Heidi Rice - So Now You're Back

‘Certainly, sir, would you like a glass?’

‘You might as well bring the bottle. It’s a ten-hour flight and I plan to get my money’s worth.’

The attendant hesitated. ‘We’re only allowed to serve it by the glass I’m afraid, sir.’

‘And it’s ten o’clock in the morning,’ Halle butted in. ‘Drinking at altitude will get you pissed. You’re supposed to be driving us to the resort when we get off this flying death trap. I refuse to get in a car with you if you’re over the limit.’ Hadn’t the man grown up at all in sixteen years?

‘I guess that’s me told.’ He flashed a sheepish smile at the attendant, whose cheeks shone pink beneath the ten layers of foundation. ‘I guess I’ll have to pass. I’ll have what she’s having,’ he finished, indicating Halle’s glass.

The purser’s amplified voice filled the cabin giving them a rundown of the in-flight services as the stewardess headed off to do Luke’s bidding.

Halle gulped down the chilled water, but it did nothing to ease the rawness in her throat.

Shit, shit, shit.

She rolled the icy glass across her forehead, then bent to retrieve her bag.

‘Why did you call it a “flying death trap”?’

She ignored Luke’s question as she waged war with the child-safety lid on the Xanax bottle. Only to have the bottle whipped out of her hands.

‘What are these for?’

‘Give me those.’ She made a grab for the bottle as he read the label, only to have him hike it out of reach.

‘Heavy-duty happy pills. When did you start popping these?’

‘It’s not Ecstasy. It’s a mild drug to help with anxiety. And it’s none of your business what pills I pop.’

‘Mild, my arse. This stuff can kill you if you take too much of it.’

‘You are joking?’ She skewered him with her best give-me-a-bloody-break look. ‘This from the guy who once had so much E he ran down Green Lanes naked declaring to the whole of Hackney he was Sonic the Hedgehog.’

‘I was seventeen,’ he protested. ‘It was Super Mario and I was only half naked, don’t exaggerate.’

‘Nope, it was definitely Sonic. I remember because I was sober.’ Or soberish. ‘And all you had on was a baseball cap!’

‘Well, then I had all the essential stuff covered, didn’t I?’ He threw her the challenging grin again, daring her to deny it.

‘Essential stuff? What, like your brain, you mean? That certainly didn’t qualify as essential at the time, given it wasn’t the organ you did your thinking with.’

His eyes sharpened and she relished the hit. But then the captain’s monotone tenor came over the public address system with a rundown of their flying time and their altitude over the Atlantic, and the brief surge of triumph was smothered in panic.

‘Give me the bottle.’ She stretched out a shaky palm. ‘I need another before we take off.’

He lowered the bottle but didn’t hand it over. ‘How many have you had already?’

She pressed the tip of her tongue to her upper lip and tasted the salty sweat. ‘Only one.’ Or had it been two? Her mind seemed foggy on the details. But then the flight attendant strolled past to check their bays, and the plane rumbled into motion—and the panic became razor sharp. ‘Luke, for Chrissake, hand them over.’

‘Look at me.’

She squinted, trying to focus as he held two fingers in front of her face.

‘Do you know your pupils are the size of pinpricks?’

‘“Prick” being the operative word.’ She made a grab for the bottle again and missed by about twenty nautical miles, her coordination skills—along with her dignity—now completely shot.

‘Why do you need this stuff anyway?’

Why was he looking at her like that—all stern and concerned? And why couldn’t she remember how to speak?

The plane made a lumbering turn onto the runway, then gathered speed. Her stomach lurched up to slam into her larynx. She gripped the armrest hard enough to fracture granite, her nails gouging the leather.

Flying is safe. Remember Rain Man. You are not going to die.

‘Dammit, Hal, since when have you been scared of flying?’

She would have shot him another give-me-a-bloody-break look but she was far too busy clinging on for dear life.

‘Why didn’t you say something sooner?’ he added.

Because it’s stupid and irrational and humiliating and I’d rather lose a limb than admit a weakness to you.

‘I’m not scared of flying,’ she said, her fingers now fused with the leather. ‘I just have issues with the whole concept.’

‘What issues, exactly?’

He wanted to have a conversation about this now? When they were both about to die?

Extreme exasperation got the better of her terror for a second. ‘Gravitational issues,’ she snapped. ‘Such as, how does a huge metal box that weighs several tons stay airborne?’

The plane tore away from the runway and her stomach—and the last of her courage—went into free fall.

Please don’t let me start whimpering. Or puking.

‘Hal, it’s called aerodynamics,’ he said, all knowledge and reason when she was embarking on a major panic attack.

His pure blue eyes blurred round the edges as she struggled to make sense of the statement. Her stomach rocked against her ribs as the plane banked. She caught a glimpse of chequerboard fields and ribbon roads dotted with toy cars through the window and slammed her eyes shut.

Do. Not. Look. Down. The first rule of upchuck avoidance.

‘Excuse me if I’m not convinced by your knowledge of aerodynamics,’ she hissed through clenched teeth. ‘I happen to know you bunked off every physics lesson you ever had.’

‘I did an article on the aerospace industry for a tech website last year.’

A weak scoffing sound was all she could manage, the rumbling thud of the plane’s undercarriage lifting into the fuselage echoing in her stomach.

‘And, by the way, this plane is mostly made out of carbon fibre, not metal, if that helps.’

It didn’t. She couldn’t compute his words any more. Her head tipped back, anchored to the seat, as she ground her teeth hard enough to crack a molar.

‘Oh, God.’ She panted, hyperventilation the only way to keep breathing as the plane lifted into the cloud bank. Her stomach levitated into her throat. She swallowed convulsively to stop it vomiting out of her mouth. ‘I’m not ready to die.’

That would be whimpering.

A warm palm covered the hand she had superglued to the armrest.

‘You’re not going to die. You’re indestructible.’ His palm curled over her whitening knuckles and his thumb stroked the small scar on her wrist left by the burn he’d noticed in Paris. ‘If we crash, you’ll bounce.’

She wanted to tell him he was right, she was indestructible, because she’d had to be. But she didn’t feel indestructible. And she had lost the ability to talk, every single muscle and sinew in her jaw and neck having atrophied.

‘I need a pill,’ she finally managed to squeak. ‘Please.’ The begging would have embarrassed her, but in the grand apocalyptic scheme of things, having Luke smirk at her while she died didn’t seem like such a big deal any more.

‘Is everything OK, Ms Best?’

Halle prised open an eyelid to find the stewardess looking down at their joined hands with a benevolent smile.

‘I’m fine.’ Her whole body shuddered like an alcoholic recovering from an all-night bender. The stewardess didn’t look convinced. ‘If I could just …’

‘For Chrissake, Hal.’ Luke’s grip on her hand tightened. ‘You’re freaking out. There’s no shame in admitting it. Loads of people don’t like flying.’