C.J. Skuse - The Alibi Girl

‘I rescued a duck last week,’ I tell him. ‘On the beach. Its wing was broken.’

‘Oh right,’ he frowns.

‘And one of the cats caught a little bird once, brought it to the door. I rescued it. Took it to the RSPCA centre in town.’

He looks at me. ‘Is it her dad? The one you’re afraid of?’

I bite down on my lip. I give him a nod that barely registers. He says no more about it. ‘I love animals, do you?’

‘Yeah, but I couldn’t eat a whole one,’ he winks. ‘I’m gonna get a refill,’ he announces. ‘Won’t be a minute. Do you want anything else?’

I shake my head, smile flickering where it won’t stay on my face. He disappears up to the counter and I feel it this time – the ache. I resent the easy way he chats to the barista. The adoration in his eyes when he looks out towards the Lakes. I’m jealous of mountains. Of the half-eaten biscotti on his saucer. Touched by him.

When he sits back down, I know he wants to address the hallway thing so in a rush of confidence, I beat him to it.

‘I can’t really tell you very much about it, why I cried and panicked earlier.’

‘It’s alright,’ he says. ‘I can guess.’ He offers me his new biscotti. I take it.

The smoke alarm goes off – a forgotten cheese toastie on the grill by the looks of it – and the chef spends a good minute flapping the ceiling with a tea towel.

‘I’m not a weirdo,’ I say. ‘That’s the truth. I’m just a little messed up right now. I’m a newly single parent and I’m struggling but I will be okay. Her dad – isn’t a part of her life anymore. He can’t be. That’s all.’

‘I get it, Joanne. Really I do. You don’t have to say anything else.’

I deflate. I wish he’d call me by my real name. I wonder how it would sound in his mouth. But for now, I am Joanne and Joanne will have to do. ‘Thank you.’

He checks his Fitbit. He’s going to leave soon and I’m dreading it. ‘Listen, I’m two flights up. You get scared again, or anyone visits who you don’t wanna see, call me. If I’m not home, I’ll be at the gym. I can put my number in your phone, if you like.’

He gestures to take it from me, but then I remember the picture of him as my wallpaper. ‘I’ll make you a new contact,’ I say, fumbling. ‘What’s your number?’

I punch it in and switch it off. ‘Thank you. For listening. And for the drink.’ It doesn’t look like I’ve drunk very much of my shake – I can’t suck the thick cream up the flimsy paper straw but since plastic is not so fantastic anymore and I don’t want to pig great spoonfuls of cream in front of my Future Husband, I reluctantly leave it.

‘I better go – I’ve got a client in twenty minutes. Come along later and check out the facilities at the gym if you like? I can give you the grand tour. First month’s free.’

‘Okay, I might do.’

He stands up, gathering his wallet, phone and keys. ‘See ya, Chickadee,’ he says to Emily’s covered head, tickling the top of her hood.

He’s touched her. He’s touched my baby. They have a connection now. He’s growing to love her like his own, I’m sure of it.

Long after he’s left, I’m still staring out at the distant mountains he’d watched so lovingly. We’ll go there someday, Kaden, Emily and me. We’ll go there on holiday. Be one of those fit families that hikes in North Face coats and big boots. Emily will sit in one of those baby backpacks, peeking out over her daddy’s shoulder. Our Family.

‘ Helloo , Earth to Genevieve?’ A voice filters through my private imaginings. Vanda from work stands beside my table, face full of make-up, big red lips and carrying two large shopping bags. She’s surrounded by children all whining for ice cream.

‘Oh, hi Vanda. Hi boys. And girl.’ They’re not interested in saying hello – they race to the counter and start choosing Freakshakes from the menu.

‘I saw you from outside. Why you not work yesterday and today?’

‘I called in. I told Trevor that Emily had a bug.’

She frowns at the papoose. ‘She got bug now?’

‘Uh no. She’s much better today thanks.’

‘So you be in tomorrow, yes? I need to know or else I get cover. You don’t let me know again, I give your job to someone else.’

‘I’ll be in at eight, I promise.’

She bats her enormous spider-lash eyes. ‘You better be there or I come down on you like ton of fucking bricks, yes?’

‘Yes. Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Her children are obstructing two paying customers at the till but as Vanda shrieks ‘Kids move!’ at them, they quickly disperse and fall into line in silence.

Thursday, 24th October

I leave a little tube of Smarties behind the front gate for Alfie the paper boy and drop Emily off at the childminder’s on my way to work, passing by the arcades to see if Matthew’s there at the bus stop, playing the grabbers outside while waiting for his school bus, but he’s not. It’s half term, of course. He’ll be with his family.

Being outdoors with Kaden yesterday has made me feel braver, bolder, and the three men from the hairdressers seem a distant memory now. I’m expecting a normal day at The Lalique. The past fifty-odd days have been excruciatingly normal – bed-changing, vacuuming, bleaching, replacing creamers, sugars, sachets of tea. Then back along the seafront to bed and waking up again and it starts all over. The highlight of any shift is usually when I catch a child coming back to the room by themselves to get something. Then we have a chat and they tell me what they’re doing for the day.

But today, there are no children about and Vanda’s in an awful mood. She’s always in an awful mood with me. She’s like a Russian Cruella de Vil and she scares me twice as much. I’m hanging up my coat in the staff office when she storms in. No Hellos or How are yous , just: ‘There’s a shit in the pipe Genevieve, so you lucky I don’t throw you through fucking window today. Floor 2. Go help Trevor.’

‘A “shit in the pipe”?’ I say.

‘A blockage. A stiff in Room 29. Means we’re going to cordon off whole floor so the police can come and then we have to wait around and clean when they have gone. We’re short-staffed as well because Fat Faith’s brat has the conjunctivitis.’

‘Okay.’ I’m not quite sure what she means by ‘a stiff’ at this point but if it’s Russian for poo, I better make sure my plunger’s on the cart.

‘Baby not got bug today?’ she says as I wheel to the service elevators.

‘No, she’s fine today, thanks. The doctor said it could be colic.’

‘She tit or bottle?’

‘I’m breastfeeding her.’

‘So she may be allergic to you.’ It’s not a question.

‘She seems okay. Thanks.’

‘So you express when you’re not with her?’

‘Yes.’

‘She’s young to be left with childminder. What is she, a month?’

‘Five weeks. I can’t afford not to work, Vanda.’ The lift finally bing! s open.

‘How much she charge, childminder?’

I’m in the lift and the doors close before I can answer. I always breathe a sigh of relief after Vanda’s firing squad of questions. She interrogates where other people enquire and is always picking me up on what I’m doing right and wrong for Emily, just because she has four children herself. She thinks she knows everything there is to know about anything, she’s one of those people. Anything you have, she has double. You have a kid, she has four. You have money worries, she’s broke. You have a row with your boyfriend? Her ex-husband stabbed her. Twice.

When I get to Floor 2, Trevor the porter stands guard outside Room 29.