Pamela Hearon - Moonlight in Paris

His silence grated her heart into tiny slivers like lemon zest.

“So whatever became of this...Jacques Martin?” Tara’s voice held the same strained edge it had when she realized her two fingers were gone.

“I never saw, never heard from him again,” Faith answered, then added, “I never wanted to. I had all I needed and wanted with you all.” Blood pounded in her temples. How could she make them understand? “Jacques was...” Someone she’d had too much alcohol with that night. Someone she’d gotten carried away celebrating with. Someone who’d helped her bear the loneliness of not being with the person she loved on one of the most important days of her life. “He was someone I barely knew.”

Sawyer swerved around to face Tara and gathered her partial hand into both of his. “You’re my daughter, lovebug. The daughter of my heart. Like Trenton said, nothing’s ever going to change that.” He pressed their knotted hands against his chest. “I hold you right here, and nothing will ever break that grip.”

Faith watched the tears overflow from her daughter’s eyes, unaware of her own until she felt a drop on her arm.

Tara nodded. “I love you, Dad.” She paused and Faith held her breath and prayed that those words would be repeated to her.

They weren’t. Instead, Tara stood, pulling her hand from Sawyer’s grip. “I really, really need to go home. I need time alone to process this.”

Thea followed her to her feet.

A different fear gripped Faith’s insides, a familiar one since Tara’s accident. It recurred every time one of her children left her house to drive back to their own homes. “Will you be okay making the drive back to Paducah? You want me to call Emma?”

“I’m leaving, too. I’ll take you home,” Thea offered.

Tara shook her head. “I don’t want to be with anyone. I’ll be okay.”

Faith stood and reached for her, and her daughter hugged her then, but her arms felt limp and lifeless with no emotion behind them. Her parting hug with her dad had a bit more vitality, but not much.

Faith’s breathing grew shallow when Thea didn’t hug her or Sawyer, but she did take Tara’s hand to lead the way out.

As Tara slid the patio door closed behind her, Faith turned her attention back to her husband. They stood beside the table where their family had shared thousands of happy mealtimes. Would those be enough to blot out the anguish of today?

She took Sawyer’s hand and tilted her head in silent question.

“It’s not the action, Faith. It’s the deception. The betrayal.”

He pulled his hand away and headed for his study, locking the door behind him.

CHAPTER TWO

“BUT HOW ARE YOU HANDLING it, really? And none of that ‘I’m okay’ stuff. I held your hair when you threw up your first beer, so I’ve seen you at your worst.” Emma blew on her spoonful of tomato soup, waiting for an answer.

Tara reached behind her chair to shut the door to Emma’s office, pondering how to put her feelings into words. “You remember that weird, uneasy feeling inside you the first Christmas you no longer believed in Santa Claus? It’s kind of like that. I remember knowing the presents were still downstairs, waiting to be opened. But the magical quality was gone forever. That’s the way I feel. Like some kind of wonderful something has slipped away, and I’ll never be able to get it back.”

Emma’s eyebrows knitted. “But you haven’t really lost anything. Your dad is still your dad....”

“But I’ve lost who I thought I was. Everything I accounted to my Irish heritage—my red hair, my fair complexion, my love of Guinness. I’ve only talked myself into believing they had significance.” Tara popped a grape into her mouth. “And that makes me wonder what other things I’ve believed in that were actually of no significance.”

“Well, maybe you need to talk to somebody.” Emma tore open a package of oyster crackers and sprinkled them over the top of her soup. “You know—” she shrugged as she stirred them in “—a professional.”

“You’re a professional guidance counselor with a master’s in counseling. I’m talking to you.”

Tara watched her friend’s eyebrows disappear beneath her wispy bangs. “Doctors don’t operate on family members, and counselors don’t counsel family.”

“But we’re not—”

“We’re just as close.”

“Who I really want to talk to is Jacques Martin.” Tara blurted out the idea that had kept her awake most of the night. “I just want to take off for Paris and find my birth father.”

“And what good would that do?”

Tara thought about that question while she nibbled on a carrot. What good would it do? “Mostly it would satisfy my curiosity,” she admitted. “I can’t stop wondering what he looks like, what his personality is like. Do I have his nose? His laugh?”

“Your mom can tell you that.”

Tara’s throat tightened around a bite of carrot. She dropped the rest of it back into the plastic container, her appetite suddenly gone. “I can’t talk to her any more about him. At least, not yet.”

“I understand.” The sympathy in her friend’s voice made Tara’s throat tighten again. “So what difference would it make if you found out those things about him?” Emma gave a quick nod in Tara’s direction. “You rub your lip when you’re thinking about something just like Sawyer does. No matter where those little things come from, they make up you.”

Self-consciously, Tara dropped her hand from her mouth. “I just want to look Jacques Martin in the eye and say ‘I’m your daughter’ and see his reaction.”

Emma eyed her warily. “Can’t you just let your imagination play out that scene for you? Paris is way too big a city to find somebody with only a name to go on. And it’s very expensive from what I hear.”

Tara shrugged and glanced out the window to avoid eye contact. “I have my inheritance from Grandma.” She cringed at Emma’s outraged gasp.

“You’re serious! You’ve actually given this some thought...and have a plan. It’s a crazy idea, Tara—one you need to get out of your head right now.”

Emma’s gray eyes bored into her, causing Tara’s cheeks to burn. “Thought you weren’t going to counsel.”

“I’m not counseling. I’m giving my best friend a verbal shake to wake her up.” Emma ran her fingertips through her short bob, fluffing the soft, chestnut ends. “Finding him would take a feat of magic. He might’ve moved. Might not want to be found. Some people don’t. Or...or he might be dead. Have you thought about that?”

“That’s another thing. Family medical history is important.” Tara held up her half hand. “Emergencies happen. Diseases strike. It would be great to at least have a hint of what else I might come up against in the future. Mama’s family doesn’t have any heart disease, but what if it’s in his genes?”

“Then you do all the right things to keep your heart healthy no matter what.”

Tara looked at her friend in earnest. “Even if I didn’t find him, I could learn about my French heritage. The Irish thing I’ve always been so proud of has been jerked away from me, and now I want to replace it with something. I want to find out who I am.”

Emma looked at her long and hard, the steel in her gaze softening to a down-gray. “Know what?” She reached across the desk to place her hand on top of Tara’s. “I’m wrong. If it means that much to you, I think you should do it.”

“Really?” Tara jolted at Emma’s change of heart. “Because I’m thinking I want to do it soon. Like as soon as school is out.”

“That’s short notice. Can you make all the arrangements that quickly?”

Tara shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe through a travel agent.”