Anna McGrail - You and Your New Baby

You and Your New Baby

Anna McGrail

A

NATIONAL CHILDBIRTH TRUST

GUIDE

Published by National Childbirth Trust Publishing

in collaboration with Thorsons

Copyright

Production in association with

Book Production Consultants plc,

25–27 High Street, Chesterton, Cambridge CB4 1ND, UK.

Published by National Childbirth Trust Publishing,

25–27 High Street, Chesterton, Cambridge CB4 1ND, UK.

in collaboration with Thorsons

An Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

© 1996 NCT Publishing

First published as Becoming a Family 1996

This edition 1998

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Illustrations: Jo Dennis.

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN 9780722536377

Ebook Edition © APRIL 2019 ISBN: 9780008359508

Version: 2019-05-13

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Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780722536377

Publisher’s note

ALL COMMENTS and personal accounts were given to us in confidence, so out of respect for our contributors’ privacy we have changed all the names.

We have endeavoured where possible to reproduce quotations verbatim, but where editing has been applied, the integrity of the quotation has been maintained.

Dedication

For Benjamin and Christiane.

Contents

COVER

TITLE PAGE

COPYRIGHT

NOTE TO READERS

PUBLISHER’S NOTE

DEDICATION

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE – YOU AND YOUR NEWBORN

Journey into the unknown

Caesareans

Twins or more

Looks

Vitamin K

First attempts

Your baby’s temperament

The growth of love

When things aren’t as you expected

Transition

A ‘routine’

CHAPTER TWO – LEARNING NEW SKILLS

Holding

Bathing

Changing

Dressing

Sleeping

Feeding

Wind

Weaning

Crying

Teething

Growing

Playing

Nursing

Developmental disabilities

Loving

Smiling

CHAPTER THREE – YOUR NEW SELF

Recovery

Debriefing

Caesareans

Stress and anger

Feeling down

Being yourself

Self-image

Sleep

Nutrition

Exercise

Making time for yourself

CHAPTER FOUR – YOU AND YOUR PARTNER

Expectations

Realities

Role reversal

Time

Time for you as a couple

Changes in your relationship

Sex

Difficulties

Single parents

CHAPTER FIVE – YOU AND THE WORLD

Back home

Getting about

Balancing the budget

Friends

Boredom

Relatives

Experts

CHAPTER SIX – YOU AND THE FUTURE

You are now a parent

Working

Broadening horizons

Picking up where we left off

Protecting your child

Looking forward

CHAPTER SEVEN – BECOMING A FAMILY

Ceremonies

Assisted reproduction

Adopting

Step-parenting

The next child

Being a family

DIRECTORY

A chapter-by-chapter guide to support and information

FURTHER READING

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

OTHER BOOKS BY

ABOUT THE PUBLISHER

THE NATIONAL CHILDBIRTH TRUST (NCT) offers information and support in pregnancy, childbirth and early parenthood. We aim to give every parent the chance to make informed choices. We try to make sure that our services, activities and membership are fully accessible to everyone. Donations to support our work are welcome.

Introduction

THE WORDS of the parents in this book have been drawn from the conversations and interviews I have had with parents over the past six years, eight months and twenty-five days. I can pinpoint this time so accurately as this was the date our son was born. No sooner had he arrived, than I was plunged from the relatively ordered world of singles and partners to the chaos of babies and families.

Being a parent is one of the most difficult and demanding jobs we will ever be asked to undertake. It is also one of the most rewarding. But steering a path between the difficulties to reach the rewards is sometimes harder than we would ever have dreamed possible.

Becoming a family is something most of us undertake as a couple, relying on the strength and support our partner can give. For some, choice and circumstances mean that we take the step alone, or carry most of the responsibility alone.

Nevertheless, whether you are with a partner or a lone parent, the way our society is structured, and the way the world works, means that a great deal of the shock of babies is borne by the mother. Very often the proud father can return to work, accept the congratulations, and get on with business as usual. It is the new mother who needs to negotiate her way around this new world … usually without a map.

That is how it felt to me. In fact, it felt worse. I felt like I was bobbing around on a sea without a lifeboat, and all reference points were gone. And that is why I have spent so much of the past six years, eight months and twenty-five days talking to other parents, finding out if it felt like this for them, too, finding out just what I was meant to do, and how I was meant to do it.

I live in Brighton, but not all the parents whose voices you will hear in this book do: in my role as an editor on the local NCT newsletter, and then for the NCT national journal New Generation, I have met and talked to new families from all over Britain. When I was asked to write this book, I contacted a lot more parents, many of whom have made written contributions to this final manuscript. I have them all to thank. I have them all to thank twice over, because when you are a new family, time is at its most precious.

I’d also like to thank Sue Orchard and Heather Welford who gave their time and expertise and made valuable contributions to the final typescript.

The aim of this book is to let the voices of these mothers and fathers act like beacons for all those currently adrift on the sea of parenthood: whether you are bobbing happily along on the waves and wondering where to go next, or whether you are caught up in darker currents and confusions. Now my daughter is four and safely off to school this September, I feel I have negotiated another major milestone in the path of parenthood, but still, hearing other people tell of what it’s like from their point of view continues to be one of the most valuable ways for me of defining where I want to go, even if it is just a matter of deciding – well, I don’t want to do that.