Alison Roberts - A Mother for His Family

The dance floor of the resort’s main restaurant was being taken over by a group of islanders as Sarah and Tori finished their dinner. Men crouched to one side, holding small drums, and the women lined up, barefoot. Grass skirts swirled and rustled as they moved and the garlands of tropical flowers in their hair and around their wrists and necks added vibrant colour to the scene. Sarah turned her chair so she could watch the performance and from the first unaccompanied notes of rich harmony as the group started singing she was utterly captivated.

The song was joyous, the faces smiling, but somewhere in the layers of harmony there was a poignant sound that recognised how suffering could contribute to happiness. Sarah had never heard anything like it and was moved almost to tears. Then the mood changed and the women stamped their feet to the beat of the drums. The music soared with the new tempo and it was impossible not to tap her feet and clap along with it.

It wasn’t until she was clapping until her hands hurt at the end of the performance that Sarah noticed Tori’s face.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘You were practically dancing on the table, Sas.’

‘I was not!’

‘Yes, you were!’ Tori was still grinning. ‘If Ben had seen you just now he wouldn’t think you were so uptight.’ She stood up. ‘Let’s go for a walk on the beach. I want to see the last of that sunset.’

Sarah followed but she wasn’t thinking about any sunsets. She had been ignoring Tori’s odd comments about Ben ever since she had come back from her tour of the medical centre, but this one had touched a real nerve.

‘Did he actually say he thought I was uptight?’

Tori nodded. ‘He asked what your problem was—and if it was all men you didn’t trust or just him in particular?’

Sarah chuckled. ‘Both.’ But her amusement faded rapidly. How could he have seen so much in such a short space of time? Especially when she knew how good she was at keeping things hidden. ‘I hope you didn’t spend your whole time together talking about me.’

‘Enough to give me the distinct impression that it’s not my company he would prefer. I’m happy to back off, Sas. Why don’t you give him a chance?’

‘Even if I was desperate for a man—which I’m not —he’d be the last one I’d choose.’

‘Why?’

‘He’s not attractive.’ If she said it firmly enough, she would believe it. Wouldn’t she?

Tori certainly didn’t. ‘Oh, come on! He’s gorgeous ! Kind of halfway between Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson, I thought.’

‘Looks aren’t everything. You should have learned that much from Robert.’ Sarah stooped to pick up the sandals she had just kicked off. She wiggled her toes in the sand appreciatively. ‘A cute body and a killer smile are purely surface attributes. They don’t really count much as far as I’m concerned.’

‘What does really count, then?’

‘Kindness,’ Sarah answered after a thoughtful pause. ‘And intelligence.’

‘Ben’s kind. Look at how much those kids love him. And he’s a doctor, for heaven’s sake. He can’t be stupid.’

‘He’s not a real doctor.’ Sarah shook her head dismissively. ‘Looking after sunburnt tourists at holiday resorts? It’s a cop-out. Like working on a cruise ship or for a drug company. Doctors like that don’t really want a career. They’re in it for the social life and the status. Oh... look !’

Sarah was more than ready to change the subject. That odd feeling of being somehow let down returned every time she thought about Ben and his tropical island dream job. She was pointing now to make sure Tori turned her attention seawards. The final throes of a dramatic blood-red sunset were gilding the water and highlighting the silhouettes of smaller, surrounding islands. The perfect finishing touch was a replica sailing ship, just beginning to furl some of the huge sails as it made its way towards the jetty.

Tori sank down on the sand to sit beside Sarah, but she could enjoy the view and talk at the same time.

‘I think you’re wrong about Ben, Sas. I like him, I really do.’

‘He’s all yours, then,’ Sarah said lightly. ‘Think of him as part of the holiday package. An extra treat.’

‘I’d rather you had the treat.’

‘Why?’ Sarah forgot the sunset for a moment as she caught the unspoken message. ‘I’m OK, Tori. Maybe it has been two years since anyone’s been interested in me but I’m not burning up with frustration here.’

‘There’s plenty of interest. There always has been. You just chase everyone away.’

Sarah was silent for a few seconds. This wasn’t the kind of indignant ‘all men are bastards’ support she had come to rely on from Tori. She always started any relationship with the hope that this was going to be it, but she had clocked up enough experience now to know that they always turned to custard. The only variation was how long it took. Maybe Tori was right and it was her attitude that was at fault. It wasn’t the kind of thought conducive to a happy holiday, however, so Sarah tried to make a joke about it.

‘I only do that to save time,’ she said. ‘And pride. If I wait too long, they end up dumping me.’

‘Maybe that’s because they think you don’t trust them.’

‘I don’t trust them.’

Tori reached out to touch Sarah’s hand. ‘I know you had some awful stuff to deal with when you were a kid and I know you’ve never wanted to talk about it—’

‘It’s in the past,’ Sarah interrupted. ‘I’m over it.’

Tori’s blue eyes had darkened in the fading light. ‘It might still be doing damage, you know. All men aren’t really bastards, Sas. There’s some really good ones out there, too.’

‘I know that.’

‘I want you to find one.’

‘I will. One day.’

‘I worry about you.’

‘There’s no need. Honestly. I’m fine.’

Tori sighed, her gaze on the horizon again. ‘Mum always said that out of all the kids she fostered after Dad died, you were the one that had the most special place in her heart. She said it was you that made us into a whole family, not her.’

Sarah had to swallow the lump in her throat. She was going to miss Carol so much.

‘A wee while ago,’ Tori continued softly, ‘while Mum could still talk, she told me to watch out for you. To try and help you find the person who could help you create a family of your own. She said you had so much love to share it would be a terrible waste if you shut yourself away again.’

The sunset was forgotten, too blurred by tears to be enjoyed any more. Tori squeezed Sarah’s hand and they sat there in silence until the crimson faded to a soft peach and then pearl grey before the swift descent of darkness.

‘I love it here,’ Sarah said finally. By mutual consent they started walking back towards their bure. Their closeness allowed them to move on from a sad topic and cheer each other up with a perfect understanding of what had been shared and acknowledged. ‘It’s like stepping into a postcard. A little bit of fantasy.’

‘Speaking of fantasy...’ Tori smiled. ‘Haven’t yours ever included someone like Ben?’

‘Of course they have.’

‘Ooh. Do tell.’

‘No way. Fantasies are strictly private. And they’re never real...they can’t be.’

‘They could be,’ Tori said persuasively.

Sarah shook her head. ‘Reality never measures up. Sex is overrated.’

‘You’ve never been in love properly, that’s all.’

‘Nobody ever hangs around long enough for that to happen.’

It was Tori’s turn to do the head-shaking. ‘If you have to wait that long, or try and force it, then it’s not going to happen. You’re trying the wrong person. I think it—or at least the definite possibility of it—happens right from the first moment you see them.’