Leigh Bale - The Forest Ranger's Return

“Well, it does. And I’ve still got some questions you may not want to answer.”

Her mind raced as she tried to slow her heavy breathing. Those old feelings of dread and fear seeped through every pore in her body. Like a caged and wounded tiger faced by a hunter carrying a loaded rifle. “Like what?”

“Like why you stopped writing me. And why you wouldn’t return my phone calls. What happened, Julie? You just disappeared off the face of the earth. Why did you abandon me?”

Her gaze clashed, then locked with his. In his eyes, she saw all the anguish she’d caused him. All the pain she herself felt inside. “I never meant to hurt you, Dal. Please believe I didn’t have a choice. Not really.”

“No choice?” His voice escalated, betraying his anger. “You cut off all communication with me. Without any justification at all. Why?”

“I had my reasons. That’s all I can say.”

“You owe me an explanation, Julie. We didn’t even break up.”

“I thought it was for the best. We were living in separate towns by then and rarely saw each other.”

“But we talked by phone almost every day. Until you stopped taking my calls. Why? Why did you do that?”

“I—I didn’t want to talk about it then.”

His mouth dropped open and he raked his fingers through his short hair, showing his frustration. “So let’s talk about it now.”

She shook her head. “No.”

“No?” He sounded hurt and furious at the same time. “Oh, come on, Julie. You can’t ignore me again. I’m here. Flesh and blood. You can’t hide from me anymore.”

She wanted to cry. To beg his forgiveness for hurting him. To crawl in a hole and hide. “Please, Dal. Let it go. Talking about it reminds me of ugly things I’d rather forget.”

“So that’s it?” His jaw hardened, a look of incredulity on his handsome face.

Julie wished she could give him more. Wished things could be so much different. But they weren’t. And they never would be again.

Tightening her resolve, she nodded. “That’s it.”

He hesitated, as though thinking this over. Standing in the middle of the road facing each other, the sound of rustling trees filled the void. After years of regret and longing for something more, Julie realized how utterly alone she was. She’d never felt so empty inside.

So hollow and bereft.

“No, I can’t accept that,” he said. “I have a few ugly things from my past I’d rather forget, too. But I want you to know something, Julie. After the last time I drove to Tulsa to see you for your sixteenth birthday, I never forgot about you. Not ever.”

Oh, that hurt. Her stomach tightened with guilt and regret. He’d been so good to her, and look how she’d treated him. The only person in the world who had really cared about her. After what she’d gone through, she’d wanted to call him. So many times. To beg for his help. To ask him to take her away. But what could he have done for her? A kid from nowhere, just like her. They weren’t even legal adults. With no money, no education, no real jobs and no way to change the life they’d been thrust into.

She wanted to tell him about it now, but couldn’t. It wouldn’t change the outcome. She couldn’t confide in him something so horrible that just thinking about it caused her to shake as if it had happened only moments before. All the humiliation and embarrassment came rushing back. Right here, right now.

Instead, she turned and walked toward home. He fell into step beside her, silent and brooding. She felt his disapproval like a leaden weight. This discussion wasn’t over. Someday soon, she knew she’d have to offer him an explanation. The silence soon became deafening.

“How’s your mom doing, Dal?”

He lowered his head an inch, staring straight ahead. “Mom passed away while I was in Afghanistan.”

His voice sounded harsh and indignant.

“I’m so sorry. She was such a dear woman.”

“Yeah, she was. But I believe she’s at peace now. Losing Dad when I was so young was always hard on her.”

“Did you ever marry and have kids?” She shouldn’t have asked, but she really wanted to know.

“No. I was engaged once, but...it didn’t work out. She didn’t want me after... After the war.”

He glanced down at his leg, and Julie understood. His fiancée hadn’t wanted him after he’d become an amputee. He’d become damaged goods, just like Julie. She wished Dal had found happiness with someone. He deserved a life of joy. So did she, but that didn’t make it so.

She kept walking. Ignoring her wobbling knees. Wishing he’d leave her alone and forget they’d ever found each other again. It was easier that way. Less heartache. Less emotions.

Less to lose.

He stayed beside her. Just as relentless as the day she’d refused to go to the movies with him until he’d asked her out five times. Finally, she’d conceded out of frustration. And that had been the beginning of the best memories of her life.

But that was then and this was now. They couldn’t go back. She couldn’t get close to this man again. And that was that.

* * *

Why wouldn’t Julie talk to him? Dal couldn’t figure her out. All the past years stretched vacant before them, and she refused to offer a single explanation as to what had happened to her. Or why she’d turned her back on him.

Why she’d stopped loving him.

He remembered the night her parents had died with perfect clarity. The authorities figured her dad had been driving the car when they’d hit a deer on the dark interstate. Julie had been out on a date with Dal. They’d gone to the movies and then for cheeseburgers and fries at the local drive-in. Not wanting to face her dad’s deep frown, Dal had brought her home five minutes before curfew...and found Sheriff Levy waiting on her front doorstep.

The weeks afterward had been a numbing whirl of grief. The funeral and burial. Julie had no other family. No one to provide her with a home. Dal had even begged his mother to take Julie in, but Mom couldn’t. Working as a cook on the ranch where they lived, there was no extra room for Julie. Even with Dal’s after-school job at the local grocery store, they barely made ends meet. Mom insisted that Julie would have a better life in foster care. Dal hadn’t agreed, but he’d had little choice in the matter.

For a few months, Julie had stayed with a kind family in their hometown. She and Dal had been inseparable. She hadn’t discussed her feelings over her parents’ death, but he’d been there for her. Every day. Just to let her know he loved her and that everything would be all right.

Then the social worker had moved Julie to a foster home in Tulsa, eighty-seven miles away. It might as well have been eight hundred miles. At first, they’d written and called each other every chance they got. Not so easy without cell phones.

In thirteen months’ time, the distance between them had done nothing to dim their love. Dal figured that was how it is when you find your soul mate. He even took the bus to visit her twice. He’d never forget her haunted expression or the way she’d clung to him when it had come time for him to leave. By then, she’d seemed so withdrawn and reserved.

That’d been the last time he’d seen her. Three weeks later, he couldn’t reach her by phone. Her foster mom had told him she’d been moved and was living with someone else now, but she didn’t know who. When Julie’s letters had stopped coming, he’d called Social Services to see if she was okay. But they’d refused to tell him anything. It was confidential information, they’d said.

Dal had known something had happened to Julie besides her parents dying. Something bad.

In desperation, he’d convinced his mom to use her single day off work to drive him to Tulsa. He’d gone to Julie’s foster home, but the chilly welcome and lack of information drove him to Social Services. Their reception had been almost as cold. They wouldn’t tell him where Julie was or who she lived with now. He wasn’t a family member and had no right to the information. Driving all that way hadn’t helped.