Kimberly Raye - Dead Sexy

I sleepwalked in here and took off my undies.

A saucer full of little green men held me at gunpoint and demanded I take off my undies.

Those aren’t really my undies, they’re just an illusion.

Her stomach knotted and her throat went tight. Think, her brain screamed. She needed a semiplausible story that would salvage as much face as possible.

“I—I was just visiting the man in this room,” she blurted. “He’s an old friend and we haven’t seen each other in such a long time and we had so much to talk about. One minute we were reminiscing, and the next I was out like a light. I’ve put in so many long days at the salon. I guess they finally caught up with me.” She summoned a loud yawn.

“You really know the handsome young man who rented this room?”

“Not in the biblical sense,” she rushed on, crossing her fingers under the sheet. “We’re just friends. Buddies. Old, old acquaintances. I can’t believe I just conked right out on him. He slept on the floor and left the bed to me.” There. She’d done it. Semiplausible. Now all Winona had to do was bite.

“Of course he did.” She nodded. “The minute I opened the door I figured it was something like that.”

As lame as it had been, the old woman had bought it. Despite the undies in her hand and the rest of Nikki’s clothing that lay in full view of God and everyone.

Nikki waited for a rush of relief, but it didn’t come. Instead time pulled at her and suddenly she was back in high school. The only girl who didn’t get mentioned on the boy’s bathroom wall. The opposite of her mother, who’d gotten her name and number scribbled with frightening regularity.

Nikki had been proud of both at the time. But at the moment…

“I mean, really,” Winona went on. “You and that handsome young man? Talk about crazy.”

“I don’t know if I would go that far.”

“Are you kidding? I saw him when he checked in last night and, believe me, the two of you are totally wrong for each other.” Winona patted her shoulder. “Not that you’re chopped liver or anything like that. But you’re not anywhere close to centerfold material, and that boy’s straight off the pages of one of them GQ magazines.”

“But opposites attract,” Nicki heard herself say.

“Opposites, sugar, as in same species. That boy’s from the so-good-looking-it’s-a-downright-shame planet. You…well, you’re nice. ”

“Men like nice.”

Winona gave her a get-out-of-here look. “Men, child, like nice if they’re looking for a housekeeper or a nanny or a personal assistant. If they’re looking to fornicate…well, nice just doesn’t cut it. See, there are two types of women in this world. You’ve got your drop-dead man teasers like Mae West and Marilyn Monroe. That’s the sort a man goes for if he wants a love interest. The pleasers—those poor, desperate souls so starved for love that they’ll do just about anything for a man except sleep with him—are the nice girls. The sort that’ll make you cookies for Valentine’s Day instead of doing a striptease and giving a lap dance. The pleasers operate with the misguided notion that the way to a man’s heart doesn’t involve a direct route through his pants. Not true, on account of a man’s heart is located directly in his pants.”

She was not hearing this.

Not now.

And certainly not from Winona .

The woman stood next to Nicki’s great-aunt Izzie in the church choir every Sunday morning. And she played Mrs. Claus during the tree-lighting festival at Christmas. And she spearheaded the Pies for Pennies charity bake sale every other Friday.

Like Nikki’s aunt Izzie, the old woman was wholesome and sweet and… nice.

At the same time, Nikki remembered her mother talking about Winona when she’d been much younger and not so nice. She’d had bright red hair and matching lipstick and, rumor had it, had spent her evenings down at the local saloon.

“Now it’s not that men don’t like the pleasers,” Winona went on. “They do. They just don’t see themselves spending eternity with a woman who’d rather cook for them than warm the sheets. Men see those kind of women more like sisters. Somebody to listen when a man feels like whining, to cook when he feels like eating and to boost his ego when he feels down and out. Sure, men get involved with pleasers every lovin’ day, but the first whiff they catch of a teaser, bam—” she slapped her hands together “—the pleaser is stuck home on a Friday night watching reruns of Dog the Bounty Hunter. ” She eyed the T-shirt draped over the back of a nearby chair and shook her head. “Did Bill get you that?”

“I am not a pleaser.”

Winona smiled. “You should be proud, dear. You’re a good girl. Not a thing like your mama.” Winona frowned. “Now there’s a teaser for you. Jolene’s right up there with Pamela Anderson. Poor Izzie. She’s always had her hands full with that one. But you…you’re a good girl. Why, you’re the spittin’ image of Izzie herself at your age. That woman was, is and always will be a saint.”

“We had sex,” Nikki blurted.

“Always putting others first and going out of her way and—excuse me?”

Yeah. Excuse me? common sense demanded.

But Nikki’s pride had shifted into overdrive, not to mention the sudden urge to defend her mother, and the words starting pouring out before she could stop them. “Me and the good-looking man who checked into this room—Jake,” she heard herself say. “His name is Jake and we had sex. Lots of sex.” She snatched the white undies from Winona’s hand. “He couldn’t keep his hands off me.”

“The man who checked into this room?”

“Jake McCann.” Nikki hiked the sheet up under her arms and scooted toward the edge of the bed. “He’s totally enamored of me.” She pushed to her feet, careful to wrap the sheet around her. “All he thinks about is me.” She wiggled to the far corner of the room and retrieved her jeans and T-shirt. “And sex.” Winona looked shocked and Nikki gave herself a mental high-five. “It’s been really nice talking to you.” And then she turned, waddled toward the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind her.

She leaned back against the cool wood and closed her eyes. Her heart beat a frantic rhythm as the past few seconds replayed in her mind.

A smile tugged at her lips.

But the satisfaction she’d felt at blabbing out the truth—the sex part anyhow—quickly fled as she realized that she’d blown her reputation in less than a full minute.

Her mother was going to be the happiest woman in the world.

As for Aunt Izzie…

Nikki didn’t want to think about that right now. She couldn’t. She was too busy trying to digest Winona’s words. A pleaser? Is that what the people in town really thought of her? That she was desperate? Starved for love?

If the T-shirt fits…

She’d been starved for sex, not love.

She had plenty of love in her life. She had friends who appreciated her. A mother who adored her. A great-aunt who treasured her.

Granted, the emotions didn’t come from a man. But she didn’t need a man in her life at this very second. Which was the reason she wasn’t at all bummed that Jake McCann had up and left without so much as a few words scribbled on a Post-it.

Sure, she would eventually start dating again and, hopefully, find the right man. But until then she was content being single. She liked her freedom.

She relished it.

Yeah, that explains why you feel disappointed.

Disappointed?

Hardly. She’d gone into last night knowing full well that it was a one-night stand only. A way to burn off the frustration that had been making her completely and totally crazy.