Cynthia Thomason - A Boy To Remember

“I’m kind of in a pickle, Mama,” Alex said. “It’s about what happened eighteen years ago, the thing I told you and Daddy about.” Alex sighed, gathered her thoughts as if the words she was about to say really mattered to the person hearing them. “You and Daddy were both so caring when I came to you with my problem. You didn’t pressure me to tell you the name of my baby’s father. You let me keep my secret. And you didn’t argue when I said I wanted the baby.

“I loved you for your understanding then, and I still love you for it today.” Drawing a deep breath, Alex continued. “But I saw him, Mama. I saw Lizzie’s father. I never expected to, and now I don’t know what to do. He’s a decent man. He’s accomplished and well liked and—” Alex let a small smile precede her next words “—I have to say he’s quite good-looking in that tall, dark and handsome way we Foster women have always been drawn to.”

Alex leaned closer to the bed and lowered her voice. “The thing is, Mama, Lizzie has met him, too, and she likes him. So you can see what a muddle this all is. Lizzie misses Teddy so much, which is why this is so hard. If only things were different. This man could never take Teddy’s place. No one can fill the void left by Teddy in Lizzie’s life. And even if it were possible, I can never tell her. Not now. Not ever. Lizzie would never forgive me.”

Alex scrubbed away a tear she realized had spilled onto her cheek. “I thought I was doing the right thing all those years ago. This man...and I still won’t tell you his name...” Alex chuckled at the absurdity of her words.

“He wasn’t a Fox Creek boy, not that it would have mattered to you and Daddy. He came from a good middle-class family. His parents both worked and he had a job at his father’s place from the age of thirteen on. He was his family’s pride, their hope for the future. Circumstances weren’t as easy for him as you and Daddy made them for me. He scrimped and saved for college and now has made a name for himself. He couldn’t have done that if I’d saddled him with a baby, and I have a pretty strong hunch that he wouldn’t have allowed Daddy to support him.”

She gently squeezed her mother’s hand. “He wouldn’t be where he is today if I’d made him marry me, Mama. In fact...and this is what hurt the most at the time... I don’t believe he even loved me, at least not the way you and Daddy taught us about love. Oh, he liked me well enough. He even called a few times. But the bottom line is, I screwed up, Mama. One time, but I’ll never be sorry. Not as long as I have Lizzie. I would do anything to keep my daughter’s love and respect.”

She bent over the mattress and kissed her mother’s cheek. “Thanks for listening, Mama. You always do, and even if you don’t know it, it always helps. I know I can never make this right, not with Lizzie, not with Dan...” She stopped herself. “I would lose too much, more than I already have, and I can’t risk it.”

As if hearing her words for the first time, Alex paused before saying, “Does this seem selfish to you, Mama? Maybe it is, but Lizzie is all I have left.” She thought of Daniel and realized that he would probably never be more to her than a faded memory from her past. “And all I’ll ever have,” she added.

Alex stood and went to the window. “Jude is riding this morning,” she said. “She is beautiful on that horse, Mama, just like you were. I think of the three of us, Jude is most like you, and I’m thankful every day that your light still shines through her.”

She sat again in the chair, picked up a book and began to read aloud until the nurse arrived.

* * *

AT FOUR O’CLOCK Alex drove to the Red Barn Theater to pick up Lizzie. She no longer thought about avoiding Daniel. In the past week she’d realized that he could be anywhere, doing who-knew-what good deeds for the community and his father. He was on a monthlong hiatus from the senate, and she would have to adjust to seeing him around the area.

Like she did when she entered the theater.

Her breath caught. In faded jeans and a T-shirt, he looked so like the boy she once knew. Only today he wasn’t wearing the ball cap, and his hair, slightly long for a politician with aspirations, reached to his crew neck and fell over his brow. Maybe this was his idea of “hiatus hair.” Whatever, it worked, and Alex reminded herself to remain aloof.

“Hi, Mom!” Lizzie called from the stage, where she was stapling material to a backdrop. Alex never knew her daughter was adept with a staple gun, but then, Lizzie probably never knew that herself until now.

Alex stayed at the back of the theater and waved. Daniel looked up from a project he was working on, smiled and continued with his job. He didn’t call out to her. Maybe he’d gotten the message yesterday. That was good, wasn’t it? So why was Alex disappointed?

Lizzie put down the stapler and came off the stage. “I tried to call you,” she said when she reached Alex. “I wanted to ask you if I could stay later today. We’re all sort of in a groove here with the set. I’d like to help out.”

Alex took her phone from her pocket and checked the screen. Yes, Lizzie had tried to call and somehow Alex had missed it. “How much longer do you want to stay?” she asked.

“Probably nine or so.”

“So long? But dinner...”

“It’s no problem. Glen is going to order pizza.” She leaned close. “And besides, Daniel just got here a few minutes ago, and he’s promised to give me some acting lessons later.”

Alex couldn’t keep her attention from darting to the stage again. Daniel was deep into his work and didn’t look up. She might not even have been there.

“Isn’t he just the coolest guy?” Lizzie said. “So handsome.”

Alex forced her gaze back to her daughter. Lizzie and Daniel together another five hours? So not a good idea. “I wouldn’t know about that. What I do know is that I’m not too keen on going home for five hours and then coming back out on these dark roads to pick you up.”

“Oh, please, Mom. Glen says Daniel is the best. He can really help me with my part. You have to let me stay.” Lizzie smiled in that little-girl way that always earned her mother’s sympathy. “Can’t Auntie Jude ride out here with you later so you won’t be alone?”

Now Alex felt like a simpering weakling. “I won’t need Jude. I’ll come back. But be outside at nine. I don’t want to have to come in after you.”

“I’ll be ready. And thanks. Can you imagine? A former actor and a state senator helping me? It’s way cooler than anything!”

It’s downright scary, Alex thought. Introducing Lizzie to Glen had seemed such a good idea. She didn’t know she’d also be introducing her little girl to her fa— Don’t go there, Alex.

Thankfully, Lizzie had always had a good head on her shoulders, but Alex felt she had to say something now. “Just don’t lose sight of your future, young lady,” she said. “When the summer is over, it’s over. No more acting gigs, no more hanging out in theaters. It’s college time.”

“I know that!” Lizzie darted away, heading back to the stage. “See you later, Mom.”

Alex returned to her car. A sinking feeling settled in her stomach as she started the engine. Her daughter had just called her biological father the coolest guy. Hadn’t Alex thought that herself about Daniel some years ago? This was going to be a long five hours and an even longer few weeks.

* * *

AT NINE O’CLOCK Alex pulled into the theater parking lot. Her daughter and Daniel were sitting on a flower box next to the front door. A single light illuminated their faces. The only other car in the lot was a Ford SUV, probably Daniel’s. Glen and the other volunteers had obviously gone home. Alex stared at the two of them a moment while trying to control the pounding of her heart.