Lynda Curnyn - Confessions Of An Ex-Girlfriend

“Hmm,” my father responded, distracted. This was the part of the conversation where he usually tuned out, probably to contemplate how his daughter would survive if she married a man who had no hope of a pension plan. “How’s that Alyssa doing?” he said now. “Still dating that lawyer?”

As my father had been handing most of his own pension over to the attorneys he hired for his various lawsuits, he had developed a new respect for this particular breed of boyfriend material. “Yes, they are still together. I imagine they’ll eventually get married, though Richard is so focused on trying to make partner, he probably won’t pop the question until after that happens.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” my father replied.

“Jade’s doing great, too,” I continued. “One of the layouts she worked on last year just won an award.”

“Oh, yeah?” he replied. Then he laughed. “That Jade. She al ways was an artsy one. I guess she’s still not dating anyone, huh?”

“You know Jade. She’s always dating someone,” I replied, trying not to remember that her latest someone had suddenly turned into a no one.

“Hmm…” Again my father had tuned out, probably worrying that Jade’s success at singledom might spur me into some kind of complementary spinsterdom.

“So how’s Deirdre?” I asked.

“Oh, she’s having a ball now that I’ve given her my blessing to purchase a new living-room sofa. I’ve never seen so many swatches of material pass before my eyes in my life. She was just asking about you. Wants to know if you’re planning on coming in for Memorial Day weekend.”

Uh-oh. How was I going to come up with a Derrick-double by then? “Umm… I haven’t really decided. Uh, Derrick and I might be doing something in the city.”

“You’re going to spend Memorial Day weekend in the city?” he asked. My father, who had spent the last thirty years as a com muter into this “dirty rathole,” as he referred to Manhattan, still couldn’t believe I willingly chose to live here, and in a postage-stamp-size apartment no less. He was one of those homeowners who always went bigger with each new house he bought, despite the fact that his family had gotten smaller after the divorce. His current house, a sprawling Victorian in Huntington, was a monument to this philosophy.

“I don’t know what I’m doing over Memorial Day. I haven’t decided yet,” I said, anxiety creeping into my voice.

“All right, all right. No pressure. Deirdre was just asking because we were thinking of going away that weekend.”

“Oh.” And here I was worried my father and Deirdre would suffer from my absence at the annual family barbecue. “Okay, well, don’t let me stop you from making plans,” I said, hoping he and Deirdre would go out of town and leave me and my phantom boy friend to ourselves.

We talked for a little while longer before hanging up. Then, with a sigh that descended into a groan, I gave in to temptation and grabbed a photo album off my bookshelf. Flipping to the first photo of Derrick and me that I came across, I stared deeply into his enigmatic eyes looking for answers as to what went wrong. And as I studied his smiling face, I realized that despite all the good times we’d had, our relationship had amounted to a whole heap of nothing. Then I remembered the admiration in my father’s voice when he’d asked about Richard.

Maybe my father had something there. Maybe I should be going for a man with more prospects and a solid career. A man who had made a name for himself in the world and was now looking for a wife to come home to. That’s the kind of man I should be dating. Someone like Richard, where there wasn’t a question of Will He Ask, only How and When.

I called Alyssa, hoping to hit her up for a hot lawyerly prospect. At the very least, I would get a date for Memorial Day weekend. Maybe even for my mother’s wedding as well.

“Why a lawyer?” Alyssa asked when I made my request.

“You say that with such disgust in your voice, Lys. And last time I checked, you were not only living the life of a lawyer, but living with one.”

“I’m talking about you, Em. You never wanted one of my fix-ups before.”

“That’s because I hadn’t realized the value of dating a lawyer until now.”

“Uh-oh. Here it comes.”

“Well, all my observations of the male species over the years have led me to one conclusion: Men will only consider marriage when they reach a certain income level. And assuming most lawyers our age would be just about hitting that comfort mark—or are even likely beyond it—I figure my odds of marriage are better with a lawyer. At the very least, I could argue my way to the altar.”

“Wait a sec here. Back up. Since when are you so gung-ho about getting married?”

“I’m thirty-one years old. I ought to start thinking about it, don’t you think?”

“I’m thirty-one, too, and you don’t see me rushing out to buy a dress.”

“Lys, not to be mean or anything, but it’s a lot easier to be brave about your unmarried status when you have Husband 1 living under your roof.”

“Nothing’s definite between Richard and me.”

“Yeah, but you guys are clearly in—” A twinge of panic shot through me as realization dawned. Something was up. “Wait a sec. What’s going on with you?”

“Oh…nothing.”

“Please don’t tell me you and Richard are on the rocks. You would be destroying my last lingering belief that soulmates do exist. That people can actually follow falling-in-love with happily-ever-after.”

“Everything’s fine, I guess.”

“Lys—”

“Okay. I met someone else.”

“What?”

“It’s not like I planned it or anything.” She never did. Men just fell in love with Alyssa without warning.

“Who is it?”

“Don’t laugh.”

“I promise.”

“Dr. Jason Carruthers.”

Leave it to Alyssa to go from a lawyer to a doctor. “Let me guess…your ob-gyn?”

“Don’t be ridic—”

“Your optometrist? Your dentist?”

“My vet.”

“Your what?” Suddenly my head was filled with images of a scrawny, softspoken man with patchy facial hair. After all, I had never seen a vet who hadn’t eventually turned out to look somewhat like the patients he treated.

“I told you Lulu has been having trouble with her bowel movements? Well, I went to her old vet, except he had retired. And in his place was Jason.”

“Jason? You guys are on a first-name basis already?”

“I know what you’re thinking. It’s just that I never met anyone like him before. And it’s not only that he’s gorgeous. There’s a certain…tenderness about him.”

“Oh God. Don’t tell me. Have you guys—”

“No—no! Nothing like that. I mean in the way he handles Lulu.”

I began to become suspicious. Lulu was Alyssa’s Lhasa apso, the dog she grew up with on the Upper East Side and the last vestige of her mother, who had died two years ago. Alyssa’s father had a fatal heart attack when she was a teenager, and her mom had gotten her a puppy during that difficult year. Alyssa loved that dog as if it were the last family member she had. And Lulu was, really. If you didn’t count me and Jade, of course.

“How is Lulu?”

“Not good. Jason thinks it may be her kidneys.”

Aha. “Well, don’t do anything rash, Lys. Just see this thing through with Lulu, and then look at where things stand. You and Richard have a long history together. That’s not something you should regard lightly.”

“I know. I know. It’s just that…things have changed between us. I…I sometimes feel like I don’t even know Richard anymore. Maybe he’s changed. Hell, maybe I’ve changed.”

“Lys, all I’m saying is don’t do anything—”