HelenKay Dimon - Everything You Need To Know

“Yeah, there was nothing on sex.”

“You made it to date three, right? I would think that means you have better things to do at night than read.” When Elle had gone out on the first date, Jordan had felt a tiny kick of jealousy. She wanted to be attracted to the scholarly buttoned-up type, but she had the misfortune of loving a bad-boy streak.

Now, combine buttoned-up and naughty, and her control went on the fritz. She didn’t know how any sane woman walked by that type without giving a second look.

Of course, the seeds for her feelings on men were not a secret. She hadn’t spent time in therapy, but she knew. Not that she couldn’t use an expert now and then, but she feared after a few hours of talking about her upbringing she’d need a lifetime pass.

Her mother liked men. Liked men the way little kids liked cookies. To say mom overindulged would be an understatement. The way Jordan figured it, her front seat to her mom’s dating life should have made her prim or promiscuous. It was a miracle she didn’t head for either extreme.

“There will not be a fourth date with the professor.” Elle kept her head down and her focus on the stem of her wineglass.

No eye contact, cryptic—not good signs, so Jordan poked around a little. “Why?”

Elle smacked her lips together and made a strange sucking sound. “Shaved.”

Between the noise and the word Jordan decided she missed a sentence. Maybe more than one. “Excuse me?”

“He doesn’t have any body hair.”

“You’re saying—”

“None. I thought he didn’t have hair on his legs because he was a runner, like it was some athlete thing. But, nowhere.”

The visual image that flashed through Jordan made her a little dizzy in a forget-about-eating kind of way. Also made her wish for a temporary case of blindness. “Wait, you mean, not anywhere on his body? Like, really none.”

“Yep.”

And—boom—there was the weirdness thing.

But for some reason Jordan couldn’t let it go. “Legs, arms and—”

“Nothing around his dick, either.” Elle started nodding and didn’t stop. “He shaved or waxed his private parts. Head-to-toe smooth like a baby. Try to imagine that.”

Jordan doubted she’d be able to stop thinking about it. “So, he basically looked like a Ken doll?”

“With a tiny dick. Exactly.”

Figures. “How tiny?”

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

Jordan understood that. She had a line of forgettable dates behind her, but at least they all had the normal amount of body hair. She never dreamed she’d have to worry about that. Now she would. “Well, congratulations. He tops the guy I dated who stole my underwear.”

“Since that guy took your bikini bottoms only and a pair at a time, then stored them in a baggie in his freezer, no you still win the Creepy Dude prize.”

Jordan had blocked the freezer part. Huh, it all came rushing back now. “He was one giant nut bag.”

“One of many.”

“You do realize the last three guys I dated can be described as the guy-who-only-talked-about-his-dog, the guy-who-stole-my-underwear and the guy-who-lied-about-being-single.” And how depressing was that list of potential mates? “Maybe I should spend a little more time reading the site before I say yes to a date.”

“Or maybe a few nights with someone like Forest ‘Hot Between The Sheets’ Redder is the answer to your troubles.”

No way was Jordan diving into that conversation. She decided to start a new one and hope Elle somehow uncharacteristically came along. “So, did you get all the new status-report information entered?”

“Are we done with this topic?”

“I’m not sure how we even started it.”

Elle nodded in the direction of Jordan’s lap. “Did your mom text today?”

Jordan scooped up her cell and entered the unlock code. The thing had buzzed three times during the commute home. Jordan tensed as she read the most recent text. The stiffness eased out of her shoulders when she realized this one was G-rated. “She’s going dancing and will text tomorrow with a report.”

“Lucky you.”

Not that Jordan had a choice but to hear the after-date tale. Her mom texted every day and overshared. This week the topic was a guy named Lin. He’d taken her to the Bahamas to relax, though why her mom needed rest was a mystery. She didn’t work, unless you counted hunting down new men to marry as a job, which her mom did.

Elle gripped the armrest now. “Back up a second.”

“I don’t want to think about the Ken doll, or my mom, or my mom with a Ken doll.” The last one made Jordan want to discontinue her phone service.

“Forest. You’re saying you’re never going to see him again?”

“Not unless I get a temp job in his office or otherwise need to confirm a report, which sounds like—with all his rules—can only happen with the approval of the Supreme Court.”

“Think of working with him as an opportunity for desk sex.” Elle smiled as she said it.

Jordan knew she’d have that on her brain all night now. “Back to work.”

“Did you bring me dinner?”

Finally, a safe topic. No men, no mom, no underwear and no hair. “Already ordered. After all, we’re celebrating.”

“What?”

That one was easy. “Me never having to work for, let alone think about, Ryan Peterson again.”

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