Ann Lethbridge - Regency Society

‘Your mother should never have married,’ the earl said. ‘I loved her, but she was a foolish silly girl and your father needed a woman with passion in her bones to help him forget. I should never have pushed them into marriage.’

Luke’s brows knit in a frown. ‘Help him forget—what? I do not understand you, sir.’

‘Your father married on the rebound, Luke. As a young man he was very much in love. Your mother liked him when they first met at a society ball, but he didn’t look at her that night. He was in love with Helene Digby, the woman he planned to wed, but she died of a sudden and terrible fever. I believe your father was with her, held her in his arms as she died. He never truly recovered from her death. A love like that comes but once in a lifetime.’

‘My father was in love like that—really, deeply in love? I thought him a shallow fellow given to affairs and not capable of love.’ Luke stared in disbelief, his memories in disarray.

‘He loved too deeply, that was his trouble,’ the earl said. ‘When I coerced him into marrying my daughter he told me that he couldn’t love her. I thought it an ideal marriage for my silly girl. She would live here with me, give me an heir for the estate, and her husband would go his own way. My silly Sarah couldn’t let him go. She didn’t truly enjoy the physical side of marriage, but she wanted a romantic husband to fuss over her and bring her presents. Clarendon wasn’t that kind of man. If she’d had passion in her, she might have held him, but she didn’t and so he broke her heart with his affairs. She should have let him go, been content with what she had, but she demanded too much of him.’

‘Good grief.’ Luke sat down heavily, his legs going weak as the shock went through him. ‘I had no idea. All these years I’ve thought…’

‘You thought you were shallow and worthless and I let you believe it. Instead of appreciating your qualities, I drove you away, blaming you for what your father did to my silly girl. It wasn’t his fault and it certainly wasn’t yours, Luke. I don’t believe you take after either of them. You’re like me—Roxanne knew it instinctively and she loved us both.’

It was like a light breaking over him, the realisation that he loved Roxanne with all his heart. Tortured by his memories that were false and seen through the eyes of a child, who did not understand what was happening between his parents, he had fought against his love for her. When he realised there was no longer a reason to hold her to her promise, he had lashed out in fear and despair, driving her away.

What had he done? All he had ever secretly longed for and needed had been within his grasp and he had thrown it away.

‘I am a crass fool and I have to pray that she will forgive me.’

‘She might if you can find her,’ the earl said and frowned. ‘You rode to the village and enquired, but no one had seen her?’

‘One of the gardeners thought he saw her in the lane that leads to the meadow where the cows are. If she’d crossed that, she would have come out on the high road and followed the signs to the east, but there is also the wood and if she took that route she might end up on the road north.’

‘Where would she go?’

Luke moved his shoulders negatively. ‘She was heading for London when I first met her…’

‘You must find her,’ the earl said urgently. ‘Don’t blame yourself for the whole, Luke. I made her promise not to tell you that I knew the truth. I am as much to blame as you are in this.’

‘No, sir. Roxanne certainly didn’t run away from you. I’m the one that hurt her. I intend to find her, however long it takes me, and when I do I shall beg her to return, but it may be too late. Some things are unforgivable and, in truth, I do not deserve her forgiveness.’

‘I think she may give it,’ the earl said and smiled at him. ‘You haven’t yet realised how lucky you are, Luke. Roxanne is a wonderful and very loving person. You must find her because if you do not you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.’

‘Yes, I know,’ Luke said. ‘I think I must travel to London. Will you forgive me for leaving you at such a time?’

‘I’m not going to die just yet, boy,’ the earl said. ‘Find Roxanne and bring her back for all our sakes.’

Luke smiled oddly. ‘I promise I shall leave no stone unturned, sir, but for the moment it seems that she has disappeared into thin air.’

‘That isn’t possible, Luke. Roxanne was on foot. It would have taken her hours to walk anywhere.’

‘Unless…’ Luke shook his head. He would not distress the earl yet by suggesting that she might have been kidnapped. Somehow Roxanne had avoided detection, but he would find her if it took him the rest of his life.

Roxanne stirred and moaned, turning her head on the soft pillow. She was dreaming and tears were on her cheeks as she cried out, ‘Mama, please don’t leave us. Papa, why must she die? I want Mama, I want my mother…’

‘Your mother is dying of a fever. Her heart is not strong enough to fight it. You should blame me, child. I should never have brought you both out here to this dreadful climate. It is my fault, but you shall not fall victim to this accursed place, as she did. I shall take you home to your aunt.’

‘Mama…please don’t leave us. Mama…’

‘Hush, memsahib,’ a soft voice said and gentle hands stroked her brow. ‘You are ill, but you will be better soon.’

‘Mama is dying…’ Roxanne’s eyes flicked opened and she saw a face, the face of her nurse. The Indian woman was kind and loving and she was comforted. ‘Mama is so ill.’

‘That was long ago, little one. Rest now and when you wake you will be well again.’

Roxanne closed her eyes as the soft hands stroked her forehead and she smelled the exotic perfume of flowers and spices.

The dream was changing. She was in a different place and someone was saying she must die. Now she was lost…running from something…someone. Her uncle wanted her father’s ruby, the precious jewel Papa had asked her to keep for him until he returned from India. Her uncle had demanded that she give it to him, telling her that she could not look after it properly.

‘No…’ she cried out. ‘Please help me. He will kill me…he wants Papa’s ruby.’

A cool dark hand touched her brow and a woman’s beautiful, dusky-skinned face appeared through the mist for a moment.

‘Do not fret, little mistress,’ the woman’s soft musical voice soothed her. ‘You are safe now. My lord is angry they hurt you so. He will not let more harm come to you. Rest now and sleep.’

‘My uncle…he wants the ruby,’ Roxanne moaned, her eyelids fluttering as the words came tumbling out. She clutched at the bedclothes with restless hands. ‘My aunt said she would steal it while I slept, but he said it would be best if I were dead. He says they will tell my father I died of a fever and the ruby was lost. I must get away…I must get away…’

‘Hush, little one. You are safe now.’

‘No…Luke, I want Luke…’ Roxanne’s cheeks were wet with tears as the fever raged through her. ‘Please, ask him to come to me. I need him so…’ She was sobbing, tossing restlessly on the pillow, her long hair damp and clinging to her forehead.

‘The memsahib is very ill,’ another voice said. ‘Those fools hit her too hard. If she dies, the lord will be angry and he will punish them harshly. She must drink this medicine; it may ease her. She must live or all will be lost. Without her to help us, the ruby may never be recovered and our people will continue to suffer.’

‘Give me the cup,’ the woman’s soft voice said. ‘I will get her to swallow your potion, honourable doctor, but she is wandering in her mind and she may not remember where the ruby is or even her own name.’