Twelve hours and two time zones later put Joel’s team in Paris, France, the halfway mark to Mumbai where they would catch another flight to the Indian coastline near Cochin.
Manny plopped in one of the airport’s lounge seats beside Joel and elbowed him.
Joel looked over. Manny shoved the BlackBerry back in Joel’s hand. “Use it again. You know you want to.”
“I think I’ll wait until she e-mails me back. Thanks.”
A grin overtook the squat and stout PJ’s brown face. “Maybe she did.”
Joel narrowed his gaze, looked at Manny then the device. “Gimme that Blueberry.”
“BlackBerry. Don’t worry. I didn’t read it.” Manny stretched the handheld out again. Joel reached for it.
Manny eased it back. “Unless you want me to…”
“Hey—” Joel stood, prepared to wrestle the thing from him if need be. Manny jerked it back a few more times as Joel grasped at it. Finally, Manny handed it over.
Joel took the teasing and the BlackBerry without preamble. He pulled up her message, trying not to show outwardly how much it meant to him that she’d responded.
“What did she say?” Manny scooted over and leaned in, straining to read the small text in the window.
Joel tilted the screen at an angle so his friend could see.
Manny nodded and tapped Joel’s forearm with the stylus. “We’re in Paris. You ought to go buy her something. That kid, too. Chicks like romance and flowers and stuff. Especially rare, exotic gifts from other countries.”
Chapman tipped his cowboy hat. “Get her a beaded Indian sari.”
PJ Vince Reardon smirked. “Nah. Save some cash. Bring her back a parasite instead. They’re exotic.”
Joel shook his head. “I’ll hit the shops on the way back to the States since we’re on standby for the next flight. We need to stick together. I don’t want to get stuck in a checkout line.”
Manny yawned. “You did good yesterday, Montgomery. I’m proud of you.” He sprawled in a seat at the stainless steel aesthetic DeGaulle Airport. Other teams went by military craft, but since they’d deployed from Illinois, the government flew them domestic.
“It was harder than I’d anticipated. But it helped that I had the distraction of Bradley.” A pretty teacher, too. “Only at one point did I feel myself slipping.” He hoped it wouldn’t hit him after the fact. He didn’t need to be a train wreck heading into South Asia.
Manny leaned forward, clasping his hands in listen mode. “Yeah, when was that?”
“In the playground. You know I went to that school for a few years when I was a kid, right?”
Manny shook his head. “Ah, man. No, I didn’t.”
“Yeah, my mom—she used to take me there and swing me. That was the last thing we ever did together.” Joel swallowed and cast a hard stare at the BlackBerry. He thought of Amber’s determined quest to find Bradley’s mom.
How many times had he prayed as a child for someone who wouldn’t give up until they found his mother? How many nights had he cried himself to sleep missing her? Wishing he could at least have an answer? He’d prayed and prayed for God to bring her home but the only thing that came was news there had been a car accident. His mother had died but longing lived on for someone to tell his deepest fears and craziest dreams to. Someone to be real with.
Someone like Amber.
“Bradley’s blessed to have her. She’s good for him.” Joel cleared his throat to rid himself of the emotion. He wouldn’t let it crack him again. He’d lived broken as a child because he had no choice. As a man, he had a choice. He would avoid anything with potential to breach the dam walling his past from his present.
That included Refuge, and everything in it.
Joel coughed, but the elastic band wouldn’t ease from his chest. He hadn’t felt like this in fifteen years, and he hoped for another fifteen at least before he had to feel anything like it again. The pressure made it hard to breathe.
Manny eyed him with unwavering intent. “I think it’ll be good for you to keep that promise. She could be good for you. You’ve never dealt with that junk with your mom and your uncle, dude. And you need to.”
“I’ll keep my promise to Bradley, Peña.” Don’t expect more.
“I know you will. And then some.” Manny leaned back.
Joel tapped the keyboard to compose a message.
After sending it, Joel stared at the blank screen while Manny’s mantra rang in the ears of his soul. I know you will. And then some. These guys held each other to the same stellar code of standards. Above and beyond, no matter what. On missions, in personal lives. When everyone looked, or no one.
Integrity. The creed didn’t stop when the missions did.
They didn’t make promises without intent to bulldoze mountains if that’s what it took to keep them. Even Everest with a Barbie Jeep if that’s what it required to maintain the pristine field of their word, and they’d all taken the creed together.
So Others Might Live.
He hoped he wasn’t walking into a God trap. Surely He wouldn’t expect Joel to confront the hurts of his past and the person responsible for them before he felt ready. Right?
Joel pressed thumbs to his temple, steeling himself against the insurgence of silence which advanced heavily on his mind. He listened for the question which carried a cavernous echo for an answer.
Truth was, he didn’t know if he had courage enough to face it. His biggest fear had always been backing down from something.
Help me. I don’t want to let him down, or You.
He’d keep his promise to Bradley. No matter what.
No matter what.
A vague sensation wrapped around him that this promise would be severely tested. His job consisted of life-or-death danger. He didn’t want to die before he fulfilled his promise to that fragile child who’d undoubtedly been placed in his path for a reason.
Joel settled in his seat and closed his eyes.
Don’t let me run, no matter what comes.
Saturday morning, Amber approached her computer with a glass of high-pulp orange juice, a wheat bagel and a tote brimming with foster care information. She sat in the cushy blue chair, pulling up her in-box. Two new messages. She felt doubly blessed. One from her dad. One from Joel. Proving to herself she could have self-control, she opened her dad’s first.
Then opened Joel’s, a smile going through her.
Greetings from Paris. We’re halfway to our destination. Not sure how much opportunity I’ll have to e-mail once we arrive but don’t think I forgot about Bradley. Or my promise. Or you. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get away. I’ll keep in touch as able. Tell Psychokitty to watch his back. I’m armed and dangerous. Ever been to France? Food’s great. Really made my day to hear back from you. This e-mail stuff is amazing. Talk to you soon. JMM—USAF.
“Better watch out, Psych. He’s armed and dangerous.” Her comment drew a blank stare from the cat. “More like charmed and dangerous.” Amber sighed at her computer screen.
The cat scrambled across the kitchen, paw-skiing the smooth tile surface before skidding to a halt in front of the food dish. He looked from the bowl to Amber and flicked his tail.
“I know. I forgot to buy tuna yesterday. You’ll have to settle for chicken.” She got up and grabbed a can of soft cat food from the pantry. Fingernails lifting the tab, she peeled off the aluminum top expecting Psych to rush over and rub her ankle as usual. He did that when any can was opened, even green beans.
This time he only stared, and flicked. She tapped chicken into the bowl, then ran her finger around the can to get remnants out.
While Amber washed her hands, the cat hunched its shoulders and sniffed. He lifted his head, hissed at her, hissed at the food, then sashayed to the laundry room.
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