Louise Allen - Snowbound Wedding Wishes

But that was part of the price, too. And she had written three times and been rejected. So, no more false hope. One large tear plopped into the stock. ‘Stop it,’ Emilia said out loud.

‘Stop what?’ asked Hugo’s deep, concerned voice.

‘Stop being foolish,’ she snapped back as she peered into the jar of peppercorns and estimated how many she could afford to grind up for the soup. It kept her face turned from him, too. ‘Where are Joseph and Nathan?’

‘Checking on the animals and taking Ajax a bucket of mash. They offered,’ he added, coming fully into the room and leaning his broad shoulders back against the door. ‘I was not trying to get them out of the way, although it is convenient, I have to admit, for we need to talk. I should not have touched you. I do not know what came over me, which is hardly original or convincing, or even an excuse.’

‘I am not a loose woman,’ Emilia said with painful clarity, her eyes focused on a jar of pickled mushrooms. ‘I have only ever slept with my husband. I wanted to be held and I suppose you could tell that. I apologise for not making it clear that no such thing must happen.’

‘Damn it.’ Hugo was at her side in two long strides. He took the jar from her hands and banged it down on the table. ‘I do not need telling that you are virtuous. Nor do I need telling that your reputation in this hamlet is precious. I am on my way home, intending to seek and woo a wife.’

There was only the corner of the table and a large jar of pickles between them. Somehow she had to fight. ‘It seems to be something other than your good intentions in control,’ she said drily.

He gave a painful snort of laughter and pulled her round the table, setting the pickle jar rocking, and held her tight against him. ‘You think that desire drives me? You are an attractive woman, you feel good in my arms and my body sends me messages about more than holding you. I can ignore that. What I find it hard to ignore is the ache in my chest and the need for my arms to be around you.’

His cheek was pressed against her hair again. They were just the right height for that, Emilia thought hazily as she hung on to as much solid man as she could get her arms around. ‘You are sorry for me, that’s all,’ she muttered into the rough homespun shirt that smelled of her soap and his skin.

‘I am sorry for a lot of people, from the Prime Minister to beggars in the gutter,’ Hugo growled. ‘I do not have the urge to cuddle any of them.’

For a second, a blissful second, she relaxed against him, her soft curves fitting with erotic rightness against his hard angles. Then she felt his body harden into arousal, unmistakable against her stomach, and she pushed him, hard in the centre of his chest. For a second she thought he would not release her, she could almost feel decency and desire warring in him, and then he opened his arms and stepped back.

‘It seems you cannot control your desires as well as you boast, Major,’ she said, her voice unsteady.

‘Emilia…Hell, the boys are coming.’

‘You have ears like a cat,’ Emilia said as her sons burst into the kitchen. She pulled the greased paper off the jar of pickled mushrooms and delved in with a spoon to find enough to go in the soup. ‘Quietly, boys. Go and wash and clear your work off the table.’

It was like being two people. One was the sensible, hard-working mother and alewife who was capable of carrying on calmly despite chance-met travellers, snowdrifts or anything else life threw at her. The other was a yearning, passionate creature who wanted to be loved and held and to share joy and troubles with someone who understood.

But of course Hugo Travers did not understand. He was a gentleman, someone of sufficient standing to take part in the London Season when he searched for a wife. He was also was gallant and sympathetic and grateful for the shelter. And not averse to embracing a woman, a cold whisper of common sense told her. Perhaps he had hoped to see if she responded by lifting her face to be kissed and then he would not have been so gentlemanly. Or perhaps he needed hugging, too , the trusting part of her countered. It might have begun as a hug, but it almost got out of control .

Emilia ladled out soup and they sat down. Hugo already knew his way around her kitchen, she could see, for he had found the bread and was cutting it. She had the sense that he was used to moving from billet to billet with the army, settling in and making himself at home wherever he found himself. He was acting as though nothing had happened—she must match his control.

‘You’ll have business tonight,’ he said as he passed her a slice. ‘Either the result of a strong thirst from shovelling or a wish to check on the stranger under your roof. Your neighbours are protective.’

‘Were they hostile?’ she asked, anxious that he had been insulted.

‘No. They were reserved, but they made it quite obvious that they were watching. Your smith in particular wished to make it clear that he will dismantle me with his bare hands if there is anything amiss.’

‘I nursed his wife last year when she was sick,’ Emilia explained. ‘Joseph, why are you opening and shutting your mouth like a gudgeon?’

‘Why would Mr Cartwright hit the major, Mama?’

‘In case the major is a dangerous rogue in disguise. He might be here to rob us of all the gold sovereigns under the floorboards and our wonderful silver tableware.’ She swept a hand round to illustrate the horn beakers, the pewter plates, the earthenware jugs. The boys collapsed in giggles.

‘It is a good thing we will have some company,’ she added. ‘I want barrels shifting and we need several strong men for that.’ And with the taproom full of people there would be no temptation to look at Hugo, much less yearn for the caresses that were so dangerous.

‘Will you brew again before Christmas?’

Emilia laughed. ‘Of course! This is good weather for it because when it is cold I can control the fermentation better. Besides, we will need plenty for the Christmas celebrations.’

‘But not today.’

She suspected that was an order. ‘No, not today,’ Emilia agreed. ‘I have the housework to catch up with and baking to do.’

Hugo took himself off to the stables while she worked. Probably escaping from the reality of being trapped with two small boys, a never-ending list of menial chores and a foolish woman who cast herself into his arms. He hugged me first , she told herself, sweeping the hearth with unnecessary vigour.

Hugo strode into the stable, stripped the sacks off Ajax’s back and set to with brush and curry comb. The big horse grunted with pleasure at the strength of the strokes and leaned into them.

He had to do something physical. Getting into a fight was the most tempting solution, but there was no one to spar with, only himself to beat up, mentally.

What had he done? He should never have touched her, let alone caressed her, allowed himself to become blatantly aroused. Damn it, he had boasted to her that he could control himself.

Disgusted with himself, Hugo swore, viciously, in Spanish, Portuguese and, for good measure, French. Emilia had pushed him away. Had needed to push him away. That fact alone was shocking. He simply did not behave like this. If he took a mistress, then it was a considered act, properly negotiated like everything else in his life.

She had pushed him away. Rejected him. Of course she did, she’s a decent woman . That did not help. Hell, he wanted her and he wanted her to want him. He should have had some restraint, he was the one with years of disciplined living and trained self-control behind him, he was not the lonely overworked one who should have tumbled into his arms with gratitude.