Ann Lethbridge - Regency Society

Roxanne held back a sob, her face pale and tense. ‘Luke, I do love you. You must know it. Surely you must have known that night?’

‘I discovered something so sweet in your arms that night,’ he murmured huskily, his arms going about her waist as he pulled her close. ‘Yet I feared it. I fled from you before you woke because I was terrified of letting you discover my vulnerability. I was uncertain whether you truly loved me.’

‘You must have known when I clung to you and held nothing back? Surely you knew then?’

‘Yet you so rarely let your feelings show. You are a clever actress, Roxanne. It might have been an act—and it was not all fear that you did not feel as I did; I was afraid that I would hurt you, destroy you, if I allowed myself to offer you a true marriage. I believed my father shallow and thought I might be as he was, but I misjudged him. He lost the woman he truly loved and married my mother just to have an heir for the earldom. He could never love his wife because his heart was in the grave with his one true love. When I thought you might be dead, I knew just what my father felt, Roxanne. Even had I married for an heir in years to come, I should never have loved another woman. You mean everything to me; if you leave me, I shall have nothing left to give anyone.’

‘Oh, Luke…’ Roxanne’s voice caught and a tear escaped, sliding down her cheek. He wiped it away with his fingertips and then bent to kiss her lips. She gave a little moan and pressed herself against him, melting into him so that he felt as if they were one person, one being. ‘Luke, my dearest. When I recovered my senses I knew all that I had lost and I feared I might never see you again. Shulie believed the prince meant to make me his wife and for a short time I feared he might take me with him whether I wished it or not.’

‘But you admired him. I saw it in your eyes—and there is something different about you…’

‘I know who I am now, Luke. Before I wondered if I might be a thief or worse. I was not sure that I was good enough to be your wife and the mistress of this house.’

‘Grandfather knew you were a lady born. He saw quality—as I did had I the sense to realise it.’

‘Yes, but I did not know. I wanted to be worthy of you, Luke. Now the shadows of the past have gone and I know who and what I am.’

‘The notion of India was more true than you knew?’

‘My father was the prince’s tutor. When my mother died of a fever my father brought me home to live with my aunt and uncle—but her husband was a greedy rogue. When Papa sent me the ruby to keep for him, my aunt saw it and her husband was ready to give me to a man who would have used me for his pleasure and made me work as a whore until I died of some disease. I heard him telling her it was either that or he would kill me himself.’

‘Damn him! If I’d known, I would have killed him myself!’

‘My aunt pleaded with him, but she was frightened of him. I ran away that night. I was afraid he would catch me and I ran and ran for a long time…then I was attacked by a vagrant and after that I became ill and I must have wandered in a daze. I remember now that I told Sofia some of the story when I was ill, just little things about India. I cried for my mother and my ayah.’

‘Why did she not tell you later?’

‘Perhaps because she knew it distressed me to try to remember. She invented the game to try to jog my memory, but it did not work and so she decided that it was best to forget the past. She loved me and wanted to keep me safe. Because she feared for me she tried to keep my past a secret, and that is why no one found me for a long time, even when the prince’s men began to search. When she was ill she told me she was sure I was a lady and that I should sell the ruby and set up with a companion. She hoped I would marry well.’

‘She thought you enamoured of the prince,’ Luke said, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

‘I was but a child when we were friends,’ Roxanne said and smiled at him. ‘Sofia asked me about the prince once, but I could not recall him, though I must have said something to her when I was rambling. When she spoke of him I thought she meant one of her lovers, because when I recovered from the fever I had no memory of anything.’

‘He remembered you. He wanted you.’

‘Then why did he not simply take me? I should have found it difficult to escape had he decided to keep me.’

‘He wanted the ruby more,’ Luke said. ‘He knew that I would never give it up while he had you and that’s why he brought you back to me.’

‘Yes, perhaps, though I believe he understood that I belonged to you. I know he made you angry, but his father was always an honourable man and the prince did what was right in the end.’

‘You may think so, but I cannot excuse the fellow. He had the effrontery to offer to buy you from me,’ Luke said, a grim look on his face. ‘He said that he would pay my price whatever that might be. I told him that you were a pearl beyond price and not for sale.’

‘He tried to buy me from you?’ Roxanne was stunned, incredulous. ‘Is that what made you so angry?’

‘What would you expect? He said that if I was making a marriage of convenience, he would make it worth my while to give you up.’

‘How could he?’ Roxanne felt a surge of anger. ‘He had no right. I am not your property. I am not anyone’s property.’

‘That is the gist of what I told him, though perhaps not quite in those words,’ Luke said. He hesitated, studying her face and trying to read her mind. ‘Can you forgive me, Roxanne? Will you give me another chance?’

‘Are you asking me to marry you?’

‘Yes, of course.’ Luke suddenly dropped on one knee before her, gazing up at her in earnest. ‘Roxanne, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife? I love you and your agreement will make me the happiest man alive.’

She seemed to hesitate for one instant and Luke’s heart sank; then she smiled and inclined her head.

‘Yes, of course I shall, Luke. Please get up. There was no need to kneel to me. All I want is to know that I am truly wanted and loved. I do not require homage, nor shall I tie you to me. You may live as you wish, visit London as often as you choose. I ask only that you love me and return to me when you are ready.’

‘Unless forced by business, I shall never want to leave you for more than a few hours, my darling.’

Luke was on his feet, drawing her into his arms. He crushed her against him, knowing that she must feel the heat and force of his arousal and he held her pressed into his body. He wanted her to know how fierce was his need and his desire.

‘I wanted you from the first moment we met,’ he said hoarsely. ‘At first I thought to make you my mistress, but…’ His hold tightened as he felt her stiffen, pressing her even closer. ‘For a long time now I’ve known that making you my mistress would not serve. I suspect that even when I first asked you to enter a make-believe marriage, I knew somewhere deep inside me that once I had you I should never wish to let you go.’

‘Luke…I hoped, but was never certain…’

‘You do care for me a little? I know I am far from perfect—but you do truly love me?’

Roxanne smiled tenderly. ‘I think I fell in love with you the moment you opened your eyes and looked at me, but I did not admit it until much later. I was afraid that you would never love me—afraid that if you sensed my feelings you would feel trapped.’

‘I did for a short time,’ Luke admitted honestly. ‘I did not want to feel love, because I know that it can bring so much pain. I saw my mother’s misery and my father’s chafing at the bonds that tied him to a woman he did not love. I was a coward to run from love, Roxanne—but I swear I shall never give you cause to doubt me again.’