Earl Sewell - The Keysha Diaries, Volume One

“Why did you even come around here looking for me?” he snapped at me as if the very sight of me irritated him like a bad skin rash.

“Don’t you bark at me like that,” I shouted back at him. “I thought you’d missed me and I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself. So, what happened between us, Ronnie?” I asked straight out.

“I’ve already told you. It’s over between us. You’re playing too many games, girl. I’m just not into you anymore.”

“But why? What did I do?”

“You’re crazy for starters,” Ronnie said and then was silent for a long moment as I waited for him to elaborate. “Look, you just need to forget you even know me. In fact, just erase my name and face out of your memory.”

“How can you say that to me? After all we’ve been through? You told me you loved me and no matter what we’d be together. You promised me, Ronnie, you promised me that you’d never hurt my heart.” I raised my voice at him. I couldn’t help it because my heart was hurting. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t seen each other in two months, my heart was still broken and I wanted an explanation.

“Look, girl!” he said, pointing his index finger at me as if it was a weapon.

“Oh, now I’m just some girl?” Whenever I got upset about something, no matter how calm I tried to be my voice would always express how I truly felt. “Get your finger out of my face.” I quickly grabbed his index finger and tried to twist it off his hand. I wanted to hurt him at that moment. I wanted him to feel the heartache and pain I felt. We tussled for a moment before he broke free of my grip.

“You need to leave, Keysha. I’m not playing with you. Go on back home to your mama.”

“So what are you saying, Ronnie?”

“Keysha, I’m through with you. What part of that isn’t getting through your thick skull?”

“How can you just turn your feelings for me off like that? I mean, I thought about how I felt about you every day. I even called you after the incident and left messages for you asking you to call me back so we could talk but you didn’t. I even called you when I found out that I had to move away for a while. I thought for sure you’d at least want to know where I was being shipped off to but you never contacted me.” I was pleading my case. I reminded him of my good-faith efforts to stick by his side. I was hoping that he’d feel some sense of guilt.

“Keysha, I’m just not feeling you like that anymore. You were cool for a minute but then you started smothering me. You called me too much, you didn’t like it when I wanted to hang out with my friends instead of you. On top of that you’re too bossy. I just can’t get down with a girl that acts crazy and bossy all of the time. You need to roll out and leave me alone.”

“Okay, I’ll change. Will that help?” I asked, hoping to find the words he wanted to hear.

“No, just leave me alone, all right.” Ronnie finally put away his cellular phone. “I’ve just erased your name, number and special ring tone from my phone. It’s been real,” he said and then turned his back and walked toward his building.

“I hate you, Ronnie!” I shouted out as loudly as I could. I wanted everyone within the sound of my voice to know how upset I was. I suddenly didn’t care about making a public scene.

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t come around here looking for me anymore,”he said as he entered his building. At that moment rage pumped through my blood and I rushed into the building behind him. I grabbed a fistful of his pretty braided hair and tried to snatch it out of his head. He reached back and put his hand over my fist and tried to pry it away.

“Let go of my hair, Keysha!” he shouted out as we scuffled. At that moment I heard the door to his apartment open. Ronnie’s mother came into the hallway above us on the next landing.

“Let him go before I call the police on you!” she screamed at me. Part of me didn’t care if I went to jail but another part of me did. I held on to his hair for a moment longer and then yanked really hard, ripping his hair from his skull.

“Get out!” his mother commanded me. She was much larger than I was and for all my spunk I knew I was no match for her. “And don’t let me catch you back around here anymore. Do you understand me?”

I rushed out of the building before Ronnie or his mother could come within arm’s length of me. Once I got outside, I ran as fast as I could. I wanted to get away from them. In many ways, I wanted to run away from myself, but I knew that was impossible. When I finally stopped running, I was a good four blocks away. I decided to rest on a bus bench so I could catch my breath. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my thighs as I waited for my breathing to regulate. For a moment, I thought about crying but I couldn’t summon up any tears because I was too angry. My life was so messed up. I swear, sometimes I wondered if some mythical witch or wizard placed a curse on me. I swept my fingers through my hair as I mulled over my situation. My mother, Justine, was crazy as well as pregnant. I had to admit that it tripped me out when she admitted she was going to have a baby. Justine is a real piece of work. In fact, her brain should probably be donated to science because her thought process is completely twisted. My mom became pregnant with me when she was very young. She acts more like my girlfriend than my mom. She cares more about partying than she does about keeping a roof over our heads, a decent job or food on the table. Sometimes, well most times, we fought and argued with one another. I didn’t like her because she didn’t act her age and in some ways resented the day I was born. At least that’s the way I felt.

A bus stopped in front of me, and the driver opened the door thinking that I wanted to get on. I looked at him for a moment and then waved him on. I sat upright on the bench and glanced at the green and white street sign. I was at the corner of Chicago and Laramie Avenues, which meant that I was in the heart of the hood. My mom and I were staying in a basement apartment a few blocks up. I hated the place. It was run-down, dirty and infested with roaches and rats. It was nothing like my Aunt Estelle’s home. She had a beautiful high-rise apartment overlooking Lake Michigan. I used to live there with her husband, Dr. Richard Vincent, my Grandmother Rubylee and my cousin Nathan. It was nice living in such a grand place, but that all changed because my Grandmother Rubylee, who was crazier than my mom, was stealing money out of Richard’s bank account. She got caught by the police and is serving time for her crime. Shortly after my Grandmother Rubylee was arrested, my Aunt Estelle passed away, and that pretty much ended the welcome of Justine and me in Dr. Vincent’s home. All of that happened about two months ago, right around the time I caught Ronnie at the movie theater with some girl.

* * *

I decided it was time to get up off the bus bench before I started to look like a female version of Forrest Gump. As I continued on my way home, I thought about school, which would be starting soon, but I wasn’t looking forward to it, especially since my mother didn’t have money for back-to-school gear. I knew kids were going to talk about me walking around in last year’s fashions. I was real self-conscious when it came to fashion and my appearance. My face was filled with pimples and my hair was overprocessed from doing one too many home perms. I thought my nose was too big, my butt was too big, my breasts were too small and my legs were too skinny. I was thinking about my situation and self-image so hard that I actually walked past my apartment building and had to turn around and go back. The building was a large red brick structure with three separate entrances. I had to walk down the block a little ways to the very last entrance, which was near an alley and vacant lot where alley mechanics liked to park their hoopty-mobiles and work on them while they drank alcohol. If they couldn’t get their cars running they’d just leave them there until they could. From time to time, if the cars sat too long, eventually parts would come up missing. The entrance to my building wasn’t secure at all. The landlord got tired of putting locks on the doors because tenants or their guests continually kicked in the door to gain entrance. I think people did that sort of thing because they didn’t have much else to do. I was about to enter the vestibule of the building when I heard someone call my name.