Dianne Drake - Playing Games

“Met a woman I’d like to impress, but the first thing I ever did was pretty damned inept. Performance anxiety, I’d guess you could call it, and now I’m embarrassed to see her again. I just want to know some ways I could start it over between us. Or if I can start it over.” Sure, he’d twist it until it sounded like this was about bad bed performance. But never, ever let ’em know how he’d failed with a pipe wrench. Man, oh man, talk about bored silly, doing something like this. But since Roxy wasn’t home, he wouldn’t get the do-over he’d been plotting all weekend in case he ran into her again. Shutting his eyes, Ned cringed.

“You’ll be caller number one in the next segment,” the screener told him.

“That’s fast.” Actually, this wasn’t the call he’d intended to make. It just sort of slipped out. But what the hell! Go for it, anyway.

“Well, normally we hold that slot for someone else, a program regular, but apparently that’s not happening tonight, so you’re in luck. Just make sure you turn off your radio, okay? And no swearing or graphic words, because we’ll have to cut you off.”

Two minutes later, he got the cue. “Hello, sugar. And what can Doctor Val help you with tonight? I understand you sort of embarrassed yourself the first time you were with her and you’re looking for a way to redeem yourself? Is that it?”

Ned cleared his throat, not so much because he was nervous, but because he was preparing to raise the pitch a tad more, just in case Roxy was listening. Bad with a pipe wrench and getting advice from a radio shrink. Two strikes for sure. “I’ve wanted to meet her for a while,” he began. “And I finally did. But something happened, and yeah, I guess you could say I embarrassed myself.”

“How? We’re all on your side, so tell us the juicy.”

“Let’s just say it was something that comes naturally to most men, and I thought I could do it, but I found myself lacking in the skill. And she was definitely in need of that skill, but I had to call in someone else to help her out when I couldn’t, well, take care of the job.” Ned smiled. Should be interesting.

“You say you called in someone else to finish up for you?”

“That’s what happened, but that’s not why I called you. I just wanted your opinion on whether or not I should try it again with her. If you think she’ll have me back. And how you might suggest that I go about it after humiliating myself like I did the first time.”

“Well, I’m not a medical doctor, but I do know that it happens to all men at one time or another. No need to be embarrassed. And I’ve got to admit that Doctor Val is somewhat amazed at the lengths you’d go to for that woman of yours. Calling in someone else to finish—don’t think I’ve ever heard that one before. But if it was between three consenting adults, I guess that’s okay. I’m curious though. Since you were the one at the starting gate, wouldn’t you rather be the one at the finish, too? And since you were her first choice, I’m assuming she’d like you to go the distance with her. So does she? Does she want you there with her at trophy time?”

“That’s the problem…I really don’t know. After what I did…”

“Give it another shot. I mean, this gal is really lucky to have someone so considerate, someone who cares about her pleasure and fulfillment more than he does his own. And I’m betting she’ll be glad to have you back. Just make sure you take a little blue pill with you next time. Okay, sugar? Go on and knock on her door and tell her you want to give it another try.”

“WHAT WAS THAT?” Roxy asked Astrid on the next break. “I mean, he’s sending in the second string. Think the high and mighty Doctor Craig was listening? ‘Cause I’d sure like to hear what he has to say on the subject. Especially since it’s not me being off the wall for a change.”

“He’s in the queue. Just called in,” Astrid said. “And he was listening. In fact, he’s raring to go.”

Roxy smiled. “Should be interesting.”

“Twenty,” Doyle called. “And if you give me the last caller’s name, I’d be glad to stand in for him sometime when he needs that second string.”

“I’ll bet you would.” Roxy laughed. “You and every other guy listening tonight, except Doctor Craig, who wouldn’t even volunteer to stand in for himself.”

“Five, four, three…” Doyle gave her the cue to go.

“Well, Doctor Craig. Welcome back. You’re a little late, and I was beginning to think you were cheating on us, plying some other late-night talk show with your refutable advice.”

“Not a chance, Doctor. Not after what I just heard. Your callers need someone to set them straight—”

He sounds a little tired, she thought. Probably exhausted himself coming up with a response. “Straight? You mean after I bend them, Doctor?” She glanced at her dark-chocolate truffle. Someday she was going to make that man buy her a whole box of them!

“After you bend their ears with your refutable advice.”

“Come on, Doctor. Don’t hold back. Tell me what you really think.”

“I think, Valentine, that you wouldn’t be so excited with the prospect of a pinch-hitter if you were the one committed to the regular hitter. You know, committed as in love.”

Roxy leaned back in her chair and smiled at Astrid. “Sounds like you want to get into my personal life, Edward. Is that what you’re trying to do? Catch a little glimpse of Valentine at home…in the bedroom?”

“Believe me, over the months I’ve caught that glimpse, and I threw it back.”

Wow! Pretty peckish, even for him. Roxy scrunched her nose at Astrid, like she was smelling something bad. “You’re forgetting, my caller was the one who’d already come up with a solution to his problem. At least his problem in the sack. And while that might not work for you, it seems to be working for him.”

“If it’s working so well, then why did he call you?”

“Maybe because he wants some advice on how to set things right between them, sexually.”

“So you told him to go take a pill and all his sexual problems will be over.”

“He wants sex, Doctor Craig. That’s all he asked about. Sex. Not love everlasting or some other storybook fairy tale. He likes the gal, and he wants to know if he should try it with her again.”

“I know we come from completely different disciplines, but tell me, Valentine—would you let your man line you up with someone else if he couldn’t perform?”

Her man…if only. “You’re assuming I’d get myself involved with a man who couldn’t satisfy me, which is an incorrect assumption.” Actually none of them had satisfied her, and she didn’t mean in the physical sense. But that was none of his business. “In terms of an early relationship—mine, yours, my caller’s—you simply don’t know what will satisfy you. You have an idea what you’d like, what you’ve liked in the past, but when you’re clean-slating it with someone new, it’s always a great big question mark. My caller got to that great big question mark and unfortunately he turned it into a great big huge question mark, so I told him it’s worth taking another chance on. Simple as that. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Roxy winked at Astrid, then continued. “Unless you’re burying your head in the sand, Edward, there are signals, hunches, tinglings telling you this is someone you want to pursue. And tinglings are the best indicators. The kind that start at your toes and don’t stop. Haven’t you ever met a woman and started tingling right away?”

She’d certainly started tingling the instant she saw Ned Proctor standing outside her door. Maybe even before that, when he was so grumpy on the phone. Or even before that, passing in the hall, or watching him through her peephole. Whatever the case, there had been tinglings. Strong ones. Still were when she thought about him.