Swati Sharma - Fashionably Yours

“What are we doing here?” I asked while soaking in the sight of beautifully arranged clothes and shoes in Zara. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. Well, I felt like it every time I entered a showroom full of glittering jewelery, beautiful bags, high towering magical shoes and awe-inspiring clothes. Whenever I found myself in middle of all these sparkly goodies, I felt like as if they were looking at me with innocent eyes and are absolutely dying to have a conversation with me. Don’t get me wrong, but I could talk to clothes for hours and whenever I felt like crying I preferred to shed tears clutching a shoe to my chest rather than sobbing on Anu’s shoulder. Though there was nothing wrong with her shoulder, it certainly wasn’t as sparkly and shiny as a pair of shoes and that faint aroma of leather could calm me more than her assuring arm. Though I was grateful of having a friend like her, I was absolutely thrilled to have whatever significantly-small-but-still-beautiful collection of shoes and clothes I owned. Considering my salary I was lucky that I could at least afford high street brands, which was certainly better than collecting bohemian shoes and clothes from the flea market.

“Shopping!” she clapped her hands and started jumping like a very excited puppy.

“Are you bloody kidding me?” I threw my head back in the air and shirked.

“Why would you think I am kidding?” she eyed me suspiciously as if I was going to jump on her from my spot and bite her ear off.

“Well just to refresh your memory, last time when we went shopping, we learned the heart-ripping reality about me, I am fat now. Hence no clothes are going to fit me here.” I fought the urge to cry.

“You are not fat. God, are you still stuck there? Why don’t you buy just a bigger size and get over it?” she asked nonchalantly. There , that word was once again there, bigger. I didn’t know if I could ever forgive her for using that word for the third time in last two days.

“Anu, I don’t want to have this conversation once again,” I said firmly.

“OK,” she got the hint. “Then why don’t you just buy a new bag or shoes? I am sure you are still the same size in those departments,” she winked playfully.

Though I was tempted to buy a new bag, which God knows I did need more than anything else, letting Anu pay for it didn’t sound right and I for sure couldn’t afford it in my current situation unless I put the bill on my emergency credit card which was safely tucked away under my matress for strictly emergency situations and this, today, didn’t feel like an emergency situation.

“You know what? I don’t want to do any shopping. Let’s go home,” I said in a subdued tone.

“What’s up with you?” she asked with genuine concern.

“I just don’t feel like shopping. Can we go somewhere else?”

Anu looked at me with disbelief but agreed to put off shopping without much ado.

***

“What do you want to have? I am starving!” Anu patted her barely-there stomach while reading through the menu in Treats café and bakery in Bandra.

“Ummmm … I’ll have the skinny salad and the vegetable loaf,” I beamed without even looking at the menu.

I remembered their menu, everything from Banoffee Pie to Rainbow Jar, Red Velvet Tart to French Crepes and Caramel Shortbread to Cupcake Shake. I came across this cosy, little and absolutely beautiful place by accident on a very rainy day last monsoon season and while it poured outside, I sat inside in the comforting buttery aroma and had the most scrumptious meal of my life. But today I had no courage to even think about letting the gooey, sugary goodness passing through my lips. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. In the situation like mine I couldn’t let it happen, not any more.

“No cupcakes?” Anu looked at me through considerably narrowed eyes.

“Err … I guess I’ll stick to the salad and bread. Healthy and tasty,” I wanted to sound excited and confident about my choice of food, but instead I felt nervous under her steely gaze.

“All right,” she nodded slowly before placing the order. Salad and bread for me, cronut and hot chocolate for her. Few minutes later when our order arrived, I started picking through my salad. I manged to get couple of forkfuls down my throat and was actually started to enjoy it. Then I saw the soft, fluffy, creamy custard oozing from the cronut Anu was digging into.

“I can’t do it,” I declared.

“What you can’t do?” Anu looked at me inquisitively.

“All this dieting malarkey, I can’t do it. I don’t care how healthy this salad is, I want that,” I pointed at her plate where the sweet, thick custard was running everywhere.

“Maya,” she looked at me sympathetically. “Who asked you to go on the stupid diet? If getting one dress size up is such a big deal for you then join a gym but don’t deprive yourself of the things you love,” she placed her hand on mine. “And to be honest, you look beautiful with curves in all the right places, no matter what dress size you are,” she said in a very reassuring manner but I knew she was just being nice.

Agreed, I had curves in all the right places but lately those curves had started to resemble dangerously bandy roads.

“You’re probably right. I don’t have to stop eating anything, I just have to figure out the way to get rid of the calories that come with it,” I said excitedly.

A couple of hours later when Anu dropped me off in front on my apartment building, instead of heading to my flat and vanishing under the sheets, I decided to sign up at the gym which was down the road. To be honest I wanted to do it before I could change my mind.

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