Tina Wainscott - Driven To Distraction

After trying to make sense of her senseless barrage of words, Barrett tilted his head at Weasel Boy. “I’ve never been adored before.” He picked him up and handed him to her. “Nevertheless, I must relinquish him to your custody.”

“You’ve never been adored?” she asked.

“Well, in third grade there was a girl who called me adorable all the time. Then again, I was a couple years younger, the smallest kid in class. She stopped adoring me when I got an A and she got a C, so I don’t think that counts.”

She took Weasel Boy from him. He’d never been adored, not really. How sad, how…wait a minute. She’d never been adored, either. Better not to dwell on how sad and pitiful it was.

“So what other kinds of things do you research? All kinds of critters?”

“I’ve only been studying—” he smiled “—critters since I got my PhD in biology a couple of years ago. My father is professor and chairperson of the department of biology at the University of Miami. I thought that field might be interesting.”

“So you went and got a PhD in it, just for something to do?”

He missed the sarcastic tilt to her voice. “Right.”

“What about before that?”

Too bad he wasn’t geeky-looking. A man that smart shouldn’t be gorgeous, shouldn’t look so good in blue jeans and a wrinkled blue cotton shirt that set off his eyes. A man who looked like that should be dumber than a box of hair. It just wasn’t right.

“I got a BS in mathematics and studied time.”

“Time? How does one study time, exactly?”

“I worked with a team on leading-edge research on an optical time standard that relies on laser light and a single atom of ytterbium.” He was really getting into it, using his hands and everything. “We needed to find something with a regular motion, like the pendulum on a clock. What we used was the movement of the laser’s light wave. The trick was, of course, to make sure the light was oscillating at a precise frequency. Enter the ytterbium atom, which worked wonders by absorbing the light of a defined frequency. Now that was magic. Once we…” He took in her expression. “I’m boring you again, aren’t I?”

“Sorry. You’re talking to three-point-oh grade average, no college here. You lost me after the first ytterbium.”

Barrett leaned forward, and she caught a scent of woodsy aftershave. “Don’t apologize.”

“So you studied time for…a time, and then what?”

“Then I got bored with physics and got a degree in botany.”

She would have disliked him on principle except there wasn’t a trace of pretentiousness in his voice. As though that’s what everyone did.

“So, botany’s your thing.”

“I lost interest in that and switched to biology.”

“Ah…I see.” Not. “So biology is your chosen field then. Tree snails for now.”

“I work on various short-term projects. Keeps things interesting.”

“Sounds like you get bored easily.”

“I just haven’t found what I’m looking for yet.”

“I used to feel that way, too.”

He looked genuinely interested. “What did you do to remedy it?”

She almost wanted to tell him about her plans, but with his baby fears, he wouldn’t understand. “I changed what I wanted.” Or at least she thought she had, but looking into those eyes of his, she realized she hadn’t convinced all of herself that she didn’t want a man in her life. She pushed herself to her feet. “Come on, Weasel Boy, let’s leave the scientist dude to his work. See you.”

He smiled. “I see you, too.”

She smiled back and started to carry Weasel Boy around the hedge to her yard.

“Howdy, Stacy.” Jack Nelson walked around the side of the house. “No wonder no one was answering the door. Just wanted to introduce myself to our temporary resident.”

He aimed his perfect white smile at Barrett. “I’m Jack Nelson, king of Sunset City.”

Barrett dutifully walked from the table and accepted Jack’s outstretched hand. “King?”

“No need for formalities. I stopped requiring people to curtsy years ago. Hear you’re a frog doctor. Pretty interesting. I used to wrassle alligators myself.”

Between being a fighter pilot and a professional surfer, Stacy thought, but held the words. Let him indulge in his harmless fantasies. At least his were more harmless than hers.

“Tree snails,” Barrett said.

“Mighty fine eating, them. Well, gotta go. Duty calls, as you’d imagine it does with someone in my position. Stacy, remember, taxes are due beginning of the month.”

“Yes, your majesty.”

“Sorry you didn’t get that job. Seems like you got enough going on here to keep you busy, though. Heck, don’t know what we’d do without you. Well, I’ve gotta go have a talking with Nita. Seems she’s been playing her bunny music too loud again.”

“Bunny music?” Barrett asked.

“Hip-hop,” Stacy clarified.

Jack nodded to Barrett. “Glad you got to meet me.” And then he was off, humming a jaunty tune as he walked away.

“He said you didn’t get the job.”

Word traveled fast, as always. She waved that away, as though it didn’t matter. “That job I applied for at the dog grooming salon…”

“You’re not disappointed then?”

“No…well, a little. Mostly in that it’s the fifteenth job I’ve applied for over the last year, and not one of them has panned out. But, like Jack said, I’ve got a lot here to keep me busy.”

“Jack, the king of Sunset City who collects taxes.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s his little fantasy. We indulge him. He only collects a quarter a month. In January he throws a big Christmas party with the money.”

“January?”

“All the Christmas stuff is on sale then.”

Barrett seemed to contemplate all this. “Are the people here considered…normal?”

“Define normal.”

“Conforming to the standard type. Usual. Not abnormal—”

“I didn’t mean for you to actually define…oh, never mind. Normal is relative. If I were hanging around with your supersmart scientific friends, I’d probably consider them abnormal. See what I mean?”

He was considering her in that speculative way. “I understand. Interesting, this relativity. My only real gauge as to what people are like outside my own circle is my sister. She’s a housewife with four children. The things she’s concerned with are beyond my level of understanding. Entering sweepstakes with insurmountable odds of winning. Spending hours clipping coupons and consulting sale fliers to spend the saved money on gas driving all over town. Do you know, she’ll spend an hour on her hair to make it look like it did when she woke up?”

Stacy laughed, even though she’d done all of that. “Is your sister normal? I mean, not supersmart like you?”

“She’s of average intelligence, like my mother.”

“So, you get along with your sister then?” Watch it, Stacy. You’re getting your hopes up.

“Get along…I suppose we do. We don’t have much to talk about, though. I bore her with my latest research, and she bores me with talk of every detail about her offspring. It’s amazing what amazes her. Every tooth lost, every word spoken. The first time they use the pottie is a big celebration. That is, after all, the normal progression of a human being.”

Oh, boy. Well, it wasn’t like she cared, right? “You’ve obviously never had to change a diaper.” His horrified look gave her her answer. “Where’s your mother?”

“She’s doing a stint on a cruise ship as a blackjack dealer. We get a postcard from her every week.”

Postcards reminded her of Florida tourists, which reminded her of pink flamingos, which reminded her of something else. She glanced at her watch. “Oh, shoot! I didn’t realize how late it is. I’ve got a workout class to teach in ten minutes.” She looked at the dog. “Which means I don’t have time to take you back. Guess you’re staying the night.” She caught herself mid-sigh. “Well, guess I’ll see you around.” Better not to see him at all. He didn’t get why a mother would celebrate every achievement her child made, something Stacy hoped to be doing on a regular basis soon.