Patricia Johns - A Boy's Christmas Wish

“But you told me that being a stepmother was too much for you,” he countered.

Beth sighed. “Being a stepmother is hard, Danny. You aren’t the mom that child remembers, and yet there you are doing the hard work. It is a big thing to ask. Starting a family together is a whole lot different than stepping into a role with a child already there—all set up to hate you.”

“He was three,” Danny said, his voice low. “He wasn’t going to hate you.”

He’d been young, that was true. But Lana had been part of the picture, too. She was that child’s real mom, and she’d be back—at least that’s what Lana told her when Beth talked to her on the phone later. She’d be back. That little boy and his mom complicated everything.

Danny returned to his sweeping. Beth unbuttoned her coat and scanned the ceiling. She spotted the dangling cord attached to the attic trapdoor. It was on the far side of the store, and she headed over there while Dan cleaned.

Beth reached for the cord, but could only swipe it with her fingertips. She’d need something to stand on. She looked around and saw a stepladder. She grabbed it and planted it under the attic door. Beth put her foot on the first rung. Her balance was different these days, and this being a stepladder, she wouldn’t be able to hold on to anything while she climbed. She stepped up another rung and reached up toward the cord.

“What are you doing?” Danny’s voice was suddenly right next to her, and she teetered, her heart flying into her mouth. She felt the stepladder shift under her foot, and as she came down, his strong arms clamped around her. Her breath whooshed out of her lungs, and she was left gasping for breath.

She scrambled to get her feet under her again, and as she did, Danny let go of her, scowling down at her.

“Thanks,” she breathed, trying to catch her breath again. Her heart still hammered in her throat. That had been close.

“I don’t have the insurance to cover a pregnant woman climbing stepladders! What were you doing?”

“The attic trapdoor,” she said, pointing upward feebly. “I wanted to get up there.”

It seemed mildly foolhardy now, but what was she supposed to do?

“You could have asked!” Danny didn’t seem to be calming down at all, and he reached up and pulled down the trapdoor. A ladder unfolded and landed on the tiled floor with a thunk.

“Thank you,” she said with a faint smile. “Much appreciated.”

“So you’re climbing that ladder?” His tone didn’t hide exactly what he thought of that idea, and that baleful glare hadn’t abated, either.

“Danny, I need to get something down from there.” She shook her head. “Instead of yelling at me, maybe you could give me a hand.”

That was about as close to asking as he was going to get. Danny muttered something under his breath, which she should probably be grateful she hadn’t heard. “What are you looking for?” he asked.

“The star for our Christmas tree...and whatever else is up there, I guess.”

Danny started up the ladder, his head quickly disappearing into the attic. He was a tall man, and solid. She’d noticed how the last five years had changed him. He was tougher now, more muscled.

“So have you been this daring your whole pregnancy?” His voice was muffled.

“Yes.” Up until quite recently, she’d been on her own in Edmonton. There hadn’t been much choice. There was more muttering, this time a little less under his breath, and he handed down a small box.

“Is this it?”

She reached up to grab the box and opened it. “Yes, thanks. This is it.”

Danny came back down the ladder. “I’ll bring the rest down later. It looks like some old stashes of cups for the slushie machine, though.”

Danny still looked annoyed.

“Danny, I’m sorry I left like I did. I should have stayed for more closure, I guess. I don’t know what to say.”

She’d ticked him off, that much was clear, and he was silent for a couple of beats.

“Be more careful, Beth,” he said, then pushed the ladder back up into the attic, perhaps to keep her from getting any more ideas about climbing up there. He also scooped up the stepladder. But Beth wasn’t oblivious to the dangers around here. Nor was she ungrateful for his quick catch. If she’d fallen, she could have badly hurt herself, or worse, the baby.

“Danny?”

He turned back, and for a moment he was the old Danny with those soulful eyes and the chiseled jaw.

“Thank you for catching me.”

“Yeah...” He stomped back over to the corner and picked up his broom again. “No problem.”

Her heart was still hammering faster than usual, and if forced, she’d admit that her near fall had scared her worse than she let on. Pregnancy wasn’t easy, and it was harder still to be facing it alone. She rubbed her hand over her stomach.

She didn’t have a husband to humor her or keep her from overexerting herself. She didn’t have that loving, watchful spouse to care if she stretched too far or had a craving for ice cream at ten at night. And while she was a grown woman perfectly capable of caring for herself, she knew that she was more vulnerable right now. But giving in to that vulnerability wouldn’t help anything. She was on her own now, and she’d be on her own after this baby was born. She’d better get used to it.

“I think I’ll head back,” Beth said.

“Beth, I didn’t mean to bark at you.” Danny scrubbed a hand through his hair.

“I know,” she said. “It’s okay.”

“You just scared me. That’s all. Sorry.”

She’d scared him? His angry outburst had been covering fear for her safety?

“It’s okay,” she repeated. “I should probably get out of your way.”

He didn’t answer, which meant that her instinct was right, and he could use his space. Beth turned toward the door. When she glanced back, she found Danny’s brooding gaze fixed on her. He didn’t look away, and she was the one to turn and pull open the door.

“See you,” he said, and she stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

The tables had turned here in North Fork. Linda was gone, and Danny was on top. Beth, as she always had been, was stuck somewhere in the middle... Not family enough for her father, not daughter enough for Linda, and not enough of whatever it would have taken for Danny to come clean and tell her his whole story. Frankly, she was tired of not being enough, and now that she had a little girl on the way, she was determined to be mom enough for one tiny person.

* * *

DAN STOOD IN his kitchen that evening making grilled cheese sandwiches. His house wasn’t large, but it had a garage and a decent yard for Luke to play in. When he bought the place two years ago, it had even come with a trampoline, much to Luke’s delight.

Dan could see the trampoline from the light that spilled into the backyard from his kitchen window, and it was covered in a soft layer of snow. He was hoping it would survive another year, because he couldn’t afford to replace it.

He was still annoyed with Beth, and it had taken him a few hours of brooding in the store before he worked out why. It was because she sparked that protective instinct in him. She needed a bit of special treatment right now, whether she deserved it or not, and he couldn’t provide it. And because she was pregnant, he felt obliged to do something to make things easier for her, even though what he really wanted to do was open up that can of worms with her—she’d walked out on him when he needed her most. She’d betrayed his trust, too! She’d broken his heart and left him floundering with a three-year-old who cried for his mother and to whom Dan was a stranger.

He’d needed her, and what were vows for if they didn’t count in the hard times? She’d been willing to marry him, so what would have happened if Lana had come a couple of weeks later—would she have still walked out? And if not, what made a week before those vows any different? They were supposed to be saying what was in their hearts already—publicly stating an already existing commitment to each other...or so he’d thought. So yeah, she was pregnant and alone, but she’d done wrong by him five years ago, and he couldn’t even address it with her. Only a complete idiot upset a pregnant woman.