Brenda Harlen - Extreme Measures

“I loved you too much to use our baby to hold on to you. I didn’t want you to resent me, and our child, for keeping you here when it wasn’t where you wanted to be.”

She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “And there was a part of me that was afraid it wouldn’t be enough to hold you, anyway. That you would still choose your career over your family.”

“Did you ever consider a third option—that I might have wanted to be a father to our child?”

Of course she’d considered it. When the doctor had confirmed her pregnancy, she’d fantasized about telling him. In that fantasy, Colin had been ecstatic to learn she was carrying his child. He’d shouted with joy and kissed her breathless. Then he’d taken her away and they’d lived happily ever after in a house full of children.

But the reality was that they’d married without ever talking about children. At the time, she’d been so thrilled to be Colin’s wife she hadn’t worried about anything else. She’d known she wanted to have his child some day, and she’d taken it for granted that he wanted the same thing.

When she’d finally broached the subject a couple of months later, she’d been both shocked and hurt to hear him say he didn’t want a family. But she hadn’t pursued the topic, certain he’d change his mind over time.

Being served with a petition for divorce had effectively annihilated that fantasy. Still, she knew now that she’d been wrong to blame him for destroying a dream he couldn’t have known about. And after a long minute of agonizing silence, she finally whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry that I found out?”

She shook her head, blinked back tears. “Sorry that I didn’t try to tell you sooner. Regardless of what happened between us, you are her father and you had a right to know.”

Colin remained silent.

“I am sorry,” she said, surprised at how good it felt to say those words. “I never meant to hurt you or Carly by keeping my pregnancy a secret. And I’m sorry that’s what happened.”

“So am I.”

“What do you want me to do now?” she asked helplessly. “I’ve apologized. I’ve tried to make you understand why I made the decisions I did. Okay, so maybe I screwed up. Maybe I should have done things differently. But it’s too late to change that now.”

When he finally spoke, his tone was ripe with bitterness and accusation. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for this.”

“We both made mistakes,” she reminded him. “Can’t we just admit that and move on?”

“I don’t know how to get past your lies, your deception.”

Nikki again felt the sting of tears behind her eyes.

“Does Carly know anything about me?”

“She’s only started to ask questions about her dad,” Nikki admitted. “I’ve told her as much as I can without lying to her.”

His eyes narrowed. “What have you told her?”

“That he didn’t live with us because he worked in Texas.”

He seemed to consider her explanation for a long moment.

“It’s not a big deal to her,” Nikki explained. “A lot of her friends live in single-parent families.”

“It’s a big deal to me,” he said.

“That’s not what I meant. I was only trying to explain that she hasn’t missed not having a father.”

“Does that help you sleep at night—believing she doesn’t need a father?”

“I didn’t say she didn’t need a father,” she said wearily. “In a perfect world, every child would have two parents who love her. But this isn’t a perfect world, and I’ve done the best that I can for Carly.”

“Then where do I fit in?”

Nikki hesitated, knowing that her response was only going to infuriate him even more. But she’d thought about that question all night, and she was determined to put her daughter’s interests first. “I don’t want you forcing your way into her life if you don’t plan on staying. It would be worse for Carly to find her father and lose him, than never to have a father at all.”

“Why is that your decision to make?” Colin challenged.

“Because she’s my daughter and I don’t want her to be hurt.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she recognized her mistake. Of course, it was already too late.

“She’s my daughter, too,” he shot back. “And I want to be part of her life. I want her to know who I am.”

“You want her to call you ‘Daddy’?”

“I am her father,” he reminded her.

“You can’t expect to show up, after five years, and—”

“I might have shown up sooner,” he pointed out coldly, “if I’d known about my child.”

“Might being the operative word,” Nikki shot back.

“In any event,” Colin continued, his tone icy, “I don’t think you’re in any position to put conditions on my relationship with Carly.”

“I’m the one who will have to deal with the fallout when you’re not around anymore.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“What happens if your contract is renewed in Texas?”

“I’m not going to debate with you about something that might or might not happen,” he said.

“She’s the one who’ll be hurt when you leave town again.”

“Why are you so quick to assume that I’d abandon her?”

Nikki looked away. She was afraid for Carly, but she was also afraid for herself. Colin affected her as no other man ever had, and she couldn’t bear to see him walk out on her again. And she knew that he would leave. Sooner or later, Colin always left.

“Because you’re always looking for something better. And when a situation becomes a little too difficult, you walk away rather than trying to make it work.”

“Are you still talking about Carly?” he asked. “Or us?”

Nikki flushed. “Obviously our history has colored my perceptions, but you can’t blame me for wanting to protect Carly.”

“I would never hurt her, Nikki.”

I would never hurt you, Nikki. Yes, she’d heard those words before. She’d even believed them at one time. Not anymore.

“If you really want to be her father, you have to start thinking about what’s best for Carly. You need to consider how it will affect her when you walk out of her life as abruptly as you’ve walked into it.”

“Dammit, Nicole. What do you want from me? What am I supposed to do to prove that I’m committed?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But you don’t get to call yourself her father until you’re ready to take the responsibility of being a father.”

“Maybe we should see what a family-court judge says about it.”

The words, once they’d been spoken, surprised Colin as much as they surprised Nikki. He certainly hadn’t come over here this morning with the intention of threatening to take her to court. But he should have expected the unexpected—nothing had gone according to plan since he’d walked back into this town.

And although he was tempted to follow through on the threat, to force Nikki to accept him as part of Carly’s life, he knew he couldn’t. Court documents were a matter of public record, accessible to anyone who cared to look. Filing a legal claim to his daughter would not only announce his location to the world but potentially endanger Carly as well.

Despite Detective Brock’s phone call last night advising of Duncan Parnell’s arrest, Colin remained wary. Unless and until Parnell signed a confession, he couldn’t let himself believe the threat had passed. He couldn’t let his guard down for a minute, which meant he couldn’t sue for custody of his child.

But Nikki didn’t know this, and her face drained of all color in response to his impulsive statement. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he warned.