Carole Mortimer - Living Together

’Did you love your husband so much?’

She was suddenly calm again, her face emotionless. ‘My feelings for my husband are my own concern.’

‘That mask of yours slips away every now and then, doesn’t it?’ he mused softly. ‘My cool Helen occasionally becomes the fiery woman she must once have been. Does anyone else get to you like I do, Helen?’ he probed shrewdly. ‘Does any man get to you like I do?’

She turned away. ‘You flatter yourself, Mr Masters.’

‘Why don’t you like being touched, Helen?’ he continued his probing.

‘God, I hate you!’ she glared at him. ‘What right do you have to come here and ask me personal questions? Just who do you think you are, that you can—–’

‘I’m going to be your lover, Helen,’ he cut in smoothly.

‘I—You’re what ?’

‘Your lover. That’s what I’m going to be.’

‘But I—I don’t want—I don’t want a lover!’ She was white, deathly white. ‘Please, stop this. Leave me alone,’ she begged, despising herself for her weakness. ‘Oh, please, Leon, leave me alone!’ The last came out as a choked sob.

He stood up and came to stand in front of her. ‘I can’t, my cool Helen. You have me tied up in knots. If it’s time you want, you’ve got it, but you have to let me see you, be with you, talk to you.’

She looked at him with huge frightened eyes. ‘But why? Why does it have to be me? There are thousands of women—–’

His hand caressing her cheek stopped the flow of words, dropping back to his side as she flinched away from him. ‘It just has to be you. I can’t explain it, so don’t ask me to. I’ve tried to be with other women, but I can’t get you out of my mind.’

‘But I don’t even like you,’ she said desperately.

‘At the moment you don’t like any man. Your emotions are dead. I’d just like to be the man who’s around when you decide to start living again. Is that too much to ask?’

She moved away from him, his proximity unnerving, shaking her head dazedly. ‘I don’t ever want to get involved with a man again.’

‘You have to get involved, have to allow yourself to feel for any relationship to work.’

‘But I don’t want a—a relationship.’ She looked at him pleadingly. ‘Don’t you understand, I don’t want that!’

‘Okay, okay,’ he soothed. ‘Forget that for the moment. Just come out with me today.’

‘I thought you said to forget it.’

‘Going out for the day together hardly constitutes a relationship,’ he taunted. ‘And I had my chef prepare a picnic luncheon for us when I found out you weren’t joining us on the boat.’

‘ Your chef?’ she echoed.

He shrugged. ‘It was my yacht.’

‘You mean you’ve walked out on your guests a second time?’ she was amazed.

He gave a rueful grin. ‘I must admit it’s getting to be a habit of mine.’

Helen felt a reluctant smile curve her lips, and her eyes met his as she heard his sharp intake of breath. ‘What is it?’ she asked curiously.

‘That’s the first time you’ve smiled at me, really smiled at me.’

She blushed. ‘You weren’t exactly pleasant to me the last time we met.’

‘No,’ he agreed slowly. ‘You’re completely different from any other woman I know, and I’m not sure how to handle you. I’m not used to women who don’t—–’

‘Fancy you,’ she finished teasingly.

‘I wasn’t going to say that.’ He looked at her with dark brooding eyes. ‘Don’t you “fancy” me, Helen? Answer truthfully,’ he added warningly.

‘You’re very attractive.’ She did as he said. ‘Very handsome, very assured, very—–’

‘Are you attracted to me?’

She bit her lip, frowning her despair, knowing she would arouse his anger with her answer. ‘No,’ she admitted huskily, unable to look at him.

Leon drew a ragged breath. ‘Do you practise being cruel or does it come naturally?’ he asked in a strained voice.

‘I’m sorry,’ she replied jerkily, ‘but I thought you wanted honesty.’

‘Like I was with you?’ he rasped.

‘If you like,’ she nodded. ‘You were honest about wanting me, I’m being just as honest when I say I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry if it wasn’t the answer you wanted.’

‘Hell, Helen, you aren’t sorry at all,’ he snapped angrily. ‘You’re enjoying this, enjoying seeing how much you can hurt me. Well, I’m not hurt, I’m bloody furious! I came here—–’

‘Because you want an affair with me,’ she finished disgustedly. ‘But I can’t help it if I don’t want you. You can’t force these feelings.’

‘The trouble with you is that you don’t have any feelings.’

Helen turned her back on him. ‘I’m glad I don’t. I—–’ She broke off as he spun her round, cringing from the determination she could see in his face. ‘Don’t kiss me! Please , don’t kiss me!’ she cried her anguish.

He flung her away from him. ‘I don’t want to kiss you,’ the words were wrung from him. ‘I could shake you until your teeth rattle, but I don’t want to kiss you! You might as well have died with your husband for all the feeling there is in you,’ he added cruelly.

‘I wish I had,’ she choked. ‘I wish to God I had!’

She heard the door slam as he left, then slowly turned to face an empty room. She crumpled down on to the carpeted floor, sobbing hysterically. She might claim to have no feelings, but Leon Masters was making her live again, dragging her forcibly out of her living hell, and it was much more painful than the limbo in which she had existed the last two years.

’More coffee?’ Jenny asked her over breakfast on Monday morning, a breakfast that for Helen had consisted only of coffee.

‘No, thanks,’ she replied absently. ‘I—I have to be going in a minute. I don’t want to be late to work.’

‘Just once wouldn’t hurt. You look as if another cup of coffee wouldn’t come amiss.’

Helen grimaced. ‘I could probably do with a whole potful,’ she stood up, ‘but I have to finish getting ready.’

‘I really didn’t know he was coming here,’ Jenny said in a rush. ‘At least, not until we’d already got under way and I realised he wasn’t on board.’

Helen took great interest in combing her wavy shoulder-length hair. ‘It’s quite all right, Jenny. He didn’t stay long.’

‘Long enough to upset you all over again. You were only just starting to get over the previous Saturday. You were like a ghost when I got in.’

‘I was fine,’ Helen lied. ‘And I don’t think Mr Masters will be bothering me again. A chase is fine, but an out-and-out battle is too much like hard work,’ she said lightly. ‘And with me it would be a battle.’

‘Maybe he just isn’t the one for you.’ Jenny bit thoughtfully into her toast. ‘He is a bit overpowering, and maybe a little too old and experienced. But you do need someone in your life, Helen, someone you can care about.’

‘Why?’

‘Because—well, because everyone needs love.’

’I don’t. At least, not that type of love. And I don’t believe that what Leon Masters wanted from me had anything to do with love—of any kind. He only came here to tell me that he wanted me— wanted me, Jenny, nothing else.’

‘Well … it’s a start.’

Helen shook her head. ‘Not for me.’

Jenny sighed; ‘No, I suppose not.’

Helen frowned. ‘Aren’t you going to get ready for work?’ Her cousin was still in her dressing-gown and it was already a quarter to nine.

Jenny grinned. ‘Brent’s given me the day off for being a good girl.’

‘Oh yes?’ Helen queried suggestively.