Kate Hardy - Her Real Family Christmas

For once, the ward was quiet, so Daniel was able to call for Stephanie as they’d agreed. They picked up a meal from the hospital canteen; he noticed that she chose a healthy chicken salad wrap, fruit and water. Clearly she was someone who looked after herself, rather than a lot of the medics he knew, who grabbed a chocolate bar for quick energy because they didn’t have time for a proper break and a proper meal. Then they walked out to the park opposite the hospital and found a seat.

‘So how was your morning?’ she asked.

She really did have an amazing smile, he thought. Crazily, although they were outside and it was already sunny, the whole park felt brighter when she smiled. ‘Fine. Yours?’

‘Fine. Well, full of paperwork,’ she said ruefully. ‘And I guess this is going to be more of the same.’

Daniel found it hard to concentrate on talking to her about the roles of their departments and where they could work together to give their patients better care. He wanted to reach over and touch her dark hair, see if it was as soft as it looked. Which was insane; he never normally acted this way towards anyone.

But Stephanie looked so cute, all serious and thoughtful as she made notes on her mobile phone while they discussed the ins and outs of their respective departments.

For a mad moment, he itched to lean over and touch his mouth to hers. Just once. Just to see what it felt like.

‘Dan?’ she asked.

‘Uh.’ He felt the betraying heat crawling into his face. ‘Sorry, I was multi-tasking. I should know better. I don’t have enough X chromosomes to do that sort of thing.’

She laughed and the seriousness in her face vanished. She really was pretty, Daniel thought. He liked the way her green eyes crinkled at the corners, even at the same time as it scared him. He didn’t notice things like this about women. He didn’t think of women in terms of anything other than family, colleagues or patients. This woman could be seriously dangerous to his peace of mind.

‘Don’t do yourself down,’ she said. ‘Or do you normally hang around with totally sexist women?’

He laughed back. ‘Would a bossy little sister count?’

Her smile faded then, and he wondered what he’d said to change her mood.

Not that he could ask. There were suddenly barriers a mile high round her, and she kept the rest of their conversation on a totally businesslike footing. By the time they’d finished their lunch, she had enough notes for the basis of a report. ‘I’ll type it up and email it over to you, so you can see if I’ve missed anything.’

‘Thanks, that’d be good.’

And he couldn’t get the easiness back between them when they walked back to the hospital. He had no idea what he’d said to upset her, but he’d definitely rattled her cage.

‘Daddy, Ellie in my class is going to be a bridesmaid,’ Mia said, when Daniel had finished reading her bedtime story that evening.

‘That’s nice, darling,’ he said.

‘She’s going to have a really pretty dress. A purple one.’

Where was his daughter going with this? he wondered.

‘I’d like to be a bridesmaid.’ Her brown eyes were earnest.

Daniel relaxed and ruffled her hair. ‘I’m sure you’d make a lovely bridesmaid. Maybe one day.’

‘Maybe Aunty Lucy will get married,’ Mia said.

Given that his sister was still recovering from the break-up of her first marriage, he wasn’t sure that’d happen any time soon. Not that it was a topic he wanted to discuss with a six-year-old. ‘Maybe.’

‘Ellie’s going to have a new mummy,’ Mia added thoughtfully. ‘Because her daddy’s getting married. That’s why she’s going to be a bridesmaid.’

Oh, help. Now he could see where she was really going with this.

‘And she’s not like Snow White’s nasty stepmother. She’s really nice. She taught Ellie how to draw cats.’ Mia bit her lip. ‘Ellie’s so lucky. She’s going to have two mummies.’

And Mia didn’t even have one.

Had he been selfish, avoiding everyone’s attempts to fix him up on a date? Should he have put his own feelings aside and tried to find someone who’d fit into their lives and be a mother to Mia? Guilt seeped through him.

‘Yes, she’s lucky,’ he said softly. ‘But you’re lucky, too. You have two nannas. And Aunty Lucy.’

‘Ye-es.’

But he knew that having two grandmothers and an aunt weren’t the same as having a mum. And now he felt really bad because he’d effectively stopped his daughter talking about her feelings. He could see that she was hurting.

‘Your mummy loved you very much,’ he said, stroking her hair. ‘And so do I.’

‘Love you, too, Daddy,’ Mia said.

‘Sleep tight, angel.’ OK, so he was being selfish again, backing away from the conversation—but he didn’t know what to say to her. How to make it right. Because this was something he couldn’t fix. ‘See you in the morning.’

‘Night-night, Daddy.’ Mia snuggled under her duvet after he’d kissed her goodnight.

Daniel thought about it for the rest of the evening.

He was still thinking about it, the next day. A mum for Mia.

Could he do this? Find her a mother? Replace Meg in his life as well as in hers?

After all, he had met someone. The first woman he’d been attracted to since Meg’s death. Though that in itself made him feel horribly guilty, as if he were betraying Meg’s memory. Mia had made it clear that she wanted a mother figure in her life; or was it just a phase? How would she feel if he started seeing someone? Would she feel as if she was missing out on time with him?

And then there was Stephanie herself. She’d been cagey about her past, and Daniel was pretty sure that someone had hurt her. Badly. Like him, she might have filled her life so she didn’t have space for a relationship. And, even if she did have space, would she want to get involved with someone who already had a child?

He brooded about it all the way home.

His sister was curled up on the sofa, reading, when he walked in; she looked up and frowned. ‘Tough day?’ she asked.

‘I’m fine,’ he lied.

‘Dan, I’ve known you long enough to see the signs. Come and sit down in the kitchen. I saved you some pasta. While it’s heating through, you can talk.’

‘Lucy, you’re being bossy.’ But he followed her into the kitchen and sat down at the table anyway.

‘I’m worried about you, Dan.’ She put the pasta in the microwave and sat down opposite him. ‘Tell me.’

‘I don’t know where to start.’ He sighed. ‘Mia was saying yesterday that one of her friends is getting a second mum.’

‘That would be Ellie.’ Lucy nodded. ‘Her new stepmum’s very nice.’

‘Mia, um, kind of hinted that she wants a mum.’

‘And that’s upset you?’

‘Thrown me.’ He grimaced. ‘Lucy, do you think it would be wrong of me to see someone?’

‘That depends. If you’re doing it just to give Mia a mum, then yes. That wouldn’t be fair to any of you.’ She paused. ‘But if you’ve met someone you want to see, that’s different. Mum and I have been saying for ages that you could do with some fun in your life. We all love Mia dearly, but it’s hard being a single parent, and the only things you ever do are if you go out somewhere with us or if it’s a team night at work.’

‘Which makes it sound as if I don’t have a social life.’

‘You don’t have a social life,’ she said gently.

He rubbed his jaw. ‘I feel guilty. It’s—well, it feels as if I’m betraying Meg.’

‘Rubbish,’ Lucy said roundly. ‘Think of it the other way round—if you’d been the one killed in the accident, would you have wanted Meg to be on her own for the rest of her life?’