He and Billy had owned a boat leasing company. It had been Billy’s idea, and he had gone along with it, knowing that his cousin needed something to focus on since he’d been laid off from his job. Billy was supposed to be doing most of the work during the week, while Sawyer chipped in on weekends during his off time. Much to his dismay, he’d found himself doing the lion’s share of the work, and he’d resented it. They’d formed the business out of their mutual love for boats, but all the joy had vanished. He’d sunk a lot of money into Trask Boating, and it annoyed him that they hadn’t even been able to get it off the ground because of Billy’s lackadaisical attitude.
As usual, Billy had shown up two hours late and inebriated. The smell of cheap liquor clung to his cousin like a second skin. Sawyer had confronted him, sick and tired of picking up the slack for the business they were trying to get up and running. The company was hanging on by a thread owing to his financial contribution, and he had been starting to feel that Billy was taking advantage of him.
“You owe Ava and the twins better than this!” he’d said after chastising his cousin for drinking.
“Don’t tell me about my family! What do you know about keeping a marriage together or raising kids? The last time I checked you’re still single. Footloose and fancy free.”
“You’re right about that,” he’d acknowledged. “But if the good Lord ever blesses me with a wonderful wife like Ava, I’d treat her a sight better than you’re doing at the moment.”
Right before his eyes, Billy’s face had hardened into granite. His eyes had narrowed into slits. He’d began clenching his fists. An angry vein had popped on his forehead.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? A wife like Ava. Maybe Ava herself would do, right? Ava and Sawyer. You like the ring of that, don’t you?”
“Stop, Billy. You’re out of line.”
Billy had brushed up against him and gotten in his face. “Am I? It seems to me that you don’t think I’m good enough for my own wife. Is that it?”
He’d held up his hands, knowing that once Billy got started on a tangent he was a tough person to try to wind down. “Stop playing the victim in this. It’s not about that.”
“You stop, Sawyer. Stop judging me. Stop throwing everything in my face. Stop wishing that Ava was married to you instead of me!”
Billy’s words had almost knocked the wind out of him. He’d opened his mouth to refute the accusation, determined to deny he’d been holding on to any romantic notions about him and Ava. As much as he’d wanted to deny it, he couldn’t. He’d let out a deep sigh. “Yes, I have wished Ava was mine. And I want you to know I’ve always been ashamed of that. Until right now. Because seeing you like this, watching you destroy the wonderful life you’ve built for yourself—” He’d stopped for a moment, too overcome with frustration to continue. “And let me tell you, if she were my wife, I’d treat her a whole lot better than you’ve been treating her lately.”
The words hung in the air like a storm cloud on the verge of bursting. For a moment the room was quiet, with nothing more than tension crackling in the air.
“No wonder she keeps nagging me,” Billy had muttered. “How can I compare to the great hero, Sawyer Trask? So perfect and righteous.”
“Don’t call me that, Billy!” he’d growled, wishing it didn’t get under his skin so much when people touted him as a hero. In his mind he wasn’t a hero. He was an officer in the coast guard, sworn to uphold maritime law. Performing search-and-rescues was just part and parcel of his job duties. He wasn’t anybody’s hero!
“Always so noble,” Billy had spit out. “It must be nice to be perfect.” He’d shaken his head in disgust. “I’m out of here!” he’d shouted, his long legs quickly carrying him to the door. Those were the last words they’d ever spoken to each other.
A hundred times or more since that night, Sawyer had wished he’d stopped Billy from leaving. It was the last time he’d seen his cousin alive. Late that night he’d received the call from a frantic Ava, who hadn’t seen or heard from her husband all evening. For hours he’d driven around town looking for his cousin, to no avail. In the wee hours of the morning he’d received the devastating call from his best friend, Colby, who was a member of his coast guard unit. Billy’s capsized boat had been spotted by the coast guard a few miles out in the harbor. Although everyone had prayed that he’d managed to swim to land, Billy’s body had been found the next day in one of the inlets off Buzzards Bay Harbor. An investigation had concluded that, caught in a minor squall, Billy had drowned after his boat took on water. The fact that Billy had been under the influence had only worsened the life-and-death situation.
Sawyer had never told a single soul about his argument with Billy. He’d been too ashamed, felt too guilty about the fact that his angry words with him might have caused his cousin to spiral downward. But he couldn’t keep this to himself any longer. Not when he’d made a promise to God he’d come clean with Ava after he’d almost died from cholera on the other side of the world.
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