’s nanny. So much has happened so fast.”

Rachel was gazing down at Jenny and her loving smile made him ache. When she looked up and met his eyes, Cade felt at a momentary loss for words. Rachel seemed like the perfect nanny for Jenny, and this belief shook him deeply. Truth was, he found himself drawn to her as a woman. He tried to shove those feelings away.

“I’m in shock over all this, too,” Rachel admitted in a soft voice. “I’m exhausted and yet, I feel like I’m still on pins and needles.”

“It’s the accident,” Cade soothed, watching the twin headlights stab into the black night. At the top of the hill the highway would straighten and level out. The snow began to ease. “You’re still in shock. I’ve got tomorrow off and the next day. Come on over when you feel like it.”

“You seem to know a lot about Jenny.”

Cade sighed. “Tom and Lily Hartmann were my best friends. Tom died six months ago, murdered by drug dealers. He was a deputy sheriff. Before he and Lily were married, they asked me to be godfather to their future children. If anything happened to them, I’d be the guardian. They had asked me because they came from adoptive families. Their adoptive parents supported their request. I said I would. I didn’t realize it would really happen.”

“Oh, dear,” Rachel murmured. Without thinking, she reached out her hand and laid it on his broad, capable shoulder. When she realized her intimate action, she quickly withdrew her hand. “I’m so sorry. You must be in shock, too. It’s awful to lose people you love.” How well she knew. She’d lost her mother and brothers. It hurt not to be able to call them, to see them or to visit the farm where she’d grown up happy and secure.

“I’m okay,” Cade said gruffly. “But my focus is on Jenny. After Tom died, I was over at their home nearly every day. I helped Lily take care of Jenny as much as I could because I know Tom would have wanted it that way.” Cade shook his head, his hands tightening momentarily on the wheel. The wipers provided a calming effect on him as they whooshed slowly back and forth across the wet windshield. “I just never figured things would go the way they have. I couldn’t believe it when I drove up in the cruiser and recognized Lily’s SUV. I—this is just a crazy time in my life, I guess.”

Rachel sensed the deep emotions barely under tight control within him. “At least Jenny is unhurt. And she’s safe with you. She’ll have a real father in her life and that’s important.”

Running his fingers through his hair, Cade grimaced. “Instant parent. I just never thought of myself in those parameters, Rachel.” And he gave her an intense look. “I’m just glad you showed up. I’m sorry you had to see that wreck. I know it will haunt you for some time to come. Jenny’s obviously happy and feels safe with you.”

“That’s a good sign,” Rachel agreed, gently touching Jenny’s soft, unlined brow.

“It is,” Cade said with a genuine sigh. “My mother, Gwen, runs Quilter’s Haven, a small fabric and quilting store in town. My father, Ray, runs the hundred-acre cattle ranch and I help out on days when I’m off duty. So, we’re stretched thin.”

“Yes, you are.” Jenny stared at his hands. No wonder they looked roughened by hard, constant work. He was a cowboy when he wasn’t a deputy sheriff. His work ethic made her proud of his responsible lifestyle. “Jenny has a father who will truly care for her in the long term.”

Cade nodded. “Yes, but becoming a parent suddenly is jarring. My parents are going to be shocked, too. They’ll be happy to help with Jenny, but they can’t care for her, either.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Rachel said, meaning it. Again, she saw the relief in Cade’s shadowed eyes. His law-enforcement facade had dropped away. She was privy to the man, not the deputy. And what she saw called to her on such a deep level that it surprised her. Since the abuse by Dirk, Rachel had undergone years of therapy. She recognized the extent to which she was an abuse survivor. It had left her wary of men in general. She’d had a few men who were pals, but never a lover. Rachel wondered if she would ever be able to love a man. The scars from her marriage with Dirk Payson had been a prison sentence in so many ways.

“I’m sure glad,” Cade said, smiling. “Once we get things set up, you’ll need a car, won’t you?”

“I will, yes. In New York I never needed one. I can drive, but it was nice not having a car payment.”

“Maybe I can help you there. My dad has a small pickup truck he no longer uses.”

Rachel laughed. “A pickup? I’m sure I can get used to driving it. That would be helpful because then I don’t have to have a car payment on top of everything else.”

“I’ll make sure you get paid properly,” Cade promised her. He made a right onto a road that was nothing but muddy ruts. “This is the way to the Moose Head Ranch. It’s about a mile down this bumpy road, so hold on to Jenny.”

The blackness was complete around them as he carefully threaded the car through the muddy ruts. The snow had stopped falling and as Rachel looked out, she realized that her life was changing remarkably and with shocking swiftness. And yet, a sweet joy thrummed through her heart as she held Jenny in her arms. It wasn’t her baby, but that didn’t matter. Her other jobs as a nanny had been with older children. Closing her eyes for a moment, Rachel savored the sense of utter safety she felt despite the turmoil in her life. Was it due to Cade’s nearness? She thought so. How handsome he was. And then, Rachel wondered if he was married.

Opening her eyes, she glanced at his hands on the wheel. He didn’t wear a wedding ring. A lot of men didn’t so it meant nothing. Wetting her lips, she said, “For some reason, when I first saw you out there tonight, you looked married.”

Cade’s mouth thinned. “I was married,” he said abruptly. Realizing he’d snapped at her, he added more softly, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Taking his unexpectedly grim answer in stride, Rachel realized that was a closed topic between them. Yet, as she looked over at him, she saw a terrible grief in the deputy’s eyes. What was that all about? She didn’t dare ask at this point.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Her apology seemed to deflate the tension that had suddenly ballooned between them. Cade was like Fort Knox, Rachel decided: closed up and private.

Cade’s mouth thinned. “I’m the one who should apologize. I was married,” he said, voice strained. “Abby and my baby girl, Susannah, were killed in an auto accident two years ago.”

RACHEL WAS TOO STUNNED to assimilate Cade’s awful admission. He had lost his family! To some degree she understood his pain, like a knife in the heart. No wonder Cade looked so anguished.

His mother and father, Ray and Gwen, met them at Cade’s sprawling three-thousand-square-foot single-story log home. It was nearly one in the morning. Rachel felt exhausted and yet super alert as Cade opened the car door and helped her out.

Gwen, a woman in her fifties with curly, short silver-and-black hair, led Rachel into Cade’s home. Her gray eyes were sharp and filled with care. Ray went to the kitchen while Gwen took Rachel and the baby toward the back of the house.