Lucy Knott - How to Bake a New Beginning

Amanda searched his eyes before rummaging around her bag in search of her keys. ‘Oh, my goodness, you are Superman – I knew it,’ she muttered under her breath, making Dan laugh. They stepped inside, and Amanda immediately busied herself in the kitchen turning on the kettle, as Dan took off his shoes and wandered over to the CD player. ‘Well, Superman, if you could be so kind, next time you bump into Thor or Captain America can you put in a good word for me? I know you’re all on opposite teams but Batman does nothing for me and God of Thunder sounds incredibly manly,’ she shouted from the kitchen.

‘I’ll see what I can do,’ Dan said, as she joined him in the living room with a tray of tea and more biscuits, this time a classic British selection. There was no beating Italian cookies and cakes, but Amanda felt Dan needed the full British experience while he was in England too. He couldn’t possibly leave without having tried a custard cream or jammie dodger. ‘Grandpa is rather brilliant,’ Dan said, as he reached for a blanket and draped it over Amanda’s feet that were curled up close to his thighs.

Amanda took a sip of tea and wriggled her toes in thank you. ‘I think so too,’ she replied, ‘and I think Levi might have to be careful. It looked like Grandpa might want to steal his best friend.’ She laughed.

‘I don’t think Levi would mind – he could probably do with a break from me every once in a while.’ Dan shrugged, picking up his own cup of tea. Amanda watched him closely, taking in his floppy hair and broad chest. He definitely fit the Superman build.

‘Is that another one of Superman’s magical powers? That he can impress and fit in with any family seamlessly?’ Amanda asked, her tone a little less playful now and more serious.

‘I don’t think Superman would need to rely on magic when the family is so warm and inviting and feels like his own. There’s no need to put on airs and try to impress when everyone is able to relax and be themselves,’ Dan said, his voice soothing and now, too, more serious, having noted Amanda’s need to talk and get her thoughts out.

‘See, I want that, Dan. I want a boyfriend who can do all that you just did. Why is that so difficult to come by? It was like pulling teeth with Jason. He barely said a word to Grandpa, couldn’t eat a biscotti if his life depended on it, just to see Nanna happy – no, he couldn’t do any of it, couldn’t deal with the language barrier. It bored him.’ She was fiddling with the blanket now, flicking dustings of crumbs onto the carpet.

‘Hey, baby girl, it’s OK. Some men don’t realize a good thing when it’s in front of them. They’re too wrapped up in themselves to see what’s before their eyes. Your grandpa is a wealth of knowledge. Talking to him is fascinating. Your dad is a role model for any man and your nanna and mum are angels. Louisa too, she’s beautiful,’ Dan said, leaning forward and tousling her hair. ‘And Jason was a jerk – it’s not your fault. These are simply things we experience in order to understand ourselves better, to know what we want and what we don’t want. They help build our character. Look at how much you have grown since you broke up.’

Amanda finished her last sip of tea, allowing herself time to accept Dan’s words. ‘You’re right, as always,’ she said, snuggling further down into the blanket and resting her legs across Dan’s. ‘It’s just sometimes so hard to fathom that people can be so thoughtless and rude, but that’s my mistake and I’ve moved on.’

‘It’s not necessarily a mistake. We need those moments where our passions lead us down uncharted paths. It’s good for the soul to follow our wild side every now and again. Sometimes it can lead to beautiful things; other times not so much. You should not be scared to do so,’ Dan said. Amanda noticed he was uncharacte‌ristically staring into his mug and not at her when he spoke.

‘I take it someone’s followed their wild side on more than one occasion?’ she asked with a hint of playfulness back in her tone, yet Dan didn’t look up. Amanda’s brow furrowed. ‘Or, someone has been too scared to follow his passion?’ she questioned, a little unsure of herself. It wasn’t like Dan to be scared. She watched as he quietly placed his mug on the table and picked up a jammie dodger.

‘Bit of an odd name for a biscuit huh?’ he replied, with a wink, before taking a bite. ‘It’s pretty good though,’ he added. Amanda felt a little taken aback by Dan’s lack of communication. They didn’t keep secrets; they told each other everything, or at least that’s what she thought, but Dan feared something, and he clearly didn’t want to open up about what it was.

However, Amanda knew all too well that asking questions wouldn’t help. He would come to her when he wanted, and she would be there for him, like he always was for her. Wrapped up in her cosy blanket and the tea having made her body nice and warm, she decided to change the subject, knowing Dan would appreciate it.

‘So, what did you and Grandpa get to talking about?’ Amanda queried, unable to stop herself. ‘Don’t think I didn’t notice you disappear off into the garden for a good thirty minutes.’ She nudged Dan’s thigh with her toes.

‘Ah, I see, you can’t bear to be without me for more than ten minutes, can you?’ Dan said, as he casually brushed a hand through his hair and leant back into the settee. Amanda simply stuck her tongue out in jest, coming up with nothing to argue the fact. ‘That’s for me to know and for you to find out,’ Dan finished, as he surveyed the plate of biscuits. This time he chose a chocolate bourbon, which made Amanda smile – that was her favourite.

‘What are we? Five?’ She chuckled, helping herself to another chocolate bourbon. As she took a bite, Dan tickled her feet, causing her to shoot up on the settee, waving her hands frantically to get him to stop. Her bourbon biscuit was sent flying across the room. ‘Dan,’ she yelled, ‘don’t do that,’ but Dan didn’t seem to hear her. Her usually sophisticated friend had turned into a five-year-old in a matter of minutes and she was no match for his thick legs and strong arms.

***

Amanda’s mind had drifted back to the day Dan had met Grandpa. It had been perfect. Seeing Dan and her grandpa get on and have their own little bromance had melted her heart. She hadn’t been able to put a finger on it at the time but looking back she understood that those small moments with Dan, those faint signs of butterflies in her stomach, they had led to the unusual feelings she was currently having for Dan. But she buried them deep as the cold made her shiver. The fireplace was void of any roaring fire. No one had put it on this evening: that was Grandpa’s job. In its place was just a miserable pile of black and dusty coal.

Her lips wobbled as her ears pricked up to the noises around her. She wasn’t quite certain how long she had been staring into the cold empty coals, but the stories it evoked were getting too much. Dan was supposed to see Grandpa again. Amanda took in a ragged breath.

She had heard Mum and Louisa go out for a walk a little while ago. Mum had said she needed the fresh air and Louisa couldn’t stand being in the house without Grandpa. Dad, Nanna and Sabrina were in the kitchen. She could hear them faintly, chatting over cups of coffee. With wobbling legs, she stood up taking the couch throw with her, in search of the phone. She didn’t have to search long as she found it on the table in the hallway, where Mum had been when she broke the news.

Picking it up she sat at the bottom of the stairs and wrapped the blanket round her legs while she leant against the wall. She glared at the phone for a second, her fingers trembling. The thought of breaking Dan’s heart with this news made her feel queasy, but he needed to know, and she needed him. She needed her best friend, her best friend who would know exactly what to say and do to make the world complete again. Though it was that needing him that over the past few months had started to scare her silly, she dialled Dan’s number.