Cynthia Thomason - High Country Christmas

He released a long breath. She could see the tension in his eyes, along with something else. Sadness, confusion. He was in over his head with his own daughter, and Ava had never felt a stronger need to help a family than she did at this moment. At the same time, her sense of self-preservation urged her to stay as far away from this situation as possible.

He squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened them again a new emotion made the hint of gold in his eyes seem a deep amber. She sensed his inability to cope with making a decision.

She spoke calmly. “Look, Noah, I know this is difficult for you...”

“Do you? Have you ever given up a child of yours to a complete stranger?”

His question sent a pang of guilt deep into her stomach, the same pain she’d experienced for almost six years now. But she could not tell Noah that. She’d never told anyone, not even her family, about Charlie.

She swallowed, took a calming breath. “I don’t want you to think of me as a stranger,” she said, avoiding a direct answer to his question. “I care about the children in this home. They are more than a job to me. They are everything. I want each one of them to feel safe and encouraged to succeed.”

“I’ll bet they do with that brother cop around to back you up. Don’t think I didn’t see the looks passing between the two of you. I suppose next, a small army of security will enter the discussion.”

“First of all, my brother does not come around to ‘back me up’ as you put it. He has a job, which he’s doing this morning, and it keeps him busy. Secondly, we don’t have an army of security.”

“So you, a single lady, basically run this place by yourself?”

“As the administrator, yes. Why? Do you believe that a woman isn’t capable of running a home this size? I’ll have you know...”

He put his hands up defensively. “Okay, okay. I apologize. No insult intended.”

Mollified, she gave him a brief explanation about how the Sawtooth Children’s Home operated. At least she was once again on firm emotional ground. Talking about the school was easy and comfortable. “We have a full-time medical person on campus. We have a cook, three on-site counselors, a gymnasium, school building with fifteen classrooms, each with a qualified teacher.” She waited until those facts had settled in before adding, “Each child lives in a cottage with nine other kids, and each cottage has a set of parents in charge. So you see, I don’t run this home all by myself.”

“I get it,” he said. “This is a tight ship. But my daughter is not in need of cottage parents. She already has one parent who just happens to be having a little trouble.”

A little trouble? Ava tried logic. “We have room for Sawyer right now,” she said. “You will have complete access to her. You can visit her whenever you like. If she agrees, after some time she can even go home with you for a weekend, once we’ve done a visitation.”

Noah responded with a sarcastic chuckle. “Oh? I can see my own daughter on weekends...maybe? How kind of you. This is not happening, Miss Administrator. Not now. Not ever.”

A rustling nearby drew their attention to the back door. Sawyer stood in the frame, looking out. Carter was behind her. “Everything okay out here?” he asked.

“Are you almost done talking about me as if I didn’t exist?” Sawyer said.

Ava smiled. “What would you like to say, Sawyer?”

She looked down, locking her gaze on the grass. When she lifted her face, she stared at Noah. “I’m old enough to have a say in my own life.”

“Okay,” he said. “Go ahead. Have your say.”

“I don’t want to go home with you, Dad. You’re never home, and I hate Mrs. Filmore. She’s more like a warden than a housekeeper. And don’t think you can just hire another one and I’ll be happy.” Sawyer looked over the expansive green lawn that led to the cottages. “This place is probably really lame, but it would be better than home. I’m going to stay here, for a while at least.”

Ava couldn’t bear to see the sense of futility in Noah’s eyes. She’d seen it too many times in the looks of parents who’d failed their children in so many ways. She gave him a gentle smile that for some odd reason felt strangely natural and spoke to Sawyer.

“We need to get some things straight,” she said. “This place, as you call it, isn’t a resort, Sawyer. It’s a home for children and teens with special problems. We have rules that must be followed and consequences if they are broken. You will be living with nine other housemates of all ages. Your room will be shared with another resident. You will see a counselor once a week, or more often if we think it’s needed. Your cottage parents will know where you go and whom you see. If they deny permission, that’s it then.”

Ava realized she was painting a rather rigid picture of life at Sawtooth Children’s Home, but she firmly believed that Sawyer should understand that her life would be regimented, and she would have to meet expectations. Maybe the reality of life here was getting through to both father and daughter. At least they were both listening.

Ava could easily believe that Noah Walsh loved his daughter, but their relationship was toxic, and she knew time apart would help them. “Carter,” she said to her brother, “you go on. We’ll be fine here. I’m just going to take Sawyer and Noah on a tour of the campus. Tell Mama I won’t be there for dinner tonight.”

Carter tucked his hat back onto his forehead. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

He walked through the building, closed the front door. Ava waited until the charged atmosphere cooled down. “Okay, then, shall we take the tour?”

“Why not?” Noah said. “But don’t think for a minute that I’m going to simply wave goodbye to my daughter and tell her, ‘Take care of yourself, kid.’”

His simple words, “take care of yourself,” brought back fresh memories of that painful night when he’d said them to her. A glitzy downtown Charlotte bar followed by a night of... She’d never forgotten. That low voice, that sense of desperation in his tone. Those words of regret spoken in the middle of the night. “Take care of yourself.” He’d whispered those words in her ear just before the same voice had said, “I’m sorry. You deserve better than a guy like me. I should have told you. I’m married, for now at least. Maybe once I get things straightened out...”

“Just go,” she’d said, letting anger and shame rule her reaction. Regret washed over her as she pulled the bedsheets close around her chest. She’d turned her head, let the tears slip onto her pillow. “Just go, Noah. Go.”

It hurt to look at him now. The memory had haunted her too long. She couldn’t stare into his piercing eyes and see the man who’d caused her to be someone she’d never been before on a night that turned out to be the beginning of the most soul-searching journey of her life.

But time had changed them both, and today the issue was about Sawyer. Noah’s attention was fixed firmly on his daughter, as it should be. So much so that other than a few tense silences, he hadn’t shown any sign of knowing who Ava was, or who she’d been.

CHAPTER THREE

SOMETHING ABOUT AVA was strangely familiar. Noah felt as if he’d known her before, but that wasn’t likely. She wasn’t the sort of woman he was drawn to, though lately his “sort of woman” was becoming a mystery.

When dating, he tended toward women who had a laid-back personality, were quick to laugh and appreciated his sense of humor. Since his divorce, Noah had dated several women. Coincidentally, three of them had been named Ava. This attractive, but opinionated woman seemed to judge him with a glance and a word. No way would he have dated a woman who sweated the small stuff.