Helen R. - The Pregnancy Plan / Hope's Child

Ashley put together a platter of assorted crackers and cheeses and they took it out onto the porch with the wine.

“I don’t know why you’re paying rent on an apartment in Syracuse when you’ve been spending so much time in Pinehurst lately,” Ashley said to her.

“I’m only here on the weekends,” her cousin replied, glossing over the real issue. “Because it’s too far to commute to the office every day.”

“Seriously, Paige, what happened to your social life?”

Her cousin shrugged. “Things fizzled with Josh. Ben met someone else. As for Lucas—well, I realized I wasn’t secure enough to date a guy who’s prettier than me.”

Ashley had met Lucas once, and while she had to admit the man was unbelievably good-looking, she knew that her cousin’s serial dating was really a reflection of the nomadic childhood that had taught her, at an early age, not to form close attachments to people who wouldn’t be in her life for very long. The pattern had changed only when Paige’s father decided she needed more stability than his lifestyle afforded and finally left his daughter in the care of his sister and her husband. Ashley and Megan had forged an unbreakable bond with their cousin, but by habit or deliberation, she continued to keep everyone else at a distance.

“Is that why you’re here?” Ashley asked her now. “Because you had nothing better to do on a Friday night? Or because you were worried that I was going to fall apart?”

“You’re not the falling apart type,” Paige said, with such conviction Ashley almost believed her.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Seriously, you’ve dealt with a lot in the past six months and stood up through it all.”

“I had a minor meltdown on Wednesday,” she admitted, reaching for her glass. Thankfully the Fedentropin trial didn’t prohibit the consumption of alcohol, and the wine she’d drank was already helping smooth the roughest of the edges.

“When you found out Cam had a child? Or when you learned that your sister’s pregnant?”

“It was probably a combination of both.”

Paige nodded and set a slice of blue cheese on a rye cracker.

“I’m happy for Megan and Gage,” she said. “And I’m thrilled about the baby.”

“I know you are,” Paige agreed.

“I just want to know when it’s going to happen for me. When is it going to be my turn?”

“What happened to your appointment at the clinic?”

“I got bumped,” she grumbled. “The doctor had some kind of emergency.”

Her cousin smiled. “I think that’s the nature of the medical field.”

“I know. It just seems like one more detour sign on a road that’s been littered with them.”

“What kind of sign is Cam?”

Ashley sipped from her glass again. “Dead end.”

“Are you sure about that?” Paige asked. “Because if I’m not mistaken, that’s him walking up your driveway.”

Ashley set down her glass before she spilled the contents all over herself. “Don’t you dare leave—”

But Paige was already on her feet, reaching for the tray of snacks. “I’ll just go refresh this.” She turned and smiled at the uninvited guest who had stepped up onto the porch. “Hello, Cam,” she said, then slipped into the house before he could even respond.

Cam glanced at the closed door, then at Ashley. “Did I say something wrong?”

She didn’t smile at his attempted humor. “Not yet.”

He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I just came over to apologize.”

“What, exactly, are you apologizing for?”

“For not telling you that I had a child.”

She lifted a shoulder. “You don’t owe me any apologies, Cam.”

“I didn’t mean to blindside you.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” he insisted. “Maybe I figured you would have heard about Maddie a long time ago, but I shouldn’t have counted on that, and I should have given you the courtesy of an explanation.”

“No explanation required. You dumped me, met someone else, got married, had a child.”

“It wasn’t quite that simple.”

“I’d say it was exactly that simple.”

“I’m not going to apologize for not wanting what you did when I was nineteen,” Cam said. “Because any nineteen-year-old who wants to marry his high school sweetheart is either blinded by lust or completely without ambition. I’d apologize for hurting you because I was insensitive jerk, but I’ve already done that and I’m tired of trekking down the same path.”

“Then you can just follow the path right back to your own house,” she said coldly.

He shook his head. “That would be the easy way, and I’m not taking the easy way again.”

“It’s a way out,” she said. “And that’s all you ever wanted.”

“Wrong. I wanted you, Ashley. I wanted you a hell of a lot more than I should have at that age, and it terrified me.”

“Obviously you got over it.”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But that’s the real bitch of it—because I never did.”

“You married another woman. Had a child with another woman.” Her voice hitched, and she hated him for it. Hated him for the pain she felt every time she thought about the baby he’d given to someone else.

Cam lowered himself into the chair that Paige had vacated. “I married Danica because I thought we wanted the same things. By the time I realized I was wrong, it was too late. We were married, she was pregnant, and even knowing our marriage was a mistake, I wouldn’t wish it away for anything in the world because I got Maddie out of it.”

Ashley looked away. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? All I ever wanted was to get married and have a family, and you ran as far and as fast as you could from me because you weren’t ready to make that kind of commitment.”

“Twelve years ago, I wasn’t ready,” he agreed, then smiled wryly. “There are still days that I’m not ready, but Madeline doesn’t really give me a choice in the matter.”

Ashley didn’t smile back, but she did ask, “So how did you end up with custody?”

Cam realized he should have been prepared for the question; Ashley certainly wasn’t the first person to ask it. Because although the courts no longer awarded custody to mothers as a matter of course and shared custody arrangements were increasingly popular, it was still somewhat unusual for a father to be granted primary care of a child.

He’d always felt awkward explaining the situation, and he’d resented having to make excuses for what he’d believed for so long was simply his ex-wife’s disinterest. He knew differently now, but he still didn’t know how to make anyone else understand without sharing secrets that weren’t his to share.

“Staying with me offered Madeline more stability,” he finally responded to Ashley’s question. “Especially since Danica was already planning to move to London.”

Ashley frowned as she sipped her wine. “And she was okay with that arrangement? She just moved to another continent and left her child behind?”

“We agreed it was best for Maddie.”

“Does Maddie see her very often?”

“Not as often, or as consistently, as I’d like,” he admitted. “But she did spend the last month of her summer vacation in London with her.”

“So why didn’t you mention your daughter to me the night you came over here?”

“You mean the night I kissed you?”

“I mean the night you brought pizza,” she clarified, as if the kiss was irrelevant.

But he could tell by the color that infused her cheeks that it wasn’t irrelevant at all, and that she remembered that kiss as clearly as he did. And as much as he wanted to kiss her again, to prove that the attraction between them was still very relevant, his real purpose in coming here tonight had been to clear the air, not to cloud it further.