Sheri WhiteFeather - Coming Home to a Cowboy

Kade squinted again. “That was a terrible thing for him to do, to disappear like that.”

“He didn’t disappear completely. He called one final time from the road and told my mom that he wasn’t coming back. That it was too much pressure, and he couldn’t handle it.”

“Is that what you thought I would do to Cody? Is that why you didn’t tell me about him?”

“I would have told you if you’d called me. But when you broke your promise and never got back in touch with me, I figured it was better to just keep you out of my child’s life. To me, you were already showing signs of being like my dad. He never made good on his word, either. Even when he was active in our lives, we could never quite count on him. If he said he was coming for Christmas, he would show up on New Year’s instead.”

“I understand why your experiences with your dad triggered concerns about me. But you never even gave me a chance when you found out about the baby. I still don’t think that was fair.”

“Maybe not. But you have your chance now. Only whatever you do, please don’t make promises to Cody that you don’t intend to keep. I couldn’t bear for him go through what I went through.”

“I have no idea what type of relationship Cody and I are going to establish, but I’m not your dad, Bridget. I’m not going to leave without ever coming back.”

“I hope not,” she said, praying with all her might that Kade turned out to be a far better man than she’d given him credit for.

Chapter Two

Kade wanted to prove himself. He wanted to do everything right. But the pressure Bridget was putting on him wasn’t helping. He could tell from her expression that she had doubts.

“Were you scared when you first found out you were pregnant?” he asked.

“Are you kidding? I was terrified.”

“I’m terrified, too. Except that I’m becoming a parent to a fifth-grader, instead of a newborn.”

Kade was immersed in all sorts of emotions. Not only would he be meeting his son for the first time, he also had to contend with the fact that he’d been Bridget’s first lover. He’d never been anyone’s first. If he’d known, he might’ve ended it before it had begun. Then again, maybe he would’ve forged ahead anyway. Either way, it altered the experience when the details were clearly different from the way he’d been remembering them.

He said, “I’m trying to make up for lost time, Bridget. But I would’ve been here all along if I’d known that Cody existed.”

“Been here how?” Her blue eyes locked onto his. “Would you have moved to Montana or offered to marry me? Somehow, I don’t see it as having gone in that direction.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have done either of those things. But I would have come around to see my son. I would have been his dad, regardless of my loner lifestyle.”

“Like my dad did with me?” she asked, and then winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring him up again.”

Troubled by her response, he studied her. Scattered beams of sunlight slipped in from the window, enhancing the blondness of her hair and the fairness of her skin, making her look far too touchable.

Instead of caving in to the silence bouncing between them, he played devil’s advocate, asking her a hypothetical question. “Just for argument’s sake, if I would’ve offered to marry you, would you have even accepted my proposal?”

She frowned. “What kind of question is that, especially when you said it wouldn’t have happened?”

“I just want to know how you would have reacted if I’d done it.”

“Truthfully?” She answered him head-on. “I probably would have accepted.”

He shifted in his seat, realizing the blunder he’d made. He’d expected her to say that she wouldn’t have become his wife, not in any shape or form. “What about your distrustful opinion of me? How would that have factored into it?”

“If you’d offered to marry me, that would have made you seem more trustworthy.”

He tried another tactic. “Even though you barely knew me?”

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter.” She glanced away. “It wouldn’t have worked anyway. Besides, our focus is supposed to be on you getting to know Cody, not on how idealistic I would have been to marry someone who was practically a stranger.”

“Lots of people get married because of babies.” It was the reason his parents had ended up in their disastrous situation, with Kade being the kid they’d conceived. Of course, they’d gone on to have more children before they’d gotten divorced. “It happens all the time, even if it shouldn’t.”

“I know, but what’s the point of talking about it? It’s water under the bridge now.”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up. I have the tendency to speak my mind, even when I should keep quiet. I used to get in trouble for it when I was young. I spent half of my adolescent life in detention. But I acted out purposely because I didn’t want to go home after school, especially when my dad was around.”

“Was your father mean?”

“Yeah. He was demanding as hell, and a lot of his anger was directed at me. I used to stand up to him, and that made him even madder. But I don’t have anything to do with him anymore. None of us kids do now that we’re older.”

“I didn’t even know there were other kids. You didn’t mention them last time you and I were together. Other than saying that you were originally from LA and that you get your Native American blood from your mom’s side, you didn’t tell me about your family.”

“I have a younger brother and sister.” He would’ve preferred to leave his sister out of it, but he couldn’t evade the truth. “Tanner is thirty-three, and Meagan is twenty-five. Both of them are still in California. But it’s not all sunshine and roses out there, not for my sister anyway. She got into some trouble with the law and is serving time.”

Bridget’s eyes grew wide. “She’s in prison?”

He nodded. “She embezzled from the place where she worked. It’s just so hard for me grasp. She was such a sweet and spunky kid, and now she’s a criminal.” He heaved a thick sigh. “I had another baby sister, too, who came along about eight years after Meagan. But she died of SIDS.”

“Oh, Kade, I’m sorry.”

“Our mom is also gone now. She had a heart attack a couple of years ago. Thankfully it was before Meagan got arrested. That would have destroyed Mom.”

“Grandpa is the only person close to me who ever died, and his passing still hurts.”

“Losing someone you love is painful.” He still mourned his mom. He still said prayers for his infant sister, too. “You never really get over it.”

“You’re right,” she said somberly, and they finished eating. When they were done, he helped her clear the table. While she was rinsing the dishes, he stood off to the side, wishing their conversation hadn’t been so serious.

Finally she cut into the quiet and said, “I’d show you Cody’s room, but he wants to bring you in there himself. He worked really hard to clean it up. Normally it’s a mess.”

“Then, I certainly won’t sneak a peek.” He wouldn’t spoil it for the boy.

“I can take you outside if you’d like.” She dried her hands on a plain white towel. “Cody won’t mind if I give you a tour of the barn and the yard.”

“Are you sure?”

“I already checked with him.” She laughed a little. “We had a big discussion about what I was permitted to do.”

Kade laughed, too, amused by their son’s rules. “That’s quite a bossy kid we’ve got.”

“That’s for sure.” She turned to look at him and suddenly their gazes locked, their humor quickly fading.

He held his breath, feeling as if he was getting sucked into a vacuum. He wasn’t sure how he was going to sleep at the motel tonight and not think about her. If he could kiss her, he would, just for the much-needed pleasure it would provide. But he couldn’t let something like that happen, so he followed her outside, fighting the feeling.