Max Brallier - Last Kids on Earth and the Midnight Blade

“Bring the dorky human ones before me,” Ghazt says. His tail lifts and points at us, and then the zombies approach, arms raised, to drag us before their master.

chapter four

So now here we stand, in front of Ghazt and Evie. Captured prisoners! It kinda feels like we got caught texting in class and now we gotta face the principal. But we’re not just staring down a few days of detention – our dimension is at stake!

Ghazt’s massive form leans forward. His mouth opens, and I think he’s about to eat us – but instead he just burps. Evie looks embarrassed. Ghazt readjusts, getting a grip on his whole bellygas- burp situation.

“Argh – you!” he snarls, showering us with bits of cheesy spittle. “I should have taken my army and DESTROYED your little town when I had the chance.”

I lean over to June and whisper, “Time for Mission Operation: Project Maximum Jack Confidence.”

“Dude,” June snarls. “If you say mission operation one more time –”

“So here’s the deal, bad dudes,” I say, taking a relaxed step forward, channelling my inner coolguy Kurt Russell. “Right now, this entire joint is surrounded by monster warriors. So, either you release us – or I give the signal. And you don’t want that, ’cause our monster buddies have itchy . . . um . . . itchy, uh . . . what’s the –”

“Itchy backs?” Quint asks.

“No. Not itchy backs. Itchy, uh – itchy trigger fingers! That’s it!”

“They mostly use swords and axes,” June whispers. “Swords and axes don’t have triggers.”

“Fine! Itchy axe fingers! Whatever! Bottom line – Evie, Ghazt – release us, now, or I’m calling in the monster cavalry.”

Wow, I really nailed that. That lie was so good that I almost believed it. Evie and Ghazt will never know it’s a –

“BLUFF!” Evie shouts. “That’s a bluff !” She leans towards Ghazt and whispers, “He’s bluffing. Classic bluff. Kid’s got bluff all over his face.”

I scowl at Evie. She smiles in the most annoying way.

Ghazt’s tail slithers up and tickles his lip in thought. “Hmm. Bluff. Bluffing. Bluffin. Muffin.” Ghazt’s stomach grumbles, then he says, “Evie, do we have any more of those little mini muffins I like? The blueberry ones?”

Evie clenches her jaw. Bites back a sigh. “No, sir.”

I steal a quick glance to the side. Dirk’s got his hands to his head, mashing the headphones hard against his skull.

No question – we need to make our move now .

Evie and Ghazt don’t seem to be on the same page. Maybe we can use that against them.

June picks up what I’m mentally throwing down – because she tilts her head and says, “Hey, Ghazt, if you’re this big, bad, zombie-controlling general , how come Evie does all the talking while you just sit there on a big cheese throne?”

In response, Ghazt slurps cheese from a hollowed-out bowling ball.

Ghazt doesn’t like that. He snarls, then his tail snaps through the air. I hear a hollow thunderclap sound – the sound of Ghazt exercising his control over the zombies . . .

Sure enough, the zombies begin to circle around us.

Evie approaches. “Jack,” she says. “You are unarmed. Bad move. I’m surprised you would show up without your precious blade . . .”

I smile. “Y’know, Evie . . .”

I whip the blade around, pointing it at Evie and Ghazt. Evie frowns. “You hid your Little League sword in your trousers?”

“You bet I did,” I say proudly.

“That’s weird, kid.”

“I’ll tell you what’s weird – you , ya weirdo, calling me weird! You’re the weird one doing the weird worshipping! Now I hereby DEMAND you guys open a portal and LEAVE. Outta this dimension, post-haste! Whatever post-haste means . . .”

Ghazt’s tail snaps again – and the zombies inch even closer. June coughs into her hand, then says, very loudly, “WELL, JACK – IT APPEARS YOUR PLAN HAS FAILED.”

“OK, geez, June – aggressive,” I murmur.

June, again, louder: “I SAID , JACK, IT APPEARS YOUR PLAN HAS FAILED.”

“Look, June,” I whisper, “I know this is a big life-and-death moment – but you don’t gotta be mean about it! It’s not like –”

And that’s when I hear a sound like cannon fire erupting. The building shakes. The zombies stagger. Evie grabs Ghazt to steady herself.

I look up, just in time to see the ceiling practically evaporate as something like a meteor comes smashing through . . .

chapter five

“June!” Quint happily exclaims. “You had backup waiting?!”

June grins. “Sure did.”

I frown. “Was your backup plan code word ‘JACK, IT APPEARS YOUR PLAN HAS FAILED?’ ”

June shrugs. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“That is so messed up. But also I’m good with it ’cause it means I was not bluffing. YOU HEAR THAT, EVIE? I wasn’t bluffing!”

Evie just glares and leaps back. A thin layer of water is trickling up through the floor. Biggun’s meteor-like landing weakened the ground.

Ghazt descends from his disgusting throne. Bits of hardened cheese and melted chocolate stick to his fur. He snarls, “Seize them!” and his tail WHIP-CRACKS in the air. Instantly, the blue-robed zombies close in!

“Dudes,” I say. “I’m going for the tail! You keep the zombies busy!”

“Happily!” Skaelka says.

Biggun just grunts and begins hurling zombies right and left. June and Quint are back-to-back, battling the Cabal of the Cosmic.

Crack!

Ghazt’s tail smacks me, and I’m hurled across the room. I land against a half-inflated pile of bowling lane bumpers.

Ghazt strides towards me, wading through his battling zombie horde. He darts forward and slashes his fat claw in my direction.

“Yikes!”

I dodge the attack by ungracefully flopping to the floor. His gnarled nails slice open big blue bumpers. There’s a loud hiss, then an angry snarl as Ghazt claws his way through shredded rubber.

I jab the Slicer, and Ghazt inches back. His whiskers twitch. His nose wrinkles. And a smile crosses his hideous face . . .

“You know, Jack, during the horribly botched transference that brought me to your dimension, I adopted some of the rat’s qualities. Including smell; and I smell the fear on you now, boy.”

Just then, his beady eyes dart to the side – and his tail snaps. His powers seize a nearby zombie, and it’s suddenly zipping across the room.